Families with both parents working FT: what do you outsource and what falls through the cracks?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I left my corporate job two weeks ago and will start in a new firm and February. So I have a very rare nine week period where I’m off work. I’ve been interested to see what it’s like to have a stay at home mom. And honestly I just don’t see how great it is if I were home all the time. Is that awful? I thought I would get a lot done that is the boring organization stuff. And I have. For example, yesterday I spent the afternoon cleaning out my son’s toy cupboards and arranging everything and throwing out broken pieces. And that was very satisfying. And then the minute he came home he took everything out played with everything. And then put everything back and of course a totally different place. Laundry is another example. Laundry is always in crisis mode around here. Since I’ve been home it hasn’t been, which is nice. But if I’m being honest we wore clean clothes before and we wear clean clothes now. The only real difference is that now my husband doesn’t have to do it along side me when we’re watching tv. Which isn’t much of a motivator for me.

I guess my bottom line is that I’ve always been envious of other families who have someone at home full-time because it seems like things are much calmer. And in my case, yes generally speaking things are a little bit calmer? But it hasn’t made a huge dent like I thought it would. I would say I would be 90% more unhappy if I didn’t have a job but the house will only be like 20% calmer. I don’t know if that makes any sense.

I stay home and outsource everything the people on this thread outsource except childcare. I have 3 kids - 1 in preschool and 2 in elementary. My almost 3yo is in preschool 2x per week for 3 hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left my corporate job two weeks ago and will start in a new firm and February. So I have a very rare nine week period where I’m off work. I’ve been interested to see what it’s like to have a stay at home mom. And honestly I just don’t see how great it is if I were home all the time. Is that awful? I thought I would get a lot done that is the boring organization stuff. And I have. For example, yesterday I spent the afternoon cleaning out my son’s toy cupboards and arranging everything and throwing out broken pieces. And that was very satisfying. And then the minute he came home he took everything out played with everything. And then put everything back and of course a totally different place. Laundry is another example. Laundry is always in crisis mode around here. Since I’ve been home it hasn’t been, which is nice. But if I’m being honest we wore clean clothes before and we wear clean clothes now. The only real difference is that now my husband doesn’t have to do it along side me when we’re watching tv. Which isn’t much of a motivator for me.

I guess my bottom line is that I’ve always been envious of other families who have someone at home full-time because it seems like things are much calmer. And in my case, yes generally speaking things are a little bit calmer? But it hasn’t made a huge dent like I thought it would. I would say I would be 90% more unhappy if I didn’t have a job but the house will only be like 20% calmer. I don’t know if that makes any sense.

I stay home and outsource everything the people on this thread outsource except childcare. I have 3 kids - 1 in preschool and 2 in elementary. My almost 3yo is in preschool 2x per week for 3 hours.

Um, so you outsource childcare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left my corporate job two weeks ago and will start in a new firm and February. So I have a very rare nine week period where I’m off work. I’ve been interested to see what it’s like to have a stay at home mom. And honestly I just don’t see how great it is if I were home all the time. Is that awful? I thought I would get a lot done that is the boring organization stuff. And I have. For example, yesterday I spent the afternoon cleaning out my son’s toy cupboards and arranging everything and throwing out broken pieces. And that was very satisfying. And then the minute he came home he took everything out played with everything. And then put everything back and of course a totally different place. Laundry is another example. Laundry is always in crisis mode around here. Since I’ve been home it hasn’t been, which is nice. But if I’m being honest we wore clean clothes before and we wear clean clothes now. The only real difference is that now my husband doesn’t have to do it along side me when we’re watching tv. Which isn’t much of a motivator for me.

I guess my bottom line is that I’ve always been envious of other families who have someone at home full-time because it seems like things are much calmer. And in my case, yes generally speaking things are a little bit calmer? But it hasn’t made a huge dent like I thought it would. I would say I would be 90% more unhappy if I didn’t have a job but the house will only be like 20% calmer. I don’t know if that makes any sense.

I stay home and outsource everything the people on this thread outsource except childcare. I have 3 kids - 1 in preschool and 2 in elementary. My almost 3yo is in preschool 2x per week for 3 hours.

Um, so you outsource childcare.

