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Going for second (and final) job interview...do I still not say anything?
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Anonymous
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I'm expecting #2 and going for a second job interview this week at 19 wks. The first one was a couple of weeks ago and though I was certainly showing then - I don't know if they noticed or not based on what I was wearing, but I think very possibly not. But given that I seem to be growing by the second, I think it will definitely be noticeable this week. I'm still going to wear a "regular" business dress that has some give to it, but I'm pushing it and tried it on this morning and the belly is for sure out there.
This interview is to meet the team of folks I'd be working with. Do I still not say anything? I know that some say don't say anything until you get an offer but I guess I'm just struggling with going into a final interview and ignoring the obvious. And if I don't say anything now and get an offer - what is the proper way to approach it at that point? Thanks! |
Anonymous
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Ok, here's my take having just gone through a very, very similar situation - I'd wear something that as much as possible hides it. Then go on the final interview and see how you feel about the place overall. Are they family friendly? Will they be supportive? Based on your answers to those questions, I'd wait and see if you get an offer, then depending on how you feel, tell them at that point before accepting or declining. I guess I'm not totally sure of your situation, either - in my case, I wanted the job I ended up taking and have now, but I also had the luxury of knowing that if it didn't work out, that was ok. I could just quit my previous job and not work for awhile or I could stick previous job out and then look for a new one while on maternity leave...
Good luck. I know it can be stressful going through the search/interview process while pregnant! |
Anonymous
| I wouldn't say anything until you have an offer in hand. Even though you have no obligation, I think you should mention it before accepting - it might make for an awkward first month of work convo "hi boss, I'm actually 6 months preggo" and honestly if they react badly do you want to work there? I would wait for the offer though... |
Anonymous
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I would also wait for an actual offer before you bring it up.
I am trying to find work right now with two young children and feel like in one case I may have been discriminated against for having a young family (and applying for jobs that require long hours). It's my own fault - I brought it up - but in an honest response to a question they asked. I think I've learned my lesson not to provide that information - less is more. I do believe ethically you should inform them of your situation after you have the offer but before you accept the job if you intend to take it because it is a personnel issue and you don't want to create an atmosphere of deception in your first weeks on the job. |
Anonymous
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I would definitely wait, for a few reasons. First, you could put them in an awkward situation, because they may not be sure how to react or what to say. Since they can't legally consider it, they may not want to discuss it, for fear of accidentally saying the wrong thing. Second, by bringing it up, it may give the impression that you're more concerned about the pending baby than the job. Now, of course almost everyone is concerned with work/life balance, regardless of what your family life is. And employers know that. But in general, I usually try to get a sense of that without asking direct questions until after the offer. And lastly, I wouldn't trust anyone to make a decision completely regardless of the pregnancy, even if the pregnancy seems obvious, so I'd wait for the offer.
FWIW, I'm also interviewing. Not showing yet, and I've only done one interview, but if I get a second or third interview, I'm not saying a word. |
Anonymous
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I disagree with the other posters and I would say something. I would feel dishonest to go through the interview process and then come back once I got the offer and say "oh, by the way, I am pregnant and will want to take off 6 months" (this was something that actually happened in my office and I know it left a bad taste in everyone's mouth and had the hiring manager known she still would have hired that person, so she really just shot herself in the foot).
Honestly, I also feel it is a barometer of how the company operates. I think it also buys you good will being honest in the first place. |
Anonymous
OP here. I totally get why most say wait until the offer - and I probably will do that because of the advice I've received - but honestly, the way this poster explains it is my personality tendency as well. It feels so deceptive to not say anything during the interview process that WILL have an significant impact on the position in the first year. (I wouldn't take six months but I would take three.) So by waiting until the offer, I guess it would, as the person above says, literally at that point be a "oh, and by the way..." conversation? And what do I expect the HR person to say at that point? I'm guessing they couldn't rescind the offer at that point so aren't they kind of backed into a corner and forced to accept it? I know it's not legal for them to hire or not hire me based on this, but I guess I also want to be hired with them knowing fully what they are getting into and not because I didn't discuss some major piece of info. during the process. Perhaps in a way it will be a good thing that it should be obvious this time that I am indeed pregnant - though in a way that makes me feel just as bad or worse about not saying anything about the "elephant in the room", so to speak. Yikes - this is not a comfortable situation to be in! Thanks everyone for your input. |
Anonymous
| I would not say anything b/c you might lose the opportunity to get a job offer if you do that, then again: why interview when you are pregnant? I would not even interview while pregnant, I really don't think that is fair to any employer... |
Anonymous
taken to the next level .... why interview when you are thinking of possibly getting pregnant? well - because we all have lives and careers and taking 3 months off in the whole scheme of things for the right fit [company nad person] is worth it |
Anonymous
| I don't think they can legally rescind the offer, but you wouldn't be covered under FMLA so they could very legally let you go based on that (I guess by the end of pregnancy?). Tricky situation. I actually found out I was pregnant a few hours after accepting the offer for my most recent employer. Even though I honestly didn't know I was pregnant when I interviewed the prior week (we were TTCing so it was a possibility but I hadn't tested yet), it did feel a little weird and somewhat deceptive when I finally told my manager. I hope not to be in that situation again. Good luck to you OP. Let us know how you decide to proceed. |
Anonymous
OP here. Thank you. I've been doing some online research on this and opinions seem to be mixed...some say be honest (actually, I noticed those were mostly men) and some say wait until an offer, but say something before you accept. I did read about this in a career advice column in the NY Times and the HR "expert" they quoted there said that if you are showing (which I pretty much am) that you should go ahead and address it in the second interview. Mention it at the end and be prepared to show let them know that you only plan on taking X time off and you've got childcare covered. Bottom line...I'm still torn and the interview is tomorrow - but will likely wait until I get the offer as most people seem to suggest. I just hope it does not create resent if things play out that way. Thanks again! |
Anonymous
| OP, did you get the offer? Keep us posted. |