Looking for recs on mainstream privates that are inclusive

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To avoid confusion, let me offer the following additional info.

We have a consultant and a neuropsychologist helping us. We’re doing additional testing too. We want the school to know exactly what they’re getting. We are not zoned for a good school and there is not a good transfer option. We’ve already looked into the options w the school district. We didn’t qualify for services from Child Find back when we tried. The person at the preschool has some idea what she’s talking about re IEP eligibility because she was heavily involved in the public school IEP process for our district for kids this age in her prior job. Child is very bright - been tested for that already and will be again.

We have four high-quality SN schools on our list — toured some of them already — but they are each one hell of a drive to get to. We would prefer not having kiddo spend 1.5 hours in the car each day and instead on the playground or in social skills classes, etc.

I’m on DCUM wanting to hear from folks who have real-world experience w mainstream schools that can speak positively or negatively and specifically, preferably w names of schools. Consultants etc are great but I’d like to hear from parents too — in fact, parents recs mean a lot!

Hope that helps. TIA for any info you can provide.

Kids who are very bright can get an IEP. IQ is not a barrier for an IEP. If your son has an ASD diagnosis, is very bright, and you think you may want to consider public schools, I urge you to get an IEP in preschool. For those kids who do well academically, you want to get an IEP sooner rather than later because some schools will consider "good grades" a barrier to an IEP even if the law says "educational impact" rather than only academic impact for an IEP.

My DS who is 11 with ASD/ADHD attended a Mandarin immersion public charter school for prek4-5 with an IEP and had a great experience. He is very bright and a top nationally ranked chess player. His IEP was always mainly about social communication supports with some OT. Academically, he did just fine fully mainstreamed. For middle school, DS is going to a SN school with a bunch of other very bright kids who need similar social supports.

DS was diagnosed when he was 4 but prior to that he had gotten into some mainstream well known privates. At 2, DS passed as NT. We chose the charter because we wanted DS to learn Mandarin (we don't know it). Looking back, it was the right choice for DS. We plan on sending DS to a mainstream private middle school for the later part of middle school and having him repeat a grade. DS has a summer birthday and was not red shirted which makes him younger and less mature than most kids who go to private school.

The main thing I would look for in a school, public or private, for a kid with this profile is small class size. For K at our charter, the ratio was 17 kids with a teacher, assistant teacher and a bilingual sp ed teacher. The kids changed classrooms depending on whether it was Chinese or English day. I doubt any mainsteam private school in this area could beat that.

Maddux can. 10-12 kids in a class, 2 full time special education teachers, one assistant teacher and OT and SLP that transition in throughout the day. Maddux is an exceptional school for the right type of child.

[Anonymous]

We have had a good experience at Field, but that won't help you for a few years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And also, thank you to everyone for taking time to read the request and to formulate thoughtful responses!

Everyone -

Again, thank you for taking the time to provide thoughtful responses. This would be so much easier if we were all in a room together. It's so difficult to interpret the tone of one's comments, and there's no nonverbal communication occurring. Please know that I'm not being dismissive of anyone's comments/input. I'm trying to watch this thread closely, and am sometimes responding from my iphone in free moments between things.

I hesitated to describe my kiddo's profile, knowing that my statements could be over- or under-interpreted. In the end, I opted to provide a basic description in hopes of eliciting more relevant responses. I was not crowing or in anyway intending to make a statement about IQ and ASD, others' abilities, IEP eligibility and IQ, etc. It was just a description. And please know that I'm very aware of my kid's limitations - we've had an abundance of evaluations that point out challenges in painful, clinical, and somewhat judgmental-sounding detail. (Thank God they also speak in detail about strengths too!) I was hoping you guys would trust me to know those challenges and to be able to use that information, combined with other input I'm receiving -- including from this board -- to find the right fit for my child.

I want to identify the options, and was hoping you guys could help. I particularly need help identifying mainstream privates. The high-quality SN schools that specialize in ASD/ADHD/NVLD were relatively easy to identify. They have great reputations, etc. We toured some of them already and will be touring others this fall. But they are crazy expensive and are a long drive to get to. So, I'd like to see whether there are any mainstream privates closer to home that I should approach to assess their potential fit. A mainstream private a little further away would be good to know about, just in case the neuropsych testing suggests a mainstream setting would be best and there aren't any closer to home. I want to avoid wasting time contacting those mainstream privates that are unwilling, etc., or simply don't have the capabilities, culture, etc. I was hoping people would be able to offer suggestions on who to contact, or even who to steer clear of. And please rest assured we intend to disclose the diagnosis, provide the latest neuropsych testing, etc.

Regarding public schools. We don't have good options. More importantly, however, is that kiddo does better in a small class, which makes public schools more difficult. Kiddo seems to thrive with about 15 - 17 kids max.

Moving is not a good option either. We've had this family home for a loooong time. Moving would be upsetting to the grands, taking them out of their home, their daily orbits, and potentially forcing them to find new doctors, etc. The move would also be hard on the sibs.

