Kindergarten teacher's discipline

[mswolfe]

My 5 year old's kindergarten teacher sent me a message today, saying my DS was off task during circle time. She said he "kept acting silly". While I know this can be frustrating for a teacher, but can we remember that her students are 5, it was the afternoon on a day they could not have recess due to the cold. What the teacher did in response to my DS's silliness has be upset and not sure how to address the teacher, and I don't want to over react. Since he was being silly and told to pay attention for a second time, she singled out my DS and shamed him by telling him he isn't a big boy who is ready to be in kindergarten, so she took him and left him in the pre-k classroom for a period of time. I feel that this not only shames my son, !75 humiliates him in front of his peers. My DS was upset when he came home because he had to go back to pre school, and 2 classmates said he wasn't as big as they were. I'm not sure how to tell my DS's teacher that I don't want her using those discipline methods with my son. And am I over reacting to this incident?
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[Anonymous]

I don't think anything was wrong up until she put him in with the preschoolers. Not only does that do nothing but deflate his self esteem, but it just means she dealt with a disruption by creating a disruption in the preschool classroom. I would have sent him to the office if he was that much of a disturbance.

[Anonymous]

It's actually a tactic in our kid's school (DCPS, a JKLM school if that matters) to be sent to another classroom when you aren't behaving. But not a younger classroom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think anything was wrong up until she put him in with the preschoolers. Not only does that do nothing but deflate his self esteem, but it just means she dealt with a disruption by creating a disruption in the preschool classroom. I would have sent him to the office if he was that much of a disturbance.

That said, and I should add, this doesn't negate his behavior. He HAS to learn how to properly behave in school. I'm sure he wasn't corrected just once to get sent away, and to warrant an email. I only send out corospondence if there is a true issue. The girl who giggles with friends once or twice and then stops once corrected doesn't warrant me wasting time to send an email to the parents. It IS annoying to have to keep correcting a K student when you are trying to teach 20 or so others. But that's what a break in the office is for.

[Anonymous]

Don't agree with the discipline and I would discuss with the teacher or the counselor. But, and this is a big but, I doubt it was twice and you may find that your child has frequent problems and this was the straw that broke the camels back - which is why it is a good or idea to talk to the teacher or counselor.

[Anonymous]

Yes, you are overreacting.

Address your son's silliness. He will not be permanently damaged from going to sit with the babies. He may even remember the next time he wants to be silly that he got sent back to pre-k.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you are overreacting.

Address your son's silliness. He will not be permanently damaged from going to sit with the babies. He may even remember the next time he wants to be silly that he got sent back to pre-k.

This is so true! We don't have preschool at our school, but we have a principal that the kids love and don't like to disappoint. Nobody wants to be sent to the office. The walk of shame!

I agree with a PP that you may be surprised to hear what the teacher has to say about your child. I doubt it was the first time also, and she had probably just had enough of his interruptions.

If you could be a fly on the wall of a kindergarten classroom you'd have such empathy for these teachers and what they deal with teaching children how to "do" school, all while teaching them required standards! It's a tough year.

[Anonymous]

I don't agree with that type of discipline either, but I also could not spend my day in a classroom with a group of 5 year olds, so it's easy for me to say. I think it's important not to micromanage the teacher and save any interventions for bigger issues. (And this is not the only time you will have to deal with this... some teachers are better at positive discipline than others.)

Ask your son how he could have managed the situation differently and see if he can learn from that. (Many good life lessons come from situations that kind of suck. School is nothing if not reinforcement of that!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you are overreacting.

Address your son's silliness. He will not be permanently damaged from going to sit with the babies. He may even remember the next time he wants to be silly that he got sent back to pre-k.

PS - I have a son in K. In all situations, I don't address other's actions. I address the only person he can control (himself).

If something egregious happens, yes, I will address it with the teacher/parents/principal. What you are describing (IMO) does not rise to that level.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like the teacher doesn't have very good behavior management skills and needs some help. Also that she should make her circle times more active to address young childrens' need for movement. I would contact the principal.

--early / elementary teacher, administrator, & teacher-educator

[Anonymous]

I agree with PP that a better teacher would have handled the classroom better.

Kindergarten is really hard for a lot of kids and for parents. I think it's needlessly too hard. Give your DC lots of hugs, and remember that the break is almost here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like the teacher doesn't have very good behavior management skills and needs some help. Also that she should make her circle times more active to address young childrens' need for movement. I would contact the principal.

--early / elementary teacher, administrator, & teacher-educator

This is asinine. Spend more time visiting some K classrooms and support your teachers! This teacher sounds overwhelmed by children of helicopter, "precious snowflake" parents like OP. What are your suggestions to teachers? Keep dealing with bad behavior at the expense of the other children? Absolutely not! That would be a disservice to the other children!

[Anonymous]

If your son doesn't usually act up then that was out of line. In any case, shaming him in front of other kids and turning it into a personal rather than behavioral issue was also unproductive.

At my dd's school they take kids to other grades to help with behavior but it is attempted as a positive re-focus rather than a shaming activity. They are integrated into the classroom and the teachers have strategies for it so that they know what to do when it happens even if they don't have a lot of notice for a particular instance.

And yes, little kids need to move and make noise, especially when they haven't had recess. The teacher sounds like at least in this case she let her own fatigue or frustration get in the way.

[Anonymous]

My son was acting up in K and with the teacher we developed a positive behavior chart and it really helped.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you are overreacting.

Address your son's silliness. He will not be permanently damaged from going to sit with the babies. He may even remember the next time he wants to be silly that he got sent back to pre-k.

PS - I have a son in K. In all situations, I don't address other's actions. I address the only person he can control (himself).

If something egregious happens, yes, I will address it with the teacher/parents/principal. What you are describing (IMO) does not rise to that level.

I agree. Control what you can control - your kid. Shaming a kid is not going to destroy their self esteem. A little shaming at the right time and done in the right way can help a child a learn the right behaviors. It's not unreasonable to make the argument that if you can't control yourself, you should spend time with a peer group who is at your same level.