Sneaky 6 yo? Do I need to baby-proof again?

[Anonymous]

This is new--Seems like every time I turn by back, 6 yo DD is into something. In my jewelry box. Feeding the birds without permission. Taking the change jar into her room to empty into her play purse or the fancy (off limits) ceramic box from my dresser. Going into the refrigerator to get herself something. Into the linen closet to get all the dixie cups to build a pyramid. Turning on Hannah Montana (which she is not allowed to watch) when I'm not looking.

The last, most serious straw was her letting herself out of the house, (I was in the bathroom) to go play on her scooter. She always has a long explanation about why she did what she did. I just send her to time out. Seems she's always in time out.

Do I need to lock everything up? Keep her in sight at all times? Is there a felony in her future??? I thought it was supposed to get easier when they get older? Don't want to squash her budding independance, but she needs to learn to ask first. Any suggestions?

[Anonymous]

In the same boat here. Hoping for good suggestions.

[Anonymous]

Mom of three kids here, two of which have already made it past age 6. Some of the things that you mention seem so bad to me. My kids would feed the birds, go into the refrigerator and get the dixie cups out of the closet and I probably wouldn't care. But, regardless of the difference between your boundaries and mine, it sounds to me like your daughter is reaching a new level of independence and she shouldn't really have to ask about everything. But, she does not yet understand your boundaries and at six, to state the obvious, she isn't at the point where her judgment is on target yet either. With the exception of her going into the ceramic box which you say she knew was off limits, sounds to me like this is a teaching issue, not a punishment issue. If you can adjust your focus, it will probably make this time easier for you.

Another thing that I find helpful is hard and fast rules regarding things you can make rules about. For us, there is no TV ever without permission of a parent and until after dark. You can go outside in the yard without telling me, but you can't leave the yard. If you're hungry, you can get yourself a snack, but Oreos are off limits unless you get permission.

One last thing I will mention is that at age 6 or even at age 10, I'd never ask them why they think something was ok to do. They always have a reason and their logic and judgment isn't developed enough for it to make sense. Just tell your daughter that she cannot leave the house without your permission because as the mom, it's your job to know where she is all the time so you can be sure she is safe. Or that she cannot take the change jar because it doesn't belong to her and taking it is like stealing, which is wrong. If she does these things again, you have to consider whether it was excusable for her to forget, which depends on attitude (defiance versus embarrassment about forgetting).

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Thanks so much. Lots of good advice!

[Anonymous]

13:35 I agree with everything in your post, great feedback, but do take exception with the idea of never asking a child why they think something was okay to do up to age 10. I think it depends on the child. My one and only has always been response to discussions, increasingly with age. I can't remember a time we did not discuss the underpinnings of a transgression! I felt I was teaching my son how to think through his decisions. Obviously the discussions become more nuanced over time. He's almost 13 now, Lord help me.