Sad over fight with parents

[Anonymous]

A while back my wife got into a huge relationship changing fight with her parents and they said very hurtful things to her. She had a wonderful childhood and is very upset about the fight and loss of her old relationship and embracing the new one she will eventually have to have with her parents. I am struggling with how to help her cope with the loss. She cries when she hears songs about father-daughter relationships on the radio and when she looks at our wedding pictures and sees her parents in them because we were all so happy then. What can I tell her? How can I help her?

[Anonymous]

Take a step away and then humble oneself or and forgive

[Anonymous]

A little detail would help: What happened exactly? How long has it been since the fight? Do they have any contact now? If she still cries about it now, has she told you why it's still that emotional for her?

I nearly cut off my parents a few years ago, because they had said and done things that were extremely hurtful. They never apologized for what my mother said (and my father went along with), they have probably revised all that history in their head and would be surprised to learn that it hurt me so very much. But I have let it go, and now we are good. Two reasons for that:
1. We live far away from each other and visits are few and far between.
2. They are not normal, but crazy. They will never change. There's nothing I can do about it.

[Anonymous]

Is an apology and reconciliation not possible?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A while back my wife got into a huge relationship changing fight with her parents and they said very hurtful things to her. She had a wonderful childhood and is very upset about the fight and loss of her old relationship and embracing the new one she will eventually have to have with her parents. I am struggling with how to help her cope with the loss. She cries when she hears songs about father-daughter relationships on the radio and when she looks at our wedding pictures and sees her parents in them because we were all so happy then. What can I tell her? How can I help her?

I don't understand it (I "get" that I don't understand it and may be off base) but why can't everyone move on? Especially when you DW had a great childhood? Maybe they said hurtful things, but enough to irretrievably taint the relationship? So many people have terrible childhoods, neglectful/abusive parents...I would have given anything for a "wonderful childhood."

As for what you can tell her...ask her to call her parents. Work it out. I'm sorry if I sound sanctimonious-- I really believe in time, that unless there was childhood abuse that has remained unaddressed, the relationship can be happy. It just takes work.

[Anonymous]

Did you see Manchester by the Sea? That was a relationship changer between husband and wife. It was horrible. Is it something like that?

If it's something much less, then I think she should be able to get passed it somehow. I am not trying to minimize the hurt and pain here. But trying to give hope that she can find some sort of resolution.