S/O. What’s the worst thing you do as a parent?

[Anonymous]

Mine are ADHD/neurodivergence/anxiety-related (mine, not my kid's-- I think she is neurotypical).

Being irritable and reactive and being obsessive/nagging my kid too much. Work on this all the time, and hate it, but it's a challenge.

Being distracted and antsy.

And this one is a big one, but less my issue than a combined issue for me and DH, who also has ADHD...

Sleep.

We both have time blindness, which I have worked on and which doesn't impact him TREMENDOUSLY anymore, except for at bedtime. I swear it takes an hour+ from the time the kid gets upstairs to in bed. And all she has to do is wipe down her body, brush teeth, put on PJs and one or two other little things. 10-15 minutes if she concentrated but didn't rush. But no-- it takes forever. And we are both there the entire time.

It makes me crazy, and if I leave it to DH, he is allowing one more thing and one more thing and ooh, look, shiny, and he's picking up his guitar (!!!) at 10:27 pm. Kid probably does need less sleep than average but also gets significantly less sleep than she needs 3-4 days/week. It's a struggle because he doesn't want to bark at her as I'm sometimes prone to (fair!) but also doesn't start earlier and doesn't enforce boundaries most of the time. Kid isn't even being manipulative, just the normal, ooh, I forgot to do this thing, I just need to finish x, let's get into this conversation, etc etc.

We obviously need to come together, but it's less that we are actually working at cross purposes and more that we are both tired and out ADHD tendencies are out in full force. We absolutely need to fix this though, because kid has night terrors and such probably related to going to bed too late.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m too strict sometimes.

I spend too much time on my phone.

+1

[Anonymous]

I really don't know how to talk with my kids about their feelings. The internet is all, teach them to name their emotions! My kid isn't having any of that. She gets so uncomfortable and clams up if I try to ask about why she's upset. She really just wants alone time in her room + a long cuddle on the sofa in silence, and then she's fine. But I feel like I'm failing if I don't try to get her to talk about everything.

[Anonymous]

Phone for me too. I think our childrens' generation will judge us harshly for the constant phone distraction and will do a complete 180 with their own children. Like what happened with spanking and corporal punishment. But as we all know, phones and apps are designed to be addictive and it's hard to put them down.

I also have ADHD and anxiety and I let it hold me back, which is a bad example to set for my daughter. Our house is messy, my career isn't what it could be, and I forget to do important things occasionally. I want her to be motivated and hard working, but how can I expect that if I can't even model it with my own behavior?

[Anonymous]

I'm on my phone too much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Phone for me too. I think our childrens' generation will judge us harshly for the constant phone distraction and will do a complete 180 with their own children. Like what happened with spanking and corporal punishment. But as we all know, phones and apps are designed to be addictive and it's hard to put them down.

I also have ADHD and anxiety and I let it hold me back, which is a bad example to set for my daughter. Our house is messy, my career isn't what it could be, and I forget to do important things occasionally. I want her to be motivated and hard working, but how can I expect that if I can't even model it with my own behavior?

If you come up with an answer let me know. My ADHD spouse is constantly arguing with (and eventually screaming at) our DS because his room is a mess, he loses track of things, leaves things out, forgets to complete tasks he’s been assigned, and on and on. Meanwhile we live in a constant state of chaos, house is a garbage dump, and spouse loses track of everything, every day. I just want to scream “look in the mirror!!”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really don't know how to talk with my kids about their feelings. The internet is all, teach them to name their emotions! My kid isn't having any of that. She gets so uncomfortable and clams up if I try to ask about why she's upset. She really just wants alone time in her room + a long cuddle on the sofa in silence, and then she's fine. But I feel like I'm failing if I don't try to get her to talk about everything.

I have twin girls and one is like your daughter and the other is a talker. My husband is like your daughter as well and you know what? It's ok. The internet likes to tell you what to do without explaining what kind of kid it actually works for. If your daughter is able to spend time on her own and calm down and then cuddle with you in silence, I'd take it in a heartbeat!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really don't know how to talk with my kids about their feelings. The internet is all, teach them to name their emotions! My kid isn't having any of that. She gets so uncomfortable and clams up if I try to ask about why she's upset. She really just wants alone time in her room + a long cuddle on the sofa in silence, and then she's fine. But I feel like I'm failing if I don't try to get her to talk about everything.

I have twin girls and one is like your daughter and the other is a talker. My husband is like your daughter as well and you know what? It's ok. The internet likes to tell you what to do without explaining what kind of kid it actually works for. If your daughter is able to spend time on her own and calm down and then cuddle with you in silence, I'd take it in a heartbeat!

Aww, pp here. Thank you, kind internet stranger!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really don't know how to talk with my kids about their feelings. The internet is all, teach them to name their emotions! My kid isn't having any of that. She gets so uncomfortable and clams up if I try to ask about why she's upset. She really just wants alone time in her room + a long cuddle on the sofa in silence, and then she's fine. But I feel like I'm failing if I don't try to get her to talk about everything.

I have twin girls and one is like your daughter and the other is a talker. My husband is like your daughter as well and you know what? It's ok. The internet likes to tell you what to do without explaining what kind of kid it actually works for. If your daughter is able to spend time on her own and calm down and then cuddle with you in silence, I'd take it in a heartbeat!

Aww, pp here. Thank you, kind internet stranger!

You're welcome! I'm glad it helped. I find it easier to parent the twin who is more like me (no shocker there) and harder to parent the other one, so I try really hard at meeting her where she's at as opposed to trying to make her be something she's not. It's helpful that she's like my husband so he can help explain to me how she feels even when she's not as good at doing so.

The fact that your daughter wants to cuddle with you is a strong sign that you are doing a lot right, so good for you!

[Anonymous]

Too much time on my phone.

[Anonymous]

I lie to my kids and tell them I have a headache and ask them to play quietly. I’m just really not into all the noise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Phone for me too. I think our childrens' generation will judge us harshly for the constant phone distraction and will do a complete 180 with their own children. Like what happened with spanking and corporal punishment. But as we all know, phones and apps are designed to be addictive and it's hard to put them down.

I also have ADHD and anxiety and I let it hold me back, which is a bad example to set for my daughter. Our house is messy, my career isn't what it could be, and I forget to do important things occasionally. I want her to be motivated and hard working, but how can I expect that if I can't even model it with my own behavior?

If you come up with an answer let me know. My ADHD spouse is constantly arguing with (and eventually screaming at) our DS because his room is a mess, he loses track of things, leaves things out, forgets to complete tasks he’s been assigned, and on and on. Meanwhile we live in a constant state of chaos, house is a garbage dump, and spouse loses track of everything, every day. I just want to scream “look in the mirror!!”

PP here. Oh man, that's not good. I have no perfect answers, but in terms of messes and losing things, you just can't argue about it. Lower your standards in terms of tidiness, make it a team effort (I like to say, "when you lose something, you can usually find it by cleaning up so let's all clean up together for 10 minutes and see if we find it."), and don't be a damn hypocrite. I'm terrible at it too, so I empathize and don't yell. I'm sorry, that sounds like a hard dynamic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On my phone too much.

+1

[Anonymous]

Spoiling your children. You're just making the early educators like teachers, nannies, etc. to hate them

And bring scared of diciplining your kids at home and in public.
It's like saying to a young rapist judge, oh they are just boys, let's not hurt his career with this, he's a promising young man.

[Anonymous]

Overall laziness — which means I’m lax about food being super healthy, keeping the house clean and organized, and playing with her. I do enjoy conversations, but I rarely want to play with my child, which sucks for her, because she’s an only, so she has too much screen time.