DD unhappy college sophomore, scared to transfer

[Anonymous]

My DD is a college sophomore. She is unhappy at her current school (school 1). She has applied to transfer to another school (school 2) - the one that was her first choice all along. She ended up at school 1 due to being a recruited athlete. Athletics are NOT going well at school 1, but if she stays she will stay on the team purely to be with her teammates. She is dreading the upcoming season.

She has applied and received acceptance to school 2. This would be for Spring 2017. There are so many more wonderful things about the new school. It just has more of what she needs - class options, clubs, networking for graduate school. Both schools are good schools. School 1 is ranked higher, but everything else about the school is making my DD unhappy.

So she gets to choose where to go. She has changed her mind 50 times. She knows that school 2 is a much better fit. But she is scared to start over, not knowing a soul. She is simply scared and it is easier to stay in her comfortable, unhappy school 1.

We have been very supportive and open to whatever she wants. But now she is just waffling. I know my DD. She has said that she will likely regret it if she does not transfer, and I agree. But she is scared to take the plunge. Should we as her parents push her or insist on school 2?

Thank you for ANY advice here!

[Anonymous]

If she is already a college sophomore, then I think she has given school 1 enough of a chance to work out. It didn't. It's time to move on to school 2. College students transfer all the time. Tell her that if she wants to transfer and the only thing that is stopping her is fear, then she should transfer despite the fear.

[Anonymous]

In the end it has to be her choice. However as her parent you do have insights about her and if she is talking to you about this, my guess is that she needs you to be a sounding board however long that may take.
Waffling is okay because it may be her way of weighing the pro's and cons and it is a huge decision to her. What I would do is reassure her that she did make friends at school 1 so there is no reason to assume otherwise for school 2. Her life will be a series of either learning to adapt to what she has or getting comfortable with starting over. She may be continuing a process of mourning her first choice school so I wouldn't make any assumptions about which one she would be happier at. It is also very hard on athletes when sports at their colleges don't work out the way they dreamed. That may be coloring her entire experience at school 1 as my guess is that she has had limited time to assess what is out there on campus. School 2 could be her way of dropping a sport she has always done and the only life she knows without having to make that conscious decision. There's a lot of may be...I wouldn't push her. Let her mull this over a gazillion times. What happens when the deadline is upon her will be enough push.

[Anonymous]

I was in a very similar situation as a college sophomore. The only difference was my parents absolutely left me no choice. In my case, School #1 had such a better reputation than School #2 that my father believed it would be detrimental to my future career prospects. Hence, he demanded I stay at School #1. Long story short, it sucked in the short term but by the end of sophomore year, things really started moving in a positive direction. By the time I graduated, I was grateful that I had stuck with School #1.

This isn't to say that your DD should stay, OP. It's just to let you know that her "fear" may in fact be something else. She may know deep down that she has to change something within herself and that it's not just the school's fault or the sport's fault. If she moves to School 2 and it sucks for her too, that's a huge problem that she may be anticipating.

[Anonymous]

She should drop the sport and see if she likes school 1 without the sport. Maybe do club. when does she have to make the decision?

[Anonymous]

I changed mid-sophomore year and it was fine. The hard part was leaving my friends and getting my credits transferred then trying to make all new friends but I was so much happier at the new school. Tell her she can always return in the fall if she doesn't like the new school but she's be fine and do great.

[Anonymous]

She should go and just make new friends. Do you really have enough money for her to waste it on a poor fit and an unhappy life.

[Anonymous]

The tuition will be due for school #1 and 2 pretty soon. Let her know the deadline and wait.

[Anonymous]

Will she play the sport at School #2? That's an obvious way to make friends.

I say go to School #2. Take the risk.

[Anonymous]

Remind her of the deadlines and then tell her that you will only pay for the school where she will be happy and you absolutely will not pay for her to be at a school where she will be unhappy. At some point she needs to fish or cut bait. If she thinks things will turn around for school 1, then stay. If she thinks she will be happier at school 2, then change. But she needs to decide soon.

Or maybe rock, paper, scissors.

[Anonymous]

My daughter took a leap of faith and transferred after a shaky freshman year and we both agree it's probably the best decision she's ever made. Sometimes kids just know.