Does he have to clean his room?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As long as there is no food in there AND he’s contributing to the upkeep of the house (taking out trash, keeping kitchen, bathrooms and common areas clean), let the room go. Enjoy this time with him.

A week before he leaves, clearly explain the expectations for how the room will look, ie vacuumed, sheets washed, all clothes put away, etc.

-mom of a rising college junior

+1

As long as he's not attracting pests and he's pitching in with the common areas and tasks, I'd let it slide and just keep the door closed. He needs to clean it up before he leaves.

[Anonymous]

No. As long as there is no food or no smell, don't fight about this during what may be his last long stretch at home. Just keep the door shut so you don't see it. In my experience, they eventually get sick of the mess and clean it themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol to the idea that telling an adult family member that you want to dust/vacuum the room he lives in at least, say, once a month is “nagging”.

He’s an adult. OP is an adult. This is a shared home. Absolutely nothing wrong with asking him to clean up his room well enough for some light cleaning (which he should do himself but I personally would compromise on that). If his response is to ignore or complain, good time to remind him that he’s 20 and that future roommates, friends, and spouses will be extremely turned off by that kind of behavior.

Nagging? Grow up.

There is not one family psychologist that recommends micromanaging your child’s room.

OP is not talking about a common area which is different. But a bedroom…. Really!

Seriously you guys need some therapy if you need to control your 20 year old child’s bedroom.

It's not controlling to say it needs to be vacuumed and dusted at least a couple times over the course of the summer. It's not "micromanaging" to expect a fellow adult to show some minimal level of responsibility for their space. I think it's gross to let a room go three months without being dusted or vacuumed, especially if it spends that time covered in dirty clothes and sports equipment (which -- is that getting cleaned before being thrown on the floor? that room is going to stink). That's asking for a baseline level of personal responsibility while sharing a home with someone else.

I'll put it this way. I'm in my 40s, and if my parents come to stay for an extended period, I expect to be able to run the vacuum and wipe down surfaces in their room. It's not nagging for me to say "Hey mom, I was going to vacuum and dust your room today, just FYI" and then expect her to put things away and make space for that activity as necessary. She would think nothing of this. So why is it any different with OP and her son? The people saying no, just close the door and don't mention it are treating this kid in some special way that no other adult gets treated.

Just google it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He has a responsibility to his community, which is the people in your household, to meet their common expectations. I think you need to have a family meeting with all the members of your community, meaning your household, to discuss the most basic expectations you have for each other.

A lot of times when I suggest a family meeting to parents of kids I work with, the parents are scared that the expectation list or ground rules will be minimal. I think you (and your college son) will be surprised about what the other kids in your family have to say about their minimum expectations for their brother.

You sound like you either don't have college students or have never had a problem. He could be SO much worse. The same could be said for messy college girls that are doing all of the things in life that have a long-lasting impact.. Such as go to school, have a summer job, and an internship. Further, wherever he went, he probably was not drunk or doing drugs because he sat and talked with his mom for 2 hours. Unless a lot is left out he seems like a good kid who is messy. Is that worth laying the law down? not to me but I guess have a cleanroom is of much higher importance to the parents. I focus on things that can not be easily fixed.

Perhaps you should consider that we have never had a problem because we have regular family meetings to discuss the minutiae as well as major events. We have 5 kids who are in college or recently graduated btw.

Translation: I micromanage the sh*t out of my kids.

Family meetings FFS.

Where do your kids go to school, dear? Are they happy? Mine are all at Top 20, loving life and at the top of their game. Let me know if you want more advice. I've got it.

In fact here is one tidbit now: never bet against someone who holds a winning hand.

NP: Are you drunk? This is really one of the most bizarre DCUM posts I've ever seen.

[Anonymous]

Who cares OP?
As long as his room doesn't smell,.and he cleans it up when he leaves himself, it's all good.