SIL needs a lesson in manners

[Anonymous]

I love my sister in law. I actually consider her a friend. This past month or so she's been pretty inconsiderate though. Examples being: she texts me asking if her and her parents can come by. I said sure, please give us about 20 minutes as DH is in the shower and I'm eating. She texted back and says "I'm on my way though". Then DH's phone goes off and its a text from SIL that says "can I come over?" Another example is she's also been just showing up without so much as a text. She's also been texting me when she should be texting DH.

[Anonymous]

OP cont. DH was doing a project for her and she texted me about it. I said "you'll have to ask DH". Then she just kept talking to me about it so I said once more "you'll have to ask DH". I don't want to be rude and I'm sure she thought I was being rude. How do I gently approach this?

[Anonymous]

She does sound rude. Perhaps your husband could tell her not to come unannounced?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She does sound rude. Perhaps your husband could tell her not to come unannounced?

She tends to take direct as rude. It's frustrating. I love her but if this keeps up our relationship is going to most definitely be strained.

[Anonymous]

Oh and she never did text her brother about the damn project. She texted me hours later with a message for him. I responded "well, I never told him in the first place so nothing has changed" I guess that doesn't make sense. She was texting earlier about how she wanted to change the project. Then hours later texted "nevermind the change".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She does sound rude. Perhaps your husband could tell her not to come unannounced?

She tends to take direct as rude. It's frustrating. I love her but if this keeps up our relationship is going to most definitely be strained.

Ugh, sounds difficult. You'll have to accept that in order to safeguard boundaries, you will have to be direct, and she will get upset. Too bad for her.

[Anonymous]

I really don't see what is so bad about this. She is a bit eager, but nothing overly bad. She feels she can call you and that you are friends and you being direct/rude about couple of small things like dropping by or asking questions will definitely strain your relationship as she is acting like you are family, and you are acting like she is annoying you when she is just being friendly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really don't see what is so bad about this. She is a bit eager, but nothing overly bad. She feels she can call you and that you are friends and you being direct/rude about couple of small things like dropping by or asking questions will definitely strain your relationship as she is acting like you are family, and you are acting like she is annoying you when she is just being friendly.

I just want her to call first. That's not unreasonable. I also don't appreciate that she didn't like my response so she texted DH. I wasn't anywhere DH to ask about the project and I knew that changing the project was going to make him mad. I shouldn't have to get in the middle of that.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, I realize I'm at fault here not explaining what the project is or why I'm frustrated she texted me about it. DH is building a beautiful hutch for his mother's birthday and his sister was going to paint it. He's halfway finished and planned to finish this weekend. SIL agreed to it being finished this weekend. Yesterday she texts me and says "I'm just going to buy a hutch" and sends me a picture of the hutch she wants to buy.

[Anonymous]

She sounds flaky and annoying. Ignore her texts if you tell her "ask DH" and she keeps texting you. Don't answer the door if she shows up unannounced.

[Anonymous]

I think you do need to be direct, whether she considers it rude or not. Tell her to call first before she comes over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, I realize I'm at fault here not explaining what the project is or why I'm frustrated she texted me about it. DH is building a beautiful hutch for his mother's birthday and his sister was going to paint it. He's halfway finished and planned to finish this weekend. SIL agreed to it being finished this weekend. Yesterday she texts me and says "I'm just going to buy a hutch" and sends me a picture of the hutch she wants to buy.

It seems like she knows her brother has a history of not calling back/avoiding her calls so she calls you. She sounds like a nervous, slightly OCD person, but is it possible that is because she knows her brother? Maybe he has been late with many things in the past, so she is turning to you for help? It seems like your DH knows how to handle her/not respond to her OCD behavior and calls and it might be a good idea if you did the same. Ask your DH how he ignores her behavior, and then do the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, I realize I'm at fault here not explaining what the project is or why I'm frustrated she texted me about it. DH is building a beautiful hutch for his mother's birthday and his sister was going to paint it. He's halfway finished and planned to finish this weekend. SIL agreed to it being finished this weekend. Yesterday she texts me and says "I'm just going to buy a hutch" and sends me a picture of the hutch she wants to buy.

It seems like she knows her brother has a history of not calling back/avoiding her calls so she calls you. She sounds like a nervous, slightly OCD person, but is it possible that is because she knows her brother? Maybe he has been late with many things in the past, so she is turning to you for help? It seems like your DH knows how to handle her/not respond to her OCD behavior and calls and it might be a good idea if you did the same. Ask your DH how he ignores her behavior, and then do the same.

He's never late. She's just impatient and thinks she has to have it that second. He doesn't ignore her. He probably would have called her and politely explain that he had already spent money and time building it and say she needed to be patient. Which would have lead to her saying ok and wigging out the following day. She will do this until she gets the hutch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, I realize I'm at fault here not explaining what the project is or why I'm frustrated she texted me about it. DH is building a beautiful hutch for his mother's birthday and his sister was going to paint it. He's halfway finished and planned to finish this weekend. SIL agreed to it being finished this weekend. Yesterday she texts me and says "I'm just going to buy a hutch" and sends me a picture of the hutch she wants to buy.

It seems like she knows her brother has a history of not calling back/avoiding her calls so she calls you. She sounds like a nervous, slightly OCD person, but is it possible that is because she knows her brother? Maybe he has been late with many things in the past, so she is turning to you for help? It seems like your DH knows how to handle her/not respond to her OCD behavior and calls and it might be a good idea if you did the same. Ask your DH how he ignores her behavior, and then do the same.

He's never late. She's just impatient and thinks she has to have it that second. He doesn't ignore her. He probably would have called her and politely explain that he had already spent money and time building it and say she needed to be patient. Which would have lead to her saying ok and wigging out the following day. She will do this until she gets the hutch.

I think in that case, if you wish to keep cordial relationship with her, you need to just shrug it off. How old is she? I would leave it to your DH to deal with her. Possibly as soon as she texts you, text back that it would be best if she just texted her brother. If she calls, don't pick up and then text her back a lot later, saying you were driving and busy now with dinner, etc... If she is young, maybe she will change with time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, I realize I'm at fault here not explaining what the project is or why I'm frustrated she texted me about it. DH is building a beautiful hutch for his mother's birthday and his sister was going to paint it. He's halfway finished and planned to finish this weekend. SIL agreed to it being finished this weekend. Yesterday she texts me and says "I'm just going to buy a hutch" and sends me a picture of the hutch she wants to buy.

It seems like she knows her brother has a history of not calling back/avoiding her calls so she calls you. She sounds like a nervous, slightly OCD person, but is it possible that is because she knows her brother? Maybe he has been late with many things in the past, so she is turning to you for help? It seems like your DH knows how to handle her/not respond to her OCD behavior and calls and it might be a good idea if you did the same. Ask your DH how he ignores her behavior, and then do the same.

He's never late. She's just impatient and thinks she has to have it that second. He doesn't ignore her. He probably would have called her and politely explain that he had already spent money and time building it and say she needed to be patient. Which would have lead to her saying ok and wigging out the following day. She will do this until she gets the hutch.

I think in that case, if you wish to keep cordial relationship with her, you need to just shrug it off. How old is she? I would leave it to your DH to deal with her. Possibly as soon as she texts you, text back that it would be best if she just texted her brother. If she calls, don't pick up and then text her back a lot later, saying you were driving and busy now with dinner, etc... If she is young, maybe she will change with time?

She's almost 30. Idk DH says maybe she thought he didn't have the time and was trying to help him.