Explain How Non-Exclusive Works

[Anonymous]

Back in the day, you met someone, pursued it and saw where it went. Now, I'm in a non-exclusive relationship, which presumably means we are each out looking for better things. I already know he won't commit to me - BTDT and lived through his rejection of a serious commitment. Heck, his divorce still isn't final and his kid doesn't want him to date. I'm just trying to figure out how you deal with all the complicated feelings. In the meantime, I'll look for something without the drama. How are you really supposed to think about these things? I am not really the type to date a bunch of people at once, yet here I am. No, he's not a jerk or an asshole. He's just kind of a mess. If he weren't, we'd still be together exclusively and I wouldn't be trying to meet someone else. Sigh.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like it's NOT working.

[Anonymous]

God. Find someone to date who WANTS to date you. Get some self esteem.

[Anonymous]

Why are you even in this non-exclusive relationship if you've BTDT and he rejected it? Either you want this - and you want a FWB - knowing nothing will ever come of it, or you know that you want more and you walk away from this situation that isn't exactly what you want.

You sound like "kind of a mess" yourself for putting up with this and not walking away. You need a clean break and not this stupid limbo situation that you've stuck yourself in.

[Anonymous]

Ok-I understand. This stuff can be complicated. Your first mistake was asking for exclusivity and getting rejected. Whenever you have the exclusivity talk, you need to be ready to walk if it's rejected. If you aren't ready and want to get what you can get from him, you need to reign in your feelings for him and date others and be ok that he's doing the same. It's very hard. I'm currently in a situation like that and I am dating others but I have a very clear preference for this one person who I know isn't ready to commit. So it's a constant tug and pull. I need to prepare to walk but it's not easy so I date others and give myself space from it all. I'm newly divorced so it's all weird and new.

[Anonymous]

He's not yet divorced and his kid doesn't want him to date. And he's not willing to become exclusive. You're probably dating my STBXH who is like a kid in a candy store now that we're separated, trying all the different flavors and varieties out there. But still not actually dealing with any of the emotional issues relating to the demise of a 20 year relationship. Broken attracts broken.

[Anonymous]

He wasn't available to be exclusive to begin with since he is still married.

Anyway, the best way to get over one man is to get under another. I highly recommend it. Happy dating.

[Anonymous]

First, why are you dating someone who hasn't even finalized a divorce, yet, you're expecting some level of exclusivity. His divorce isn't final and his child does't want him to date. Perhaps, he has better things, or should have better things to do, then date someone who is trying to pick up the scraps of someone else's broken relationship - like, maybe focus on parenting his child, who is now going through a traumatic experience, as his parents divorce.

Next, you want exclusivity, he has rejected you before, and you're expecting something different now?

Get some self-esteem and some self-respect. Obviously, if you weren't good enough for him before, you aren't good enough for him now. Find someone that you are good enough for.

[Anonymous]

How are you supposed to think about these things? You accept it for what it is. And give up hope that it will change.
If it's painful for you to be in a relationship that isn't going anywhere then you stop seeing him. It's a dead end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He wasn't available to be exclusive to begin with since he is still married.

Anyway, the best way to get over one man is to get under another. I highly recommend it. Happy dating.

This is the best advice OP....go date around, but don't sleep with everyone....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Back in the day, you met someone, pursued it and saw where it went. Now, I'm in a non-exclusive relationship, which presumably means we are each out looking for better things. I already know he won't commit to me - BTDT and lived through his rejection of a serious commitment. Heck, his divorce still isn't final and his kid doesn't want him to date. I'm just trying to figure out how you deal with all the complicated feelings. In the meantime, I'll look for something without the drama. How are you really supposed to think about these things? I am not really the type to date a bunch of people at once, yet here I am. No, he's not a jerk or an asshole. He's just kind of a mess. If he weren't, we'd still be together exclusively and I wouldn't be trying to meet someone else. Sigh.

Non-exclusive means you get to fuck other people, but it doesn't mean you're required to fuck other people. It's optional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:God. Find someone to date who WANTS to date you. Get some self esteem.

+1

[Anonymous]

"Don't make anyone a priority who makes you an option."

[Anonymous]

It sounds like it isn't working for you. I have a committed non-exclusive relationship that fits our individual needs. The details are irrelevant other than that we are both happy with it and agree that it works best for us. It doesn't sound like you are happy with what you have now. If it isn't serving you, don't serve it. Move on.

[Anonymous]

I couldn't live my (love) life in limbo like that.

Either you are fully invested or you are not.

And if you are not, then it's time for me to find someone who will be.