Different school question, want your thoughts

[Anonymous]

We adopted DS from Asia. He was an infant and spoke English as his first language. Now we are interested in a bilingual immersion school because we think it's a good education. Spanish is what's available in our area. There is a Mandarin school farther away but he's not Chinese anyway. We were excited about Spanish but then a parent who also adopted from the same country told us that she would NEVER do this because our sons' cultural heritage was complicated enough and introducing one more thing was too much. She was very adamant, and even said that I needed to think of his nees and not just what I think is interesting.

I didn't understand and the conversation was a little stressful. I've been thinking about it and can't find any literature on the subject. Is it really a bad idea? I was figuring that international/intercultural experiences of any kind would be fun for him or for anyone, and that he'd meet other children with a variety of backgrounds, which I always thought would be good for him.

So other parents of international/ transracial kids-- what do you think?

[Anonymous]

If I had the opportunity to place any of my kids into a Spanish immersion program, I'd do it in a second. I see no validity whatsoever to the other parent's point of view. Even if the child's cultural heritage is complex, the child must learn to live and thrive and prosper given that cultural heritage. The best we can do as parents to help them grow is to give them as many opportunities as we can to try new and different things.

FWIW, I don't understand why someone would think that a child's cultural heritage would be complex.

[Anonymous]

I assume the parent who had the bad reaction believes you should focus exclusively on the language of the country your child is from. If I were in your situation, I'd be trying to ensure both: send your child to Spanish immersion school but also enable him to learn (or at least have exposure to) the language of the country your child's from. I certainly don't think it's complex to expose your child to more than one culture, including his birth culture.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks. They didn't mention doing lessons in his home country's language and they're not doing that yet either-- I imagine that both families will at some point though. They were just really opposed to Spanish immersion because of the idea of white/euro-american parent, asian kid, 50% latino school population was a bad mix and there wouldn't be enough families who "look like ours." But I don't know how you can count on finding a school with lots of interracial/intercultural adoptive families.

Anyway, would it be right to say that there isn't some giant damaging thing we've missed while we've been thinking about this? I always felt aware and with-it before this.

[Anonymous]

"They were just really opposed to Spanish immersion because of the idea of white/euro-american parent, asian kid, 50% latino school population was a bad mix and there wouldn't be enough families who "look like ours." But I don't know how you can count on finding a school with lots of interracial/intercultural adoptive families."


In order to complete my adoptions, I went through over 50 hours of education. If it was so important that I avoid placing my kids in environments where there are not enough families that look like mine I am sure this topic would have been covered at some point during my training. It did not. Further, I think given the myriad of social workers that had to meet with me and approve me over the years, I am sure at least one would have mentioned this to me if it were indeed a concern. Not a one of them expressed this concern. Finally, for me as well as for many of my friends, this standard is an impossible one to meet. I have a very atypical family make up and have never seen one that looks like mine, though I'm not suggesting that it doesn't exist, and many of my friends live in places where they are the only family that has an adopted Asian child. If it were so harmful to have children placed in situations where they would not see families that looked just like theirs, I very much doubt that social workers would be approving us to adopt.

I think it is important that we teach our children about their background and their culture and that to the extent we are able and our kids can handle it, we give them opportunities to participate in cultural activities. I do not necessarily think that classes in their native language are beneficial but in most cases won't be harmful either. So if a family chooses to do it, great. And, if not, also fine. Choosing to participate in activities and events from other cultures and classes in other languages is not a rejection of our children's culture and/or heritage. Participating in activities where our Asian children are in the minority because there are few or no other kids that have the same family make ups is simply just more of their normal life experience. Choosing not to participate in something because our children will be in the minority does not somehow magically change the fact that our adopted Asian kids (and I am speaking about OP and me since we've identified our races) will have to live their life as an obvious minority, Asian child being raised by white parents.

Honestly, OP, there are plenty of things I think we adoptive parents need to watch for and even worry about. But, I can't see that this is one of them.