Do people really let careers get in way of having kids (if they want kids)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have taught for 30 years at all levels -- Elementary, middle, high school. It is sad to say that it is very apparent who has a primary, readily available parent and who has parents (married or not) who work long long hours, whether it is by choice or by necessity. All teachers can see this. Working 70+ hours a week at one job, or 70+ hours at week at 3 jobs, it still 70 hours a week. It always "shows up" in the kids behavior or performance, rich or poor, in any grade level. *Someone* in the family has got to be the primary, *present, available* loving parent. I am not saying stay-at-home parent, not at all. If you are partnered and having children, you are lucky. Only one of you has to be away from the child you apparently want to have and to raise only 40 hours per week.

This. Although I think kids absolutely need a stay at home parent. Stability matters!

I can tell you I most certainly did NOT need a SAHM growing up. I would have respected my mother far more had she used her degree, and I would have appreciated more financial stability / their money for retirement.

[Anonymous]

Some people want kids the same way they did when they were 15/20yo. The desire is real, but not for the present moment.

Note that I’m only talking about feelings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have taught for 30 years at all levels -- Elementary, middle, high school. It is sad to say that it is very apparent who has a primary, readily available parent and who has parents (married or not) who work long long hours, whether it is by choice or by necessity. All teachers can see this. Working 70+ hours a week at one job, or 70+ hours at week at 3 jobs, it still 70 hours a week. It always "shows up" in the kids behavior or performance, rich or poor, in any grade level. *Someone* in the family has got to be the primary, *present, available* loving parent. I am not saying stay-at-home parent, not at all. If you are partnered and having children, you are lucky. Only one of you has to be away from the child you apparently want to have and to raise only 40 hours per week.

I am the PP teacher who wrote this. Sorry for all the typos. (And i am an English teacher, ugh.) I am just now seeing the responses. They are interesting.

I disagree with a poster that one parent *has* to stay home, though I think it is really beneficial for kids who get that luxury. My last line's gist is that with a 2-earner couple at least one parent should stick to 40 hours a week or less. (Unless the electric bill can't be paid, which is true for many, many of the students in 2 of the 3 of the schools I have taught in in Montgomery County. The 3rd school was quite wealthy with an extremely low/nonexistent FARMS rate. I do not know why so many couples had to work 70 hours a week in that school. One earner was absolutely enough to provide a very, very nice living. ) It so helps to have mom/parent present in the morning and present when the child gets home from school. Again, it shows up in behavior and grades and even in the ease/difficulty of the school getting hold of the parent.

Stability is the key. Knowledge that your parents WANT to be you. I admire folks who don't have kids due to the demands of the job or their love of their job and their desire to fully dedicate themselves. They are the ones being the most honest. I know many fellow teachers who do not have kids for this reason. My husband and I are both teachers and we stuck to one child. We work 7am-3pm and then work is brought home if necessary because we do not want to be away from our child more than that. We went to the trouble to have her; we are not "farming her out" for more than 40 hours week to a care-giver, as much as we love our nanny.

We chose careers that provide flexibility because we knew we wanted a family.

[Anonymous]

This is because corporate America despises women having kids. I was a rockstar with my previous job until I became pregnant. I was suddenly under the microscope. They went through the whole process to fire me. They literally logged my time in the pumping room and discovered that I apparently billed 9.3 hours of work in a day when it should have only been 9.1. I sued, but since they went through the process, I lost. Wonder how many other women in the five decided to stay after getting pregnant.

[Anonymous]

If you are billing 9+ hours a day when you being a mom? On the weekend? That is a hobby, it is not parenting.

Switch to career where you can stick to 40 hours a week.

I know teachers who became paraeducators and lawyers who became paralegals when they decided to become a parent. And an assistant principal who went back to the classroom. Kids need their parents.