Perennial Is Private Better?

[Anonymous]

We are in Fairfax county, and kids attend a top notch Private High School, generally regarded as one of the best on this board. Wife is subbing at local public high schools these days (stay at home Mom that is bored). We make $300,000, live in No VA. Grandparent pays tuition (2 now soon to be 3 when third kid is in HS).

Wife arguing with me saying Grandparent wasting money paying when they should save money for college. Grandparent will retire and likely will only be able to contribute very little for college. We have high expenses and will be comfortably be able to afford state school for college in Virginia but private, ivy, etc. will be a stretch.

Thoughts? Pull them out of high school in private and go Fairfax county. The one she is subbing at today is much better school than the high school we are zoned for (though she subbed there previously and said it was also pretty good). We would have to move and don't have money for downpayment to area where she is subbing today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are in Fairfax county, and kids attend a top notch Private High School, generally regarded as one of the best on this board. Wife is subbing at local public high schools these days (stay at home Mom that is bored). We make $300,000, live in No VA. Grandparent pays tuition (2 now soon to be 3 when third kid is in HS).

Wife arguing with me saying Grandparent wasting money paying when they should save money for college. Grandparent will retire and likely will only be able to contribute very little for college. We have high expenses and will be comfortably be able to afford state school for college in Virginia but private, ivy, etc. will be a stretch.

Thoughts? Pull them out of high school in private and go Fairfax county. The one she is subbing at today is much better school than the high school we are zoned for (though she subbed there previously and said it was also pretty good). We would have to move and don't have money for downpayment to area where she is subbing today.

Maybe the wife should get a job.

[Anonymous]

That's a really personal question. I don't send my kids to private because I think the school is unequivocally better. I do it because it's better for MY kids-smaller class sizes, more individualized learning and more of an emphasis on the arts and humanities than the public we came from. If I thought that one of my kids would be better served in public than I would move. But socially it would be pretty mean to pull kids from private just because you have had a change of heart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are in Fairfax county, and kids attend a top notch Private High School, generally regarded as one of the best on this board. Wife is subbing at local public high schools these days (stay at home Mom that is bored). We make $300,000, live in No VA. Grandparent pays tuition (2 now soon to be 3 when third kid is in HS).

Wife arguing with me saying Grandparent wasting money paying when they should save money for college. Grandparent will retire and likely will only be able to contribute very little for college. We have high expenses and will be comfortably be able to afford state school for college in Virginia but private, ivy, etc. will be a stretch.

Thoughts? Pull them out of high school in private and go Fairfax county. The one she is subbing at today is much better school than the high school we are zoned for (though she subbed there previously and said it was also pretty good). We would have to move and don't have money for downpayment to area where she is subbing today.

Maybe the wife should get a job.

Ha ha. Good one. I was OP. She thinks no one will hire her because she has been out of market doing real estate on the side. The problem is kids still need her to drive around so she thinks the subbing eases her back into it and she retains flexibility. She will when they are all driving.

[Anonymous]

Let me see if I understand:
Right now you have free private school b/c grandparent is footing the bill. But you expect that to change b/c grandparent will retire soon.
Meanwhile you haven't saved enough money for college so you worry if they want to attend private college you can't afford it?

So your proposal is to ask grandparent to fund college fund and put the kids in public school, but that would require a move-- correct?

[Anonymous]

Impossible to offer good advice because too many details lacking: details about finances and potential for financial aid, details about the particular private schools your children might get to attend, details about likely cost of move and how much problem that might cause, details about how children might be affected by a change in school.

Personally, I think private school is materially better than public school for most kids, in the abstract. Whether it's worth the price tag is a closer call that depends on the particular kid and the particular private/public schools you are comparing, and the costs.

If you pull them from private HS, do you think they're likely to attend an expensive college anyway? What do you think about the value of HS vs college in terms of cost and quality education are?

Just reading between the lines of your post, it seems like this may have more to do with your wife's subbing and other issues than just a simple calculation of the school options.

