Weeping as I cook tomorrow's meal

[Anonymous]

Got into a nasty texting fight with my two sisters this afternoon as I'm trying to cook ahead for tomorrow. I was already feeling sad about all the problems the care of my aging parents has made for the relationship of we three siblings. I have posted here before. I have two sisters who live near my parents in a rural area 2 hours from here. I live close-in in the DMV. They regularly castigate me for not helping enough with parental problems. I get no credit for the things I have contributed and to punish me for my supposed laziness they will randomly stop speaking to me. They keep telling me to "come down and help" yet when I ask questions about what kind of help is needed or ask for an update about my dad they hold the information hostage. They do not see how I can't help if they don't keep me informed. I should add that recently my mom was in the hospital in DC and I handled all the visits and care coordination while she was nearby hoping they would see that when distance wasn't such an issue I could be more helpful. I have also spent a lot of time on the phone recently trying to get her into an adult daycare. I am good at paperwork stuff and all that is done over the phone but because it's me they won't even help with transportation for the trial visit she needs to do at the center before she can officially sign up (and then get free transportation). I have offered to pay for the day care too but that doesn't count either. My DH read the texts and can't believe how nasty they've been. What's more, neither of them is treating my mom particularly well. Their visits with my mom are quick and consist of helping to pick up her place and taking out her trash. It's not like they are giving her a ton of time. They are just angry and taking it out on me and I don't know how to get them to stop.

[Anonymous]

I am so sorry you are feeling this way OP. I, like you, live far away from my aging parents and the burden of care is on my siblings. They pull the same shit on me. My only advice is that you do the best you can.

Your parents had 3 kids and I am sure they never intended for all three to take care of them. Your sisters chose to live close and that means the burden of responsibility is on them. You do your best and no one can make you feel guilty of badly.

Like your said" They are just angry and taking it out on me."

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, OP.

Do you think family therapy will help? You are not too far away from each other. You could all three of you meet at a therapist's office somewhere in the middle and talk about your resentments in a safe place, and come to some sort of communication plan before your mother passes away.

[Anonymous]

Me too- I am the 3rd daughter and live in DMV. Other two live 8 hours away near mom who is 88 and in assisted living. I handle the bills, taxes, and all things financial, but can't do the weekly visits to mom. Really stinks that one sister understands but the other is a pill about it.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry you are going through that. I wish you were my husband's sibling. He literally does nothing, not even call or email to see how she is... I'd be thrilled with a phone call to show he cares. I do everything.

Honestly, I'd stop and say to them, please assign me what you would like me to do and I'd be happy to do it.

[Anonymous]

Hire a geriatric social worker who visits your mom and can make suggestions about care needed and help you find it. The social worker will really help this situation out by letting you know what is needed and helping to find it.