Are any of you here late bloomers like myself?

[Anonymous]

I'm a 30 year old female and I'm somewhat embarrassed to admit that I've never been in a serious relationship. I've been told that i'm attractive, but a bit socially awkward and quiet. I have been on dates via online dating, but nothing panned out.

[Anonymous]

Sorry hit submit too soon! Anyway, while I would like a LTR, I'm not finding many guys that are comfortable with me not having relationship experience. I'm not a virgin, so sex isn't an issue. I just don't understand how a relationship works and I'm having a lot of unrealistic expectations of what things are supposed to happen and it's leading to disappointment. I've always lagged in the social department as I didn't really make friends until I was in my 20s. What advice do you all have for me?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry hit submit too soon! Anyway, while I would like a LTR, I'm not finding many guys that are comfortable with me not having relationship experience. I'm not a virgin, so sex isn't an issue. I just don't understand how a relationship works and I'm having a lot of unrealistic expectations of what things are supposed to happen and it's leading to disappointment. I've always lagged in the social department as I didn't really make friends until I was in my 20s. What advice do you all have for me?

What do you enjoy doing, what are your hobbies? Can you join groups with similar interests? I know you have some social challenges but do you go out at all to do anything fun? If not make the effort to go out at least once a month. I'm not sure if you are into dressing up and looking nice if not consider upgrading that wardrobe if you need to. YouTube is a good resource to help with fashion and beauty. You and your friends can meet-up once in a while for happy hour at a bar. What about attending networking events at your job? Or join professional organizations and attend their conferences? Are you member of any church you can join their singles church clubs. The only way to meet someone is to put yourself out there for the single gentlemen to find you. It's important that you have fun when you go out and not just going out only to look for a man.
Btw we all advance in life at different levels there's nothing to be embarrassed about, do what works for just make sure your enjoy yourself and have fun during your search for Mr. Right.

[Anonymous]

What are your unrealistic expectations?

[Anonymous]

I am but it has more to do with being an introvert than social skills. I'm quite shy and reserved but can be funny and charming if I feel like it. But I usually don't since I'm so drained from working. I just want to go home, relax, and be alone. Dating is just too exhausting to even think about. And it's hard to put something new in my routine. And I guess I'm also lazy.

My perfect match would be someone I could date once a month (or every few months!). I'm totally okay with my choices and accept the fact that unless I decide to become more social, I'll end up alone. Which I'm sort of fine with. Eternal peace and quiet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are your unrealistic expectations?

OP here, I feel like some guys can't meet my emotional needs and when I'm in a relationship I like to be completely open with my partner. I was upset that the last guy I dated didn't want to listen to console me when I was grieving through the lost of a close loved one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry hit submit too soon! Anyway, while I would like a LTR, I'm not finding many guys that are comfortable with me not having relationship experience. I'm not a virgin, so sex isn't an issue. I just don't understand how a relationship works and I'm having a lot of unrealistic expectations of what things are supposed to happen and it's leading to disappointment. I've always lagged in the social department as I didn't really make friends until I was in my 20s. What advice do you all have for me?

What do you enjoy doing, what are your hobbies? Can you join groups with similar interests? I know you have some social challenges but do you go out at all to do anything fun? If not make the effort to go out at least once a month. I'm not sure if you are into dressing up and looking nice if not consider upgrading that wardrobe if you need to. YouTube is a good resource to help with fashion and beauty. You and your friends can meet-up once in a while for happy hour at a bar. What about attending networking events at your job? Or join professional organizations and attend their conferences? Are you member of any church you can join their singles church clubs. The only way to meet someone is to put yourself out there for the single gentlemen to find you. It's important that you have fun when you go out and not just going out only to look for a man.
Btw we all advance in life at different levels there's nothing to be embarrassed about, do what works for just make sure your enjoy yourself and have fun during your search for Mr. Right.

I'm a huge lover of sports and I go to sports bars every so often. I don't have trouble meeting guys there, but they normally don't have any interest in dating me. Which is the same for most guys that I meet in general. Guys love to befriend me, not girlfriend me. Anyway, I also attend networking events, meetups, etc. My female friends say that guys should love me due to my interests, but my experience has proven me wrong.

[Anonymous]

Take advice of rust old hags of dcum. All of it that you can get. Then dont follow a word of it. DCUM relationship threads tell you what NOT to do.

[Anonymous]

Yes. Very late bloomer here. A decade older than you. I went on one date before I was old enough to drive. I am not positive I will ever bloom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My perfect match would be someone I could date once a month (or every few months!). I'm totally okay with my choices and accept the fact that unless I decide to become more social, I'll end up alone. Which I'm sort of fine with. Eternal peace and quiet.

That's different from being a late bloomer. That's wanting solitude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My perfect match would be someone I could date once a month (or every few months!). I'm totally okay with my choices and accept the fact that unless I decide to become more social, I'll end up alone. Which I'm sort of fine with. Eternal peace and quiet.

That's different from being a late bloomer. That's wanting solitude.

+1

If you don't want to date, don't. It's a waste of everyone's time if you're not really interested in a relationship when you say you're looking for a LTR. When you want to date, I expect you'll meet someone.

But your expectation that a boyfriend console you through deep personal grief - how long were you together? That is not a casual-BF/GF responsibility, and you say you've never had a serious relationship, maybe you're asking too much too soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are your unrealistic expectations?

OP here, I feel like some guys can't meet my emotional needs and when I'm in a relationship I like to be completely open with my partner. I was upset that the last guy I dated didn't want to listen to console me when I was grieving through the lost of a close loved one.

Ah, you have good judgement. This is not an unrealistic expectation. It's good to be picky on matters of emotions.
My DH was my first boyfriend, I was 26 when we started dating. I didn't have any problems being a late bloomer.

Date widely and with varied men, but hold out for someone who is emotionally mature, fun to be with, and treats you well.
Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My perfect match would be someone I could date once a month (or every few months!). I'm totally okay with my choices and accept the fact that unless I decide to become more social, I'll end up alone. Which I'm sort of fine with. Eternal peace and quiet.

That's different from being a late bloomer. That's wanting solitude.

+1

If you don't want to date, don't. It's a waste of everyone's time if you're not really interested in a relationship when you say you're looking for a LTR. When you want to date, I expect you'll meet someone.

But your expectation that a boyfriend console you through deep personal grief - how long were you together? That is not a casual-BF/GF 9responsibility, and you say you've never had a serious relationship, maybe you're asking too much too soon.

OP again, I did not write that response in reference to not wanting to date. Of course I want to! So my ex and I were together for about 6 months before I experienced the loss of my relative. He knew that it was to expected as I had to visit my relative a month before due to this. As for someone in their 30s, I don't think that's much to ask. I went through a lot a couple of years ago and I only had a fwb, he supported me no questions asked and he didn't have to.

[Anonymous]

After 6 months, it should be a serious relationship. Why do you feel that it wasn't? Just missing the emotional support or something else?

[Anonymous]

Like me, OP. Like me.