[Anonymous]

Are your kids attending private only for high school? In that case, then it may be worth just to keep them there.

(In my case, we're at a slightly higher income albeit with 2 full-time workers, also with grandparent help for tuition, but in our case the grandparents have been helping since elementary school, for which I feel guilty. Another slight difference -- we have $300K each in our 3 kids' college funds, thanks again to the grandparents.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let me see if I understand:
Right now you have free private school b/c grandparent is footing the bill. But you expect that to change b/c grandparent will retire soon.
Meanwhile you haven't saved enough money for college so you worry if they want to attend private college you can't afford it?

So your proposal is to ask grandparent to fund college fund and put the kids in public school, but that would require a move-- correct?

12:50 again. Good summary. I'd add to it OP's point that he cannot afford to move to the preferred public school zone anyway.

Put that way, I'd say you should involve the grandparents in the discussion, because it's really their money that's controlling all of this. Are they willing to set aside their money until after retirement and fund private college, which is a helluva lot more expensive than private high school? Are they going to fund your move too?

To be blunt, I think you're overthinking how you'll spend someone else's money. Accept the gift you're receiving, and plan for the next step.

[Anonymous]

You're spending money that grandparents really don't have for retirement on kids' school when you make 300k?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let me see if I understand:
Right now you have free private school b/c grandparent is footing the bill. But you expect that to change b/c grandparent will retire soon.
Meanwhile you haven't saved enough money for college so you worry if they want to attend private college you can't afford it?

So your proposal is to ask grandparent to fund college fund and put the kids in public school, but that would require a move-- correct?

12:50 again. Good summary. I'd add to it OP's point that he cannot afford to move to the preferred public school zone anyway.

Put that way, I'd say you should involve the grandparents in the discussion, because it's really their money that's controlling all of this. Are they willing to set aside their money until after retirement and fund private college, which is a helluva lot more expensive than private high school? Are they going to fund your move too?

To be blunt, I think you're overthinking how you'll spend someone else's money. Accept the gift you're receiving, and plan for the next step.

PP here. I agree- It seems like you think you have more control over this situation than you actually do. I would talk to the grandparents if you want, but I wouldn't change anything except to increase your college savings...

[Anonymous]

And why haven't you saved for college or a downpayment on 300k when grandparents are footing the private school bill??

[Anonymous]

You sound like an ingrate to me OP. And, like others have said if you are making 300k and the grandparents are paying the tuition, why can't you save any money? Doesn't make any sense

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let me see if I understand:
Right now you have free private school b/c grandparent is footing the bill. But you expect that to change b/c grandparent will retire soon.
Meanwhile you haven't saved enough money for college so you worry if they want to attend private college you can't afford it?

So your proposal is to ask grandparent to fund college fund and put the kids in public school, but that would require a move-- correct?

Op here. Generally, correct. Grandparent is older and makes a lot of money and is widowed. GP will pay tuition for private and may be able to give some for college. For college, we have enough (selling rental properties) to fund three kids at state school in Virginia. Three in ivy would be difficult without loans (twice as much).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound like an ingrate to me OP. And, like others have said if you are making 300k and the grandparents are paying the tuition, why can't you save any money? Doesn't make any sense

OP here, that is what I told my wife.

We can't save because that is another discussion thread...this area is expensive with three kids, etc. Not this discussion. Yes we are poor saves. We are millionaires (net worth around 1.5mill) but most of it is in real estate and retirement accounts. Non-liquid. We have some saved away in UTMA accounts.

[Anonymous]

In general, I think a top notch private school is better. However, is it 30-40K better when your public school is top rated, probably not. Could college placement be similar, probably so. Really it's about the journey, not specifically the college placement. I try to think, which experience would prepare my children better, not just academically, for college. If my child is ready to take advantage of college opportunities, the Ivy Lesgues will still be there for grad school. Or they may want to save and go to a public university for grad school.