Determining a program that is a good "match" for your child (independent or private schools)

[Anonymous]

I am hoping this thread will shed light on factors to consider when trying to determine which school program may be a good fit for your child(ren). I would love to hear about the experiences of other parents--those who have already successfully navigated the process as well as those who have learned from mistakes and and maybe didn't quite get it "right" the first time.

I have a gut feeling as to which type of school program may be a good fit for my two preschoolers (e.g., progressive vs traditional; structured vs less structured) but to be honest I am really not sure what would be the "best" match. All of the schools talk about this "match" but when I ask admissions folks it seems what it comes down to (when you factor out $ and what the school wants to accomplish in terms of class make-up & size) is, did your kid do OK on the admissions testing and are they generally well-behaved in the play date? But from our end (parents', that is), I am just not entirely sure how to evaluate where my kids would be the most likely to thrive. Furthermore, there is, of course, thriving in different areas -- socially, academically, emotionally, etc.

I really don't want to just rely on intuition, but there isn't much "data" for me to go on. Their preschool teachers say the kids are flexible enough to do well in probably any environment (nice to hear, but that doesn't help to narrow things), they did OK on the WPPSI but not sure how those results can be used to inform one's decision of the TYPE of program that would be a good match. Obviously at this young age much of this decision-making process is what the parents hope for their child, but I really do want to factor in to the extent that I can what would be best for them given their strengths, areas for improvement, learning styles, etc. etc.

Can other parents please share their decision-making processes and whether they feel they've made the right decisions the first go-round? Let's assume JUST FOR SAKE OF ARGUMENT that your child could be accepted into any program. I don't want to focus on acceptances right now, but just the process of trying to match programs to your child in the "perfect world". (If possible, I'd like the focus to be on those who have gone through this process in the DC area for private or independent schools only; the private vs. public debate has been recently addressed in other threads).

Thanks in advance for your comments and suggestions.

[Anonymous]

I wonder this exact same thing and could've written your post. I'm actually thinking about paying an educational consultant to walk us through a forthright, accurate "personality of the various schools" discussion. *not* to get into a school, honestly, but just to sort out this whole 'match' question.

[Anonymous]

Someone once told me that the best match for your child has to do with the parents. The parents are more likely to be enthusiastic about a school if they are happy with the atmosphere, the child then senses that that is the right place for him/her.
That said, I am at the same point. Would a progressive system be too lax for my child, and not push him to his potential? Will a structured system bore him and burn him out?
My child does have some self esteem problems. I am considering progressive, since self esteem matters most to me. Will I have to be vigilant, constantly making sure that work is being completed? Will I worry about the basics not being mastered?
In the end, we have to wait and see what school accepts him.
I would remove my child from a school in a second if academics are borderline or if intimidation is commonplace. I wish that there was a progressive school that had firm academics.

[Anonymous]

My child is in a private school. I feel like my older child is pretty flexible and would thrive in most environments. Although I wasn't sold on Montessori, especially because I have younger children who may not thrive in that type of classroom and I want them at the same school. So besides that, I was really looking to see where I felt our family would fit best - the academics seemed ok at all the schools we looked at. So for me deciding factors included what did other parents say about it, the facilities, how did I like the admissions people and the ease of the process, did the administration welcome us and remember us, where did our friends go, friendliness and enthusiasm of the teachers, the proximity of the school.

[Anonymous]

No need to pay $1000-3000 for an educational consultant. They are for the most part truly unhelpful.

The best way to get a sense of which school or type of school is right for your child is to visit the school and observe the kids who are there now. Weekend open houses are nice but not nearly as informative. You really need to see the current kids. How do they line up or do they not line up. Are they admonished for talking while in the line or is that encouraged? Are there 20 in the group? 10? If a school does not grow in size, will you and your family be happy with the same 24 children for the next 8 to 10 YEARS? Or will you want more intake years so there is more opportunity for new families and new faces?

