Tips on getting kids to talk?

[Anonymous]

Anyone have tips on getting your kids to tell you more about their day/feelings/etc.? Or good book recommendations? My 7 year old no longer tells us much about school and friends and absolutely hates when we ask too many questions. I miss feeling connected to his days.

[Anonymous]

Who did they play with at recess?
Anything funny happen?
Did they get a good story?
Was lunch nice?
Anyone got a cold?

Just ask questions that don't put them under pressure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who did they play with at recess?
Anything funny happen?
Did they get a good story?
Was lunch nice?
Anyone got a cold?

Just ask questions that don't put them under pressure.

Seriously? Tell me who has a cold Jacob... did anyone pass gas? anyways, OP, just flat out say, what did you do in math today and nothing is not an acceptable answer.

[Anonymous]

I have and want to read: How to talk so kids will listen, and how to listen so kids will talk, but I haven't read it yet!

I have 3 kids - the oldest is 7. Each night I read to each kid alone and then we have 5 minutes of extra time after reading where we just talk. We also eat dinner together and talk about our day then too. I got this for dinner which has been nice: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B004XAF9G8

Sometimes it is pulling teeth to get my 7 y/o to talk, but I try not ask questions like: how was your day? (Answer always is: fine). I ask more specific question - what did you have for lunch? who did you sit with? What did you play at recess?

Here are some Qs I like:
http://www.parent.co/30-questions-to-ask-your-kid-instead-of-how-was-your-day/

I wouldn't expect immediate results, but I think if you keep at it you will learn more! Sometimes instead of me asking questions - I ask DC to ask me a question, and usually I ask him to answer the same question. Sometimes those are good ones!

[Anonymous]

Try doing it at bedtime with the light out.
Im not at this stage yet but Ive heard this is a when kids like to open up because youre not looking at them.

[Anonymous]

Book: How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish

Great tips & excercises.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who did they play with at recess?
Anything funny happen?
Did they get a good story?
Was lunch nice?
Anyone got a cold?

Just ask questions that don't put them under pressure.

Seriously? Tell me who has a cold Jacob... did anyone pass gas? anyways, OP, just flat out say, what did you do in math today and nothing is not an acceptable answer.

sure why not - it will lead to them telling you stuff that matters without feeing grilled by you for the extra info. Dummy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Try doing it at bedtime with the light out.
Im not at this stage yet but Ive heard this is a when kids like to open up because youre not looking at them.

Terrible suggestion. They have just wound down after a day at school and just before they sleep you ask them to relive it. Great parenting skills.

[Anonymous]

Don't interrogate them when they get home from school. They've been answering questions and following rules for the past 6 hours. Let them unwind. You shouldn't expect to be as connected to his days as you were before he went to school. That's the way life works with kids.

Parent of a 7 year old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anyone have tips on getting your kids to tell you more about their day/feelings/etc.? Or good book recommendations? My 7 year old no longer tells us much about school and friends and absolutely hates when we ask too many questions. I miss feeling connected to his days.

You aren't connected to his days anymore. That's natural at this age. He has his own friends and issues that he doesn't want to come home and immediately tell you about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Try doing it at bedtime with the light out.
Im not at this stage yet but Ive heard this is a when kids like to open up because youre not looking at them.

Nighttime/bedtime is when all the drama comes out. I always tread lightly during this time because I don't want to open up a can of worms that would otherwise be forgotten in the morning. I want to know the important stuff, but minor stuff like, "Johnny stuck his tongue out at me" and then having him up for another 30 minutes discussing it isn't helpful for the nighttime routine.

[Anonymous]

OP here. The tricks I try with mixed success are telling him something strange about my day or anything funny I can think of (he does like listening to stories about our days and sometimes it prompts him to talk) and laying down with him at night after books - that is definitely when he's most chatty. The no pressure questions like above only work to an extent. I get home after him so he's unwound for a bit beforehand and we're low-key about it. I get that it's natural at this age to pull away but still want to try my best to foster our relationship.

[Anonymous]

I start to tell him about my day. He listens politely for like 2 minutes while I rattle on about meetings and clients and then he gets bored and finally speaks up about his day.

[Anonymous]

We have had middling success with everyone sharing "2 truths and a lie" and the rest of us have to guess which is which. Sometimes we hear a ton, and sometimes we hear "I ate lunch, and I played with my friends" as though DC was reading from a script.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I start to tell him about my day. He listens politely for like 2 minutes while I rattle on about meetings and clients and then he gets bored and finally speaks up about his day.

Love it.