No, she outsources education. Preschool isn't daycare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left my corporate job two weeks ago and will start in a new firm and February. So I have a very rare nine week period where I’m off work. I’ve been interested to see what it’s like to have a stay at home mom. And honestly I just don’t see how great it is if I were home all the time. Is that awful? I thought I would get a lot done that is the boring organization stuff. And I have. For example, yesterday I spent the afternoon cleaning out my son’s toy cupboards and arranging everything and throwing out broken pieces. And that was very satisfying. And then the minute he came home he took everything out played with everything. And then put everything back and of course a totally different place. Laundry is another example. Laundry is always in crisis mode around here. Since I’ve been home it hasn’t been, which is nice. But if I’m being honest we wore clean clothes before and we wear clean clothes now. The only real difference is that now my husband doesn’t have to do it along side me when we’re watching tv. Which isn’t much of a motivator for me.

I guess my bottom line is that I’ve always been envious of other families who have someone at home full-time because it seems like things are much calmer. And in my case, yes generally speaking things are a little bit calmer? But it hasn’t made a huge dent like I thought it would. I would say I would be 90% more unhappy if I didn’t have a job but the house will only be like 20% calmer. I don’t know if that makes any sense.

I stay home and outsource everything the people on this thread outsource except childcare. I have 3 kids - 1 in preschool and 2 in elementary. My almost 3yo is in preschool 2x per week for 3 hours.

Um, so you outsource childcare.

No, she outsources education. Preschool isn't daycare.

Oh believe me, we daycare moms know it. We never hear the end if it here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My free time falls through the cracks. I can't imagine the last time I watched TV.

We don't outsource anything other than childcare. We both work 8-4:30, work 7 and 15 minutes away. We eat dinner as a family with our toddlers every single night and we always cook. I do laundry on my telework day. House is pretty spotless and we've trained the kids to help clean. Even the 3 year old knows where her toys go.

This is pretty much me. Single mom. 1 toddler. Au pair. I work 7-3:00, so au pair is 6:30-3:30. Run home as fast as i can (well, drive) because I've missed my daughter all day. We shop together, cook together, eat together, you get the idea. We sort laundry together. My daughter is going to be one crackerjack independent woman one of these days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I left my corporate job two weeks ago and will start in a new firm and February. So I have a very rare nine week period where I’m off work. I’ve been interested to see what it’s like to have a stay at home mom. And honestly I just don’t see how great it is if I were home all the time. Is that awful? I thought I would get a lot done that is the boring organization stuff. And I have. For example, yesterday I spent the afternoon cleaning out my son’s toy cupboards and arranging everything and throwing out broken pieces. And that was very satisfying. And then the minute he came home he took everything out played with everything. And then put everything back and of course a totally different place. Laundry is another example. Laundry is always in crisis mode around here. Since I’ve been home it hasn’t been, which is nice. But if I’m being honest we wore clean clothes before and we wear clean clothes now. The only real difference is that now my husband doesn’t have to do it along side me when we’re watching tv. Which isn’t much of a motivator for me.

I guess my bottom line is that I’ve always been envious of other families who have someone at home full-time because it seems like things are much calmer. And in my case, yes generally speaking things are a little bit calmer? But it hasn’t made a huge dent like I thought it would. I would say I would be 90% more unhappy if I didn’t have a job but the house will only be like 20% calmer. I don’t know if that makes any sense.

I think the benefits of SAH with school age kids are that you can do grocery shopping and errands during the workday, exercise during the workday, and (for me this is the big one), do interesting volunteer work during the day. I find it nice (I'm on a temporary reprieve like you) to have more time to do personal things like reading, seeing friends, seeing the kids after school, and writing. But I don't think my house is any cleaner, and maybe it's messier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We outsource nothing. I WAH and also care for DD. It’s complicated as I have no set hours.

In general, I fall though the cracks. Laundry gets done, I cook every night. Our floor could generally use a mopping, but it needs it even 15 min after I’ve done it.

Being a martyr is a choice.

It’s not a choice if you’re one of those people who don’t have the money to outsource. Get out of your little bubble please

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We both work full time outside the home (spouse travels 50% of the time) and have a 3 year old and a 14 month old. We have a nanny for the youngest, preschool for oldest, a lawn service, and a cleaning service that comes every 3 weeks to deep clean. We do a surface clean daily and a light weekly clean (toilets, sweep and vacuum floors, dust) to maintain. We cook from scratch most of the time and do our own laundry, though it doesn't get folded in a timely fashion.

What falls through the cracks? Time to sleep longer than 5 hours at night, to exercise, to rest, to take care of ourselves (salon etc), to go on a date and reconnect...