Lastly, we are working with a team. It includes an educational consultant and a neuropsychologist. We're doing another round of testing. Their advice and insights will be heavily weighted.

I hope this clarifies things further.

So if you are able to provide names of mainstream privates that I should contact or avoid, I would sincerely appreciate that. TIA!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We tried 2. All talk the talk but did the opposite of deliver. Don’t trust the hype and brochures. Wasted hundreds of thousands. Far better experience in local public elementary with IEP, kind staff/teachers and tutor.

Could you name them, please?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone have a positive experience at a mainstream private?

NP. No. We too "thought" DS would be fine.

Could you please name the school? Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I really hope you're spending an equal amount of time pursuing an IEP and investigating the public options in your area. Because dollars to donuts, your child will not be accepted to a private, and if they are, will not thrive there. (SN privates aside.) It's *easier* to qualify a young child for an IEP with ASD, because K is exactly when social skills and academic skills most strongly intersect. If your child actually has ASD, then they will have problems learning through social cues and "group think" - which will mean they can't be successful in Kindergarten, where it's very important to learn to follow rules.

Actually if they are in a good preschool, they should know how to follow rules. My child thrived in a small private.

If you're local, could you please name the school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’re applying to K for DS for 2019. We’re very close-in NOVA. DS has ASD Level 1 provisional diagnosis. Preschool says he probably would not qualify for IEP. He has above average IQ and strong verbal skills. Socially a little awkward. Has some mild anxiety. Thoughts on placement based on your past experience or others’ that you know personally? Thank you.

I know a TON of kids with this exact profile at Maddux and with IEPs. You are really downplaying your kids' needs here. You don't need to have a below average IQ to get an IEP. Internalize that. You are being extremely dismissive while asking for advice and experiences. Most kids have average to above IQs. Because they are average.

yep, and this is why proper supports are so important for the "above average" IQ kids with autism! They LEARN differently, and they won't be able to develop their strengths if they are not properly supported. However I would not call OP dismissive since she's willing to consider SN privates and knows that the child needs accomodations. I think she's just naive about private schools, and not informed about IEPs at publics. That's fine, we all have to start somewhere!

It really depends on the child and their needs. Mine did better no IEP in a small private. We switched to public with an IEP and child did well but the IEP was not helpful and the teachers didn't get my child nor helped in any way like the private teachers did.

Thank you. Could you please name the school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’re applying to K for DS for 2019. We’re very close-in NOVA. DS has ASD Level 1 provisional diagnosis. Preschool says he probably would not qualify for IEP. He has above average IQ and strong verbal skills. Socially a little awkward. Has some mild anxiety. Thoughts on placement based on your past experience or others’ that you know personally? Thank you.

I know a TON of kids with this exact profile at Maddux and with IEPs. You are really downplaying your kids' needs here. You don't need to have a below average IQ to get an IEP. Internalize that. You are being extremely dismissive while asking for advice and experiences. Most kids have average to above IQs. Because they are average.

yep, and this is why proper supports are so important for the "above average" IQ kids with autism! They LEARN differently, and they won't be able to develop their strengths if they are not properly supported. However I would not call OP dismissive since she's willing to consider SN privates and knows that the child needs accomodations. I think she's just naive about private schools, and not informed about IEPs at publics. That's fine, we all have to start somewhere!

It really depends on the child and their needs. Mine did better no IEP in a small private. We switched to public with an IEP and child did well but the IEP was not helpful and the teachers didn't get my child nor helped in any way like the private teachers did.

Thank you. Could you please name the school?

The school greatly changed after we left. The owner passed and a relative took over and fired the great teachers who really helped my child and brought in her own picks. I wouldn't recommend it anymore partly because of that and partly what I heard from others.

But, do call around and visit. Don't go by recommendations alone. Online this school didn't appear willing at all and I ruled it out initially but decided to go look and it was a very different experience. They let my kid do a 1/2 day trial and he didn't want to leave and they made it clear they wanted him. Remember all kids are different so one kid may not do well but another might at that school even with the same "profile."

I'm sure everyone here would have pushed Maddox for my kid but it was very pricy for what it was and really not necessary (I did talk to them but ruled them out quickly as they insisted we used their SLP vs. our private even though theirs did not take insurance and our SLP did so that was an unnecessary expense).

[Anonymous]

The fact you’re not getting specific names speaks Columbus, right? It’s a unicorn. I’m not trying to be mean but these are the kids that Maddox, Newton, Ieps and social
Skills classes were made for. You sound nice but you’re just not the first one to face this exact predicament. And we already told you the best options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The fact you’re not getting specific names speaks Columbus, right? It’s a unicorn. I’m not trying to be mean but these are the kids that Maddox, Newton, Ieps and social
Skills classes were made for. You sound nice but you’re just not the first one to face this exact predicament. And we already told you the best options.

+1000 OP is chasing a unicorn. I am the pp with the 11 with ASD/ADHD and the number 1 reason DS is going to a SN school for middle school is at the recommendation of his neuropsych, Dr. David Black. OP, what schools does your educational consultant and neuropsych recommend? I am sure you are paying them a lot of $$$$$, you should listen to them.

