10yr old DD and 8yr old DS hate each other
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Anonymous
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I have 3 kids 10, 8 and 4. My oldest used to be best friends but now they hate each other. They are mean to each other, calling names, getting in both verbal and physical altercations.
Example this morning 8yr old DS was playing Mario kart and 10yr old DD wanted to watch something so she kept telling her brother how much he sucked at the game till he got so angry he quit and then hit her. Later 10yr old is reading on the couch and 8yr old closes the book on her and runs away with it(for no reason other than to aggravate) Then at lunch they get into an another fight over who got more macaroni and cheese that ended with my 10yr old crying and refusing to eat at all. I can't take it anymore. I dread the weekends and the constant fighting. I try taking them to museums and fun places and they fight in the car, they tease and belittle each other the whole time. Please help! |
Anonymous
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Every time one of them says something unkind to the other, make them say 3 kind things instead. They are stuck in a cycle of messing with each other out of boredom and retaliation for the last time. You need to step in and supervise like they are toddlers again because they can't manage this relationship on their own right now.
They don't get to be in the same room unless you are there too. If one of them tries to start something, that one goes to his/her room. |
Anonymous
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Tell them "You don't have to like each other, but you do have to be civil and not treat each other rudely."
Then enforce that, sending them *both* to their rooms or to sit in chairs facing the corner each time they start something, until they can both agree to stop whatever it is. Eventually, they will catch on that picking fights just leads to removal from anything interesting that's going on, and they will most likely figure out that it's not worth the boredom and decide to coexist in civil silence or better. |
Anonymous
| Why aren't you nipping the behavior? You let the 10 year old badger the sibling about game skills until he hit her? |
Anonymous
| Read Siblings without Rivalry |
Anonymous
+1 parent your children. |
Anonymous
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Expect/demand civility. If something would be hurtful to say to a friend, they shouldn't say it to a sibling.
Beyond that, their relationship is not in your control. When possible, strengthen their opportunities to be apart - at this stage. Chances are they will ultimately be very fond of each other. |
Anonymous
| My kids fight a ton. Doesn't mean they hate each other. Do you intervene? Help them work it out? Give consequences to the instigator? Hitting is an immediate consequence in my house. Fighting with words not as much unless it's malicious. I try and help them negotiate issues while they're young so as they get older they know how to do it. Leave them to their own devices and how will they learn? |
Anonymous
| It sounds like this behavior has been going on for a long time. I have kids the same age. You need to make them go sit alone in their rooms when they behave that way. Don't take sides or involve yourself in their arguments. Enforce a zero tolerance for mean behavior and fighting. An hour in their rooms for any fighting, NO Excuses! |
Anonymous
Seriously! I read this book when my kids were toddlers and have followed it. My kids never fight and a very close and supportive. They are 10 & 12. |
Anonymous
| My sister and I fought a lot and it was mostly because she was constantly harassing me. 40 years later I can still feel the anger that my mother didn't stop it. My isster died when we were teenagers and I can still remember the last mean thing I said, that I wish I could take back. If you can't fix this with the great suggestions above, seek family counseling. Where is this nastiness coming from? It is not okay to be deliberately mean, and you need to stamp it out and work on building empathy. I am going to read the book myself. |