Sorry but that sucks.

Signed,

another full time working mom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I left my corporate job two weeks ago and will start in a new firm and February. So I have a very rare nine week period where I’m off work. I’ve been interested to see what it’s like to have a stay at home mom. And honestly I just don’t see how great it is if I were home all the time. Is that awful? I thought I would get a lot done that is the boring organization stuff. And I have. For example, yesterday I spent the afternoon cleaning out my son’s toy cupboards and arranging everything and throwing out broken pieces. And that was very satisfying. And then the minute he came home he took everything out played with everything. And then put everything back and of course a totally different place. Laundry is another example. Laundry is always in crisis mode around here. Since I’ve been home it hasn’t been, which is nice. But if I’m being honest we wore clean clothes before and we wear clean clothes now. The only real difference is that now my husband doesn’t have to do it along side me when we’re watching tv. Which isn’t much of a motivator for me.

I guess my bottom line is that I’ve always been envious of other families who have someone at home full-time because it seems like things are much calmer. And in my case, yes generally speaking things are a little bit calmer? But it hasn’t made a huge dent like I thought it would. I would say I would be 90% more unhappy if I didn’t have a job but the house will only be like 20% calmer. I don’t know if that makes any sense.

It makes total sense to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We outsource nothing. I WAH and also care for DD. It’s complicated as I have no set hours.

In general, I fall though the cracks. Laundry gets done, I cook every night. Our floor could generally use a mopping, but it needs it even 15 min after I’ve done it.

Being a martyr is a choice.

It’s not a choice if you’re one of those people who don’t have the money to outsource. Get out of your little bubble please

Agreed. The martyr PP is an entitled ass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a really weird thread. Most of the stuff y'all say you "outsource" because you both work you'd still outsource if only one of you worked so long as you could afford it. A cleaning service? Yard work? Handyman work? Who with money does any of that stuff themselves? I don't work and we still outsource all of that.

I would have to make a LOT of money to pay someone to mow my yard, change my oil, do my laundry, or any "handyman work" I can't easily do myself. DW and I make roughly 140k each so money isn't the issue. Maybe if I was working 60 hour weeks I'd consider it, but I wouldn't like it. At that point it would just be making the choice to pay for more family time because my job was taking too much of it away.

[Anonymous]

Lawn service and grocery delivery. Deep cleaning tends to fall through the cracks though we’re pretty tidy as a rule.

[Anonymous]

I love that OP only has one child. You seriously can't handle life with ONE kid, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left my corporate job two weeks ago and will start in a new firm and February. So I have a very rare nine week period where I’m off work. I’ve been interested to see what it’s like to have a stay at home mom. And honestly I just don’t see how great it is if I were home all the time. Is that awful? I thought I would get a lot done that is the boring organization stuff. And I have. For example, yesterday I spent the afternoon cleaning out my son’s toy cupboards and arranging everything and throwing out broken pieces. And that was very satisfying. And then the minute he came home he took everything out played with everything. And then put everything back and of course a totally different place. Laundry is another example. Laundry is always in crisis mode around here. Since I’ve been home it hasn’t been, which is nice. But if I’m being honest we wore clean clothes before and we wear clean clothes now. The only real difference is that now my husband doesn’t have to do it along side me when we’re watching tv. Which isn’t much of a motivator for me.

I guess my bottom line is that I’ve always been envious of other families who have someone at home full-time because it seems like things are much calmer. And in my case, yes generally speaking things are a little bit calmer? But it hasn’t made a huge dent like I thought it would. I would say I would be 90% more unhappy if I didn’t have a job but the house will only be like 20% calmer. I don’t know if that makes any sense.

I stay home and outsource everything the people on this thread outsource except childcare. I have 3 kids - 1 in preschool and 2 in elementary. My almost 3yo is in preschool 2x per week for 3 hours.

So....you're lazy? I cut back my hours so I'm home one day a week and I cannot tell you the amount of housework and errands I get done in that one day. It's a whole new world!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We outsource nothing. I WAH and also care for DD. It’s complicated as I have no set hours.

In general, I fall though the cracks. Laundry gets done, I cook every night. Our floor could generally use a mopping, but it needs it even 15 min after I’ve done it.

Being a martyr is a choice.

It’s not a choice if you’re one of those people who don’t have the money to outsource. Get out of your little bubble please

+1000