The good news is that once your child is older, you can always apply to mainstream privates if that is your goal. By then there will have a much clearer picture of your child's abilities and what kind of supports are needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound nice but you’re just not the first one to face this exact predicament. And we already told you the best options.

Exactly. The OP also describes my kid exactly - and probably 3 other kids in his class.

I have to be honest, I don't understand the focus on mainstream privates. You're going to pay for the privilege of sending your above-average IQ special needs kid to a place that has zero legal obligation to accommodate them and, in many cases, few resources? If you're just looking for small class size and a school that won't turn you away as soon as you say ASD, just call around. We did private for K and 1 - K was awesome because the teacher had a special education background; 1st was a nightmare because the teacher was old-school and refused to accommodate at all. At least when we went to public school, they had legal obligations to the IEP and process when we got a shitty teacher again - but that's not going to get you a small class size.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact you’re not getting specific names speaks Columbus, right? It’s a unicorn. I’m not trying to be mean but these are the kids that Maddox, Newton, Ieps and social
Skills classes were made for. You sound nice but you’re just not the first one to face this exact predicament. And we already told you the best options.

+1000 OP is chasing a unicorn. I am the pp with the 11 with ASD/ADHD and the number 1 reason DS is going to a SN school for middle school is at the recommendation of his neuropsych, Dr. David Black. OP, what schools does your educational consultant and neuropsych recommend? I am sure you are paying them a lot of $$$$$, you should listen to them.

The good news is that once your child is older, you can always apply to mainstream privates if that is your goal. By then there will have a much clearer picture of your child's abilities and what kind of supports are needed.

We are early in the testing/consulting process, so no recs yet. But we are in mainstream preK now based on prior nneuropsychologist recommendation, which isn’t K, I know, but.... Also, for what it’s worth, we were told by KKI that kiddo has good chance of becoming subclincal at some point. We know this happened with two of his cousins by age 9. They went public (different state) and were denied IEP. So, all of this is running in the back of my mind as we move this process.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound nice but you’re just not the first one to face this exact predicament. And we already told you the best options.

Exactly. The OP also describes my kid exactly - and probably 3 other kids in his class.

I have to be honest, I don't understand the focus on mainstream privates. You're going to pay for the privilege of sending your above-average IQ special needs kid to a place that has zero legal obligation to accommodate them and, in many cases, few resources? If you're just looking for small class size and a school that won't turn you away as soon as you say ASD, just call around. We did private for K and 1 - K was awesome because the teacher had a special education background; 1st was a nightmare because the teacher was old-school and refused to accommodate at all. At least when we went to public school, they had legal obligations to the IEP and process when we got a shitty teacher again - but that's not going to get you a small class size.

And our experience was the opposite. K-2 in private who went out of their way no IEP to help. Public gave us an IEP but didn't allow us to have input. They didn't even follow their own IEP and services were in a group and had nothing to do with my child's needs or to access the curriculum. We kept calling IEP meetings and they refused to listen to what we or the teacher had to say on what the child needed. We gave up fighting as it wasn't worth the cost of an advocate. Large class sizes, child got completely lost. Teachers barely communicate and we had no idea what was going on day to day as no work was sent home so we have no idea what even grades were based on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact you’re not getting specific names speaks Columbus, right? It’s a unicorn. I’m not trying to be mean but these are the kids that Maddox, Newton, Ieps and social
Skills classes were made for. You sound nice but you’re just not the first one to face this exact predicament. And we already told you the best options.

+1000 OP is chasing a unicorn. I am the pp with the 11 with ASD/ADHD and the number 1 reason DS is going to a SN school for middle school is at the recommendation of his neuropsych, Dr. David Black. OP, what schools does your educational consultant and neuropsych recommend? I am sure you are paying them a lot of $$$$$, you should listen to them.

The good news is that once your child is older, you can always apply to mainstream privates if that is your goal. By then there will have a much clearer picture of your child's abilities and what kind of supports are needed.

We are early in the testing/consulting process, so no recs yet. But we are in mainstream preK now based on prior nneuropsychologist recommendation, which isn’t K, I know, but.... Also, for what it’s worth, we were told by KKI that kiddo has good chance of becoming subclincal at some point. We know this happened with two of his cousins by age 9. They went public (different state) and were denied IEP. So, all of this is running in the back of my mind as we move this process.

OP, you have one foot in hopeful denial land and one foot in reality and that is why it is so hard to advise you. I have no idea what to tell you other than my kid is in mainstream private and they are not trucking with a kid who needs help. They are not equipped to do so. You need to do some self introspection on this process. That is what I see. WTF cares where your child ends up you meet them where they are. That is literally what we are all doing. Get there.

[Anonymous]

I think you REALLY need to understand that the kids in mainstream privates in this area are also all very bright AND don't have ASD. Is it fair to force your kid into that situation - only you know the answer to that.