Conundrum about online dating

[Anonymous]

So, after years of being single I decided to give OKC a chance. I answered a ton of questions that help determine compatibility with others on the site. Twice in one day I've been contacted by a man who said "it looks like you're just looking for sex right now." That is definitely not true. One of the questions is something along the lines "Do you feel more horny or lonely right now." Well I don't feel lonely. I have plenty to keep me busy, lots of friends, a great job. So I answered "horny." Because I guess that's one part of my life I'd like to explore again, but I'd like to do it THROUGH a relationship. So, apparently I got this all wrong. What gives!!!????

[Anonymous]

yeah, so you've learned you need to super careful answering the sex-related questions. either you can hide your answers or delete them. I'd lean towards deleting them altogether, lest you are okay with receiving more emails like the one you've described.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:yeah, so you've learned you need to super careful answering the sex-related questions. either you can hide your answers or delete them. I'd lean towards deleting them altogether, lest you are okay with receiving more emails like the one you've described.

Agreed. But why contact me to basically say "I'm not interested because you're just looking for sex.?" It's just bizarre

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:yeah, so you've learned you need to super careful answering the sex-related questions. either you can hide your answers or delete them. I'd lean towards deleting them altogether, lest you are okay with receiving more emails like the one you've described.

Agreed. But why contact me to basically say "I'm not interested because you're just looking for sex.?" It's just bizarre

he was probably sending a message saying he is interested (normally) based on your profile/pictures but b/c of your answers, he interpreted it as you wanting something very different from what he wants (dating, not just a hookup).

I'll admit I had the same reactions to some profiles when I was on OKC a few years ago. I had met a number of women but none of them panned out beyond a few weeks (tops). I ended up using match and found that to be much better (ironically, match owns OKC).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:yeah, so you've learned you need to super careful answering the sex-related questions. either you can hide your answers or delete them. I'd lean towards deleting them altogether, lest you are okay with receiving more emails like the one you've described.

Agreed. But why contact me to basically say "I'm not interested because you're just looking for sex.?" It's just bizarre

Be glad he did! Now you've learned something useful about how OKC works, and you can hide/delete/modify the sex questions to get better matches.

There are going to be a lot of weird interactions in online dating; not everyone has the same expectations or follows the same "rules." You'll do great if you can roll with "weird" and recognize when it's just something you would have done differently vs. something you find truly off-putting.

[Anonymous]

I've signed up on Match & POF and what annoys me are the one liner emails "Hello", "Hi", "Pretty". I don't expect a novel, but is a sentence that hard to type?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:yeah, so you've learned you need to super careful answering the sex-related questions. either you can hide your answers or delete them. I'd lean towards deleting them altogether, lest you are okay with receiving more emails like the one you've described.

Agreed. But why contact me to basically say "I'm not interested because you're just looking for sex.?" It's just bizarre

Haha I thought he was asking for sex from your op. I didn't realize he meant he wasn't interested.

I think that as a woman you're going to get an unreasonable amount of idiot messages. If you're hot or sex positive, you double that.

[Anonymous]

OP: mind if I take a look at your profile?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:yeah, so you've learned you need to super careful answering the sex-related questions. either you can hide your answers or delete them. I'd lean towards deleting them altogether, lest you are okay with receiving more emails like the one you've described.

Agreed. But why contact me to basically say "I'm not interested because you're just looking for sex.?" It's just bizarre

Haha I thought he was asking for sex from your op. I didn't realize he meant he wasn't interested.

I think that as a woman you're going to get an unreasonable amount of idiot messages. If you're hot or sex positive, you double that.

Op here, so far, other than the two guys telling me they are not interested in the sex they thought I was offering I was contacted by at least 5 guys who were in there early 20s telling me they like older women (I'm 38). Two guys who said they are married but wanted to bring another person into the mix. One really hot guy (like model good) who was asking if I was interested in an arrangement with two guys and about 20 "hey geouregos" emails.

ughhh

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: mind if I take a look at your profile?

How do you propose to do that? I'm certainly not going to post a link on here.

[Anonymous]

OP, no matter how you answer those questions, you will get those emails. That's what OkCupid is like for women. If she wouldn't kill me, I'd link my best friend's Twitter account here. She constantly tweets screenshots of the messages she receives. Nine time out of ten, they are disgusting and despicable, and she makes it blatantly clear in her profile that she is not interested in anything casual.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, no matter how you answer those questions, you will get those emails. That's what OkCupid is like for women. If she wouldn't kill me, I'd link my best friend's Twitter account here. She constantly tweets screenshots of the messages she receives. Nine time out of ten, they are disgusting and despicable, and she makes it blatantly clear in her profile that she is not interested in anything casual.

Is her account open? Because if she is tweeting it to the world why is she all uptight about you posting those public tweets on this public board?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, no matter how you answer those questions, you will get those emails. That's what OkCupid is like for women. If she wouldn't kill me, I'd link my best friend's Twitter account here. She constantly tweets screenshots of the messages she receives. Nine time out of ten, they are disgusting and despicable, and she makes it blatantly clear in her profile that she is not interested in anything casual.

Is her account open? Because if she is tweeting it to the world why is she all uptight about you posting those public tweets on this public board?

Having an open account is one thing. My posting it here, and opening her up to the DCUM shit-storm that would ensue, is entirely something else. I'd never do that to her.

[Anonymous]

That's an awful question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: mind if I take a look at your profile?

How do you propose to do that? I'm certainly not going to post a link on here.

I could give you my email address, or my screen name here.