A school's ability to be selective is also important. If a school is desperate to fill their spaces because they don't have enough qualified applicants, then they basically start to admit anyone who is able to pay. This could be something as basic as gender. When you start to see unbalanced classrooms, that could be a big flag. Would your child do well in a class of 24 when 16 of them are boys? girls?

Same with racial/ethnic diversity. Do you want your child to go to a school where the recruitment resembles a quota system or a Benetton ad?

Acadmeic diveristy. Sure your child did "OK" on the WPPSI or even "very superior" but what if that doesn't translate and your child begins to have trouble? What about emotional problems? The school has to be more accomodating than just offering a peanut free zone.

As for traditional vs. progressive, you really will know whether your child can thrive or not by going to visit. If your child needs direction and structure then a traditional environment might be for you. What is your household like? What is their room like? How are their toys organized? If your child is very independent and likes to figure things out on his/her own and loves to PLAY, then a progressive school might be a better option.

You can ask the child after the visit. Kids will actually like some schools more than others and you should listen to them. Listen to yourself too. If your don't love Sidwell, GDS, or Beauvoir that's OKAY. If you love that school down the block that no one has heard of that's OKAY. Go with it. As someone else said, be comforted by the fact that most of these kids will end up just fine and more or less the same regardless of where they go.

Finally, if you make the wrong choice you can always go to another school.

[Anonymous]

Agree that the consultants are a waste. Everyone in DC thinks that they are worth that much money. They are laughing all the way to the bank, not believing that they are getting people to pay that much.

[Anonymous]

I am the PP who wrote about wanting to possibly contact a consultant on a limited basis to learn about the relative merits of schools as these relate to my children, specifically.

I agree with another PP who said, basically, "go TO these schools and look around." And I do intend to do that with a keen eye.

But what I really dream of is a one-stop-shop person, or people, who can convey nuanced, specific, detailed information about several schools when compared with each other.

Like the OP, I'm a little nervous about just going with my gut when I see a class of 18, gender-balanced kids lined up talking quietly. Then I visit a second school and see the same thing, but School #2 has slightly more art on the walls but a smaller outdoor area.

That's nice as far as it goes, but it doesn't tell me what's likely to happen when my 3th grader manifests a mild learning disorder. It doesn't tell me which school's math teachers are counting the days until retirement. It doesn't tell me that, speaking only hypothetically, that "progressive" at School A means 'fend for yourself' in 5th grade while "progressive" at School B means individualized learning plans with the goal of getting all 27 students to take the same end-of-year test.

So. How to get this information on a wide scale, for comparative purposes among several schools?

[Anonymous]

I think talking to parents who are at the school (but not thru the admissions people) is a great help. I think it is very important that the family as a whole is a 'fit" for the school. If you don't feel comfortable there, why would your kids?

[Anonymous]

Agree with pp. Don't rely on info from parents that the admissions folks tell you to speak with. The "experts" sometimes don't know themselves. Do a search of this discussion (on DCUM) and put in the schools' names. You will get lot from that.

[Anonymous]

I am with the 17:42 PP who wants to know how to get more objective information that will help to compare the relative merits of each school. Although obviously important to visit the schools and to form your impressions by observing and interacting with students and faculty, and to talk to parents who aren't cherry-picked by the admissions dept., it would be good to get some sort of objective input to add to the mix. Looking up schools on this site as one PP suggested led me to some pretty heated discussions that ultimately ended up off-topic and with posters hurtling insults at each other. I think that is one of the reasons persons like educational consultants seem so appealing... in theory they should be able to add that more objective, emotion-free data that a parent can add as another piece of the puzzle.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I was one of those parents "pressed" to get my child admitted to a particular "big 3 school". I wanted it for him, but really I think it was about me. Turns out that he didn't get accepted at that particular school (but did get accepted at another "big 3 school"). I can't tell you how wonderfully he's doing there. It is absolutely the right school for him, his personality, his strengths, his interests -- and he is absolutely loving it. I am now somewhat doubtful that he would be having the same experience at the school that I so desperately wanted for him, as that school is completely different than the school that he attends (in terms of philosophy, style, atmosphere, strengths, etc.) So I'm VERY thankful that the admissions process sort of selected the right school for him. Don't get me wrong -- I still love that other school. It's just probably not the right school for my kid.

