I think this girl may like other girls...

[Anonymous]

Is there a subtle way to let my neighbors daughter know that I too came out in HS and can give her advice if she wants to talk to someone? I don't think she's close to coming out, but I think she's questioning. I don't want to embarrass her though, or assume, but I can't think of a subtle way to say anything about it. To either her or her parents. They don't know I'm bi, since I'm married to a man now and most people just assume I'm straight.

I just keep my mouth shut in a situation like this, don't I?

[Anonymous]

Yes. MYOB.

[Anonymous]

There is no subtle way to give unsolicited advice on sexuality to someone else's kid. Of any sexual orientation. Boundaries, OP.

[Anonymous]

Are you saying you want to come out to the family? Are you friends with them? I think you could do that in the course of having some kind of politics-related discussion with them. I would not approach somebody else's child to discuss sexuality without the parents' express consent. And even then I would tread extremely lightly.

[Anonymous]

Lesbian mom here.

Back off OP. It's 2017, not 1957. If your neighbor's kid is coming out, I can assure you there is plenty of support out there. Perhaps it's not in her own home, but who knows. It's pretty arrogant to assume you may know what's going on and that your intervention is necessary. If you were close to this family, you wouldn't be asking this. But it's clear that you're not. Again, back off.

[Anonymous]

Wow. BOUNDARIES. Don't say anything.

If my daughter told me the parent of a friend had tried to pull her aside and have a conversation about sexuality with her, I'd have a MAJOR problem with that.

Can you imagine if a straight man pulled a girl aside and tried to talk to her about sexuality? It's kind of the same dynamic here. There would be suspicion that you did so to titillate yourself, and her.

[Anonymous]

1. Not your place.

2. Things have changed greatly and there are far more resources available to a teenager questioning their sexuality now than there were even 10 years ago. I'd stay out of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. Not your place.

2. Things have changed greatly and there are far more resources available to a teenager questioning their sexuality now than there were even 10 years ago. I'd stay out of it.

+1

[Anonymous]

Why would you even want to do this? I'm a bi woman so I get the compassion you feel but it is a little strange to me that you're trying to 'after school special' this situation.

[Anonymous]

Umm what alerts you that your neighbors child may be questioning her sexuality?

[Anonymous]

Coo-coo-ca-choo, Mrs. Robinson.

[Anonymous]

Lesbian mom of a gay child who has come out. STAY OUT OF IT. First, don't assume. Second, your experience has no relevance to the experience of a teen in the DC area in 2017. Third, there are a million resources that are far better than a neighbor. Fourth, You Tube has great coming out videos that are relevant to today. No one needs you for this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Coo-coo-ca-choo, Mrs. Robinson.

LOL. You I like.

[Anonymous]

Unless you're a very close friend of the family/the teen, I would stay out of it for exactly the reaction you're getting on this thread -- there is no way to not have this come across as strange and a boundary violation.

It's somewhat unfortunate; the teenage years suck and teens need all the support they can get, but society frowns on that coming from any source not working through, or approved of first by, the parents. Younger me (questioning, then out as bi, with a rather homophobic family) could have really benefited from, and would have greatly appreciated, exactly the sort of supportive adult guidance you proposed to offer this young person, but... it's pretty much not realistic to assume you can provide this for her at this stage of her life unless her parents are specifically open to you doing so.

[Anonymous]

There would be nothing more awkward than a middle aged neighbor wanting to sit down with a teen and talk about coming out. I can almost 100% guarantee that she doesn't want to have this conversation with you (and neither do her parents!)

Plus, if she does come out, it would probably be more helpful to talk to another lesbian (preferably a young one.) I'm not sure how your experiences a couple decades ago would be relevant to her life. Honestly, it sounds more like you're looking for an excuse to tell your friends that you're bisexual and not just a boring suburban mom.