school anxiety suddenly

[Anonymous]

My son is 10 and in the 4th grade. He is at a good public school, but recently has said that he hates school and has refused to go a few times (very dramatic crying etc. and called from the nurses office severla times). This has been doing on for 2-3 weeks. He has lots of friends, is bright and athletic, but does have ADHD and some anxiety (but we are usually the only ones who see it). It's really hard re: trying to go to work and having school refusal. He says he hates his teachers and school, but can't tell us much else. We are taking him to therapy and he was doing great until this recent school avoidance.

We are starting to consider private school b/c it may be more "safe" and better re: class size etc. If he has an above average IQ, ADHD and some anxiety, what schools would you suggest in Maryland? We live in the Bethesda area. He is very athletic and social, so in some ways it would be harder to leave the larger social options in public, but he may just need a smaller class size. What schools might accept a kid who has this profile? He doesn't have learning disabilities and no behavior issues, but he does have ADHD (medicated) and low grade anxiety.

Thanks for reading this and for any input. It is awful to see him so upset about school. We also cannot enable any avoidance, which of course exacerbates the anxiety.

We have also missed several deadlines to schools for next year....

[Anonymous]

You may be able to call Admissions Offices to see if any schools you are interested in will consider taking a late application. Are you looking for a secular or religious school? You could check out Norwood, Washington Episcopal, The Woods Academy, Bullis or Landon?

[Anonymous]

I don't have any schools to suggest but I did want to say that we went through this with my DD and it took several therapists before we found one who was really great. Anxiety is still an ongoing struggle for her (and she takes meds now) but the right therapist was a gamechanger.

Good luck, OP.

[Anonymous]

I think you need to get to the root of the problem before making a dramatic shift in schools. Until you can figure out what is causing the anxiety there isn't a guarantee it won't be present in another school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to get to the root of the problem before making a dramatic shift in schools. Until you can figure out what is causing the anxiety there isn't a guarantee it won't be present in another school.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to get to the root of the problem before making a dramatic shift in schools. Until you can figure out what is causing the anxiety there isn't a guarantee it won't be present in another school.

This.

As someone who went through this with a boy around the same age, I disagree. We spent years with therapists and the school system before, finally, both a therapist and a counselor and teacher at his public school recommended private school. After he began, it was like a cloud had lifted and the sun came in -- on the first day! He simply hated public school, with its many disruptions. These are hard on an ADHD kid. Someone posted a list of schools above, near Bethesda. Those are all good choices to explore - they are in the midst of applications, but they should give you an immediate sense on the phone as to whether it is worth it to apply. If you look at Landon, you'll likely hear them empathize and talk about the "factory model" of public schools (the exact same thing they were talking about today in Davos).

[Anonymous]

It's possible he's being teased or bullied.

Or, perhaps he's having more difficulty with some of the work than he's letting on--talk to his teachers. Make an appointment also with the school counselor...I agree that switching schools won't necessarily help, it may hurt to take him away from his established friendships.

Good luck. It's hard to see our children suffer!

[Anonymous]

Add St. Andrew's Episcopal and Green Acres to the list of possibilities.

[Anonymous]

We went through this in 5th grade. Anxiety and the therapist at the time likely would have not encouraged us to move to private. It's just we already had as had been dealing with it on our own for a few years ( he would have good then bad periods.)

Anyway, some anxiety still there and we have a different therapist, but the small, private school did wonders!!! He loves it and is so much happier. And, this was a kid with all As, friends, teacher's really liked, started school club -- but was unhappy. Anxiety issues but I also think the lack of real connection made it harder.

Small school and connection to teachers have been great for him. I wish all of you the best.

[Anonymous]

St Andrews or Mclean school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to get to the root of the problem before making a dramatic shift in schools. Until you can figure out what is causing the anxiety there isn't a guarantee it won't be present in another school.

Absolutely, you need to find out what's going on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to get to the root of the problem before making a dramatic shift in schools. Until you can figure out what is causing the anxiety there isn't a guarantee it won't be present in another school.

Absolutely, you need to find out what's going on.

Usually in young kids it is simply brain chemistry. (And often a family history of anxiety.)

[Anonymous]

My DS has anxiety and we it him on medication in 6th grade. He can be totally fine, but he had a flare up recently that surprised us (and him). We have a great therapist, which has really helped. He is in a small private, but the kids in the class have not been particularly nice so you do need to consider his friendships at school before moving him. I'm sorry you are going through this, and I know how hard it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:St Andrews or Mclean school.

This is 12:11; doesn't sound like this kid needs McLean. From OP description, should do fine at a small private.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DS has anxiety and we it him on medication in 6th grade. He can be totally fine, but he had a flare up recently that surprised us (and him). We have a great therapist, which has really helped. He is in a small private, but the kids in the class have not been particularly nice so you do need to consider his friendships at school before moving him. I'm sorry you are going through this, and I know how hard it is.

PP, so sorry to hear this. Is he at one of the Bethesda area privates mentioned above? Hope not.