I'm sure there are some exceptions, but I believe that for the most part the admissions folks are thoughtful and know what they're doing in terms of deciding who to admit. Of course, if you are pollyanna (no slight intended) you've got your work cut out for you in making a choice among many. In her case, her child would probably thrive in many types of environments and the decision probably comes down to "gut", family fit, ease of logistics, etc.

[Anonymous]

17:42: You can go to an edu consultant and pay the $3k if it will make you feel better but the consultant will spend a little time with your child and then tell you a list of schools to go visit. You still need to visit all the schools and then a few more that weren't on the list but that your friend loves. Then you have to call the edu consultant and tell him or her your impressions. They send in the applications for you after they collect the "overwhelming paperwork" (teacher recommendation and testing if required by the school). They will call or write to each school and "advocate" for you but they don't, can't, and won't tell you what if anything they say about your child. Is that really worth $3k?

In the time they spend with your child the consultant can evaluate your offspring about as well as you can get an impression of any random child from a playground interaction . You go up to a child and the child is very shy or maybe the child comes up to you and is very talkative and verbal even though she's only two. Or you talk to a six year old who won't make eye contact and hides behind his mother. Maybe another child shoves your child when he walked over to offer a toy. Or the child tells you to shut up. You form an impression of the child. What do you think the teachers at the play visits do?

If you don't know where to start you can visit a few schools and come back here and say I really liked Lowell (for example) what other schools are like that one?

You go visit the schools and you look at the other kids and ask yourself could my dear child play with these children. You talk to the parents and think to yourself would I want you over for dinner? Do I want to see you at every school event for the next xx years?

How are the toys and educational materials organized? How is the library? Are the rooms airy and light? Do the teachers seem to have command of their classroom. Is your child really outgoing and can handle a crowd of 20 or would she better off in a smaller intimate setting. Is noisy okay or is a c-a-l-m room better? Children thrive in different environments.

If your child is very physical a big playground might be important. If you're convinced that your child is a mini-Einstein you may want a school that can reinforce this. If you walk into a school that has uniforms that may appeal to you or it may offend you to the core. Maybe you'll think uniforms in middle school is a good idea.

Religion. You might appreciate diversity but if you're Jewish or Mormon or atheist you might not appreciate your child going to Chapel five days a week. If your child is not the right gender you can eliminate a few schools right there. Do you want a school that goes through 12th grade or do you want something that only goes to 3rd. There are arguments for both.

How far away is the school? You can fall in love with a school but if it's too far away it will be difficult for everyone to remain happy after the first week. Do you really want to get home with your child from school at 4:30 after a 90 min commute with traffic? This may not be a big deal to some and to others they might be able to tolerate less.

You'd be amazed how many schools you can cross off the list of independent schools in the area based on things like religious affiliation, location, gender, maximum grade, and entry years even before you start thinking about educational philosophy and playground size.

And in the end, you can apply to all the schools you like but you still have to be accepted--THEN if you are lucky you have the luxury of choice.

You can also go to the independent school association websites. They have a list of questions you can ask the school and yourself about the right fit.

[Anonymous]

would it be crazy to apply to the big 3, get into one of them and then NOT choose to go there? the pp brings up an interesting point - maybe the admissions staff really do have a good idea of which kid would excel in their programs. so what if you get that warm fuzzy gut feeling at the progressive school down the street but really your kid would do fabulous at one of the big 3? all just hypothetical questions of course but the pp made me think....

[Anonymous]

If you go to one of the big 3, then want to switch to progressive later, it should be easier than going the other way. Honestly, if I were independently wealthy, I would go with progressive, mostly b/c I like those kids' personalities.

[Anonymous]

21:47pp - you would go progressive if you were independently wealthy over the big 3 or if you were independently wealthy you would pay for a progressive school?

And what is the Big 3?