S/O: If you are the one 'on vacation' with your kids

[Anonymous]

The thread about the OP whose sister doesn't watch her kids and doesn't clean up after herself when they all vacation together really hit home for me. My sister and my brother are both the same way with their families, and it makes it tough to enjoy time with them.

For example: like the other OP, my sister will simply sleep in while her VERY YOUNG kids are roaming around. Honestly, she just assumes that another adult will be up already and will be willing to watch her kids. Once, my baby was sleeping in very late, so my husband and I didn't come out of our bedroom until almost 8 a.m. ALL THREE of her kids were walking around unsupervised, as my dad was at work and my mom was working out (which we all knew would be the case the night before.) My sister's youngest had gotten into crayons and was coloring all over my parents' dining room walls and table. And my sister just laughed and was like, oh, I thought Jane would be awake to watch her.

My brother and one of my adult cousins never watch their kids, to the point where they once couldn't find their children for **two hours** at my parents' lake cottage. I wasn't there for this incident, but my mom told me that, honestly, they thought the kids were dead at the bottom of the lake. Turns out they had walked unsupervised to a nearby grocery (very rural town) and were buying candy. They were 5 and 6 at the time.

Both my brother and sister will never help out with cleaning/cooking/laundry; my mom and I do everything. It exhausts my mother, but she never says anything. I don't say anything, because I support my mom as a hostess, and don't want to make waves in her home.

If you are like this with your kids, WHY? Why do you think you get a free pass "on vacation" and make everything harder for the OTHER adults? (And kids!)

[Anonymous]

You should say something.

Personally, I'd open sister's door and let the kids in there and tell her she needs to get up and watch her kids.

[Anonymous]

Don't stay with them if at all possible. Don't watch kids, send them to find their parents.

Most of all: don't raise your kids to be like this. Self entitled and self absorbed. I bet your mom is embarrassed, that's why she puts up with it. My SIL is like this and my MIL is highly protective of her. Why? She feels guilty she raised a daughter who is so thoughtless and selfish.

[Anonymous]

They probably live like that all the time, not just vacation.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you all have a serious communication problem. Is everyone afraid of your sister or something?

My DH and I do probably 10% of the child care when we are with either set of grandparents, but it is absolutely their preference to be the early risers and main carers while we are all together.

[Anonymous]

That's gross and I don't know why anyone (especially you) doesn't send the kids in to wake her up, or discuss this with her.

I watch my own kids even when I'm with the grandparents (which is rare).

[Anonymous]

OP, I get that you don't want to make waves with your family, and compromise a nice time with them. But she's the one who is making it not a nice time.

Address each issue that comes up, calmly, case-by-case.

"Hey sis, could you or Pete please get up and come out here with us? I'm watching Henry, and dad is at work and mom is working out, so I can't also keep an eye on all three of your guys with no help. Thanks."

[Anonymous]

I don't understand why you and your mother don't speak up about this. I WOULD NOT vacation with, or host, a person who can't watch their kids. It would stress me out too much, which is not the point of a vacation.

[Anonymous]

NP but this is why we don't travel to our family's anymore for vacations. Our parents always say they'll help, etc, but they don't. We stay up late and change our schedule for them, but they don't lift a finger with our kids. It's much better if we're at a hotel and can do things on our own schedule

[Anonymous]

These threads make me laugh. The OP asked people who behave this way to respond. Yet not one of the responses is from someone who had admitted to behaving like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These threads make me laugh. The OP asked people who behave this way to respond. Yet not one of the responses is from someone who had admitted to behaving like that.

Probably people who behave like that are blind to the imposition they are placing on others and don't think they're doing anything wrong.

[Anonymous]

My BIL and his wife are like this. And they wonder why we don't offer them our guest rooms anymore.

Question is, why do you keep vacationing with your family? Suck it up or stay at a hotel or airbnb nearby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These threads make me laugh. The OP asked people who behave this way to respond. Yet not one of the responses is from someone who had admitted to behaving like that.

That is because people who do things like the OP has indicated are not aware of their behavior or their affect on others.

[Anonymous]

"Gertrude, little Herman is asking for breakfast." "Gertrude, little Hortencia is drawing on Mom's wall." "Gertrude, I put your family's dirty dishes over there." "Gertrude, I'll clean up the kitchen tonight if you'll do it tomorrow."

If she doesn't get the hint it's probably time for a discussion (away from mom's house) before the next family gathering.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These threads make me laugh. The OP asked people who behave this way to respond. Yet not one of the responses is from someone who had admitted to behaving like that.

Good point! OP is preaching to the DCUM choir.