When should we have DD's birthday party?

[Anonymous]

I know this is only February, but I need to plan. DD’s 6th birthday is June 22. In the past, we have had a rough time with RSVPs because of everyone is on vacation. It wasn’t that big of a deal in preschool, but now that she is in K and has consistent friends, we want to make sure we have it when people can come. A while ago, we thought of having it in early June, maybe 1-2 weekends before school gets out. Whelp, now we are expecting a baby with a June 3 due date. My first two kids were early, so we’re ready for mid-May, but anything could happen, so we have to be prepared for early/mid-June too.

My question is… when should we have this birthday party? Is it ridiculous to have a party 6+ weeks before the birthday? We’ll do something special for DD actually ON her birthday, but I know she really wants a “real” party, and I wouldn’t want to not have one for her just because she’s getting a sibling and logistics are complicated. She’s already a little meh about the baby and I don’t want to add to that if we can avoid it. We’re definitely planning to do a location party, so we need to book it eventually. Should we just go back to having the party closer to her actual birthday, when the baby is potentially manageable and invite more people, hoping at least a few can come? Last year, she had 0/12 preschool classmates come, and we made the party with a couple of cousins and some of my friends’ kids that she barely knew. I do not want that to happen again, especially when DD has been to a few classmates’ parties this year and is already talking about who she wants to invite to her own.

Yes, overthinking, I completely acknowledge this. But I’m also pregnant with a 5-year-old who keeps asking if I’ll love the baby more than I love her. I do NOT want to make it too obvious that her birthday is being rearranged because of her new sibling.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you could do a big special thing for her at the end of June instead? Just you all have a very special outing/day? I realize there's a chance you won't have the baby until late June, but was your first born late? I had a quick delivery and easy recovery with my #2 so this would've been easy for us.

[Anonymous]

Do it close to her birthday. Unless the baby is actually born on the date of her party, don't let the newborn usurp her own special day.

Plan ahead if an extra adult or two can be on hand in party mode, whether your mom or MIL, or a close friend who can help take charge if you are managing a 2wk old baby. My DH is a fully capable guy, but managing a party for a bunch of young kids just wouldn't be his speed so he'd appreciate it if we had someone else on tap.

Does she have one or two BFFs? Email those moms before you book anything, and ask if they have travel plans the weekend before or after her birthday, and explain that if you can you'd schedule the party on a weekend that would work for them. DD has had the same two close friends since they were in Pre-K, and they're now in 2nd grade. Both moms and I always email each other when we start thinking birthdays to make sure that we "save the date" for each other's kids. That way, even if overall turnout is low, the kids most important to her will be there.

[Anonymous]

Plan a smaller party near her bday where you can confirm that the few (3-5) people who she is inviting can definitely make it. Throw out 2-3 dates/times to the group and pick the one that works best for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Agree email her closest half dozen friends and ask if they'll be around. At this point, I think everyone basically knows their vacation plans--especially if they are working moms that need to have camps for coverage.

[Anonymous]

I think 6 weeks before would be fine. DC #3's bday falls 3 weeks before DC2's bday. That one year I had DC2's bday party about 5 weeks because I know myself and wasn't going to be able to handle doing a party with a newborn.

[Anonymous]

I meant to write we had DC2's party about 5 weeks before DS2's actual bday that year

[Anonymous]

Can you talk up having the party early so it feels like a special privilege instead of a rearrangement? Like "We can't wait until June--let's have your party in May!" And then do a special family thing on her birthday, with another cake or cupcakes or whatever.

[Anonymous]

My son's b-day is the same as your daughter's. We have pretty much given up on having a party in June. That weekend right after school is terrible as everyone is heading off on vacation. The whole summer is tough, really. We did have a small party last year for his 10th, but otherwise he's chosen to get a nicer gift in lieu of a party and it's saved all of us some headaches.

[Anonymous]

I would do it in early June before school lets out. I would book a places that does everything so that you just have to show up and not worry about anything since you will be in the newborn fog.

[Anonymous]

Six weeks beforehand is fine. A party is a party, it's a celebration for her, her friends will come, and there's no law that says it has to be close to her actual birthday. I always have my daughter's birthday party weeks after her December birthday. It's fine!

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for the responses! I floated the idea of an early May birthday party by DD just to see where she stood and she was thrilled at the prospect, so I think that's what we're going to do! We'll have a family-only get together with cousins and grandparents on her birthday, so she'll end up with two parties.