Charging guests to attend parties? Is that a thing?
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Anonymous
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I can remember everyone chipping in when I was in my 20s and many invites asking for $ to join. That stopped once most of us began a career and could budget for the occasional lavish celebration.
I will say, even though no one asks up front, sometimes after a group dinner or party, I discretely offer to contribute at the when the check comes by passing my card forward, or offering cash. Sometimes it is passed back to me with a receipt. Sometimes it isn't. In this economy, with my circle of friends all with their own families and responsibilities, I think it's a nice gesture to offer and lessen the burden. |
Anonymous
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When I host in my home, there is no way I would take money from anyone visiting as a guest. Very often, guests arrive with wine, or dessert, but it is because they choose to. That is how my friends are. They don't usually come empty handed. But I never ask, or nor is it expected. When they do come empty handed, it's just as fine.
When I hosted a surprise birthday party on a schooner, didn't ask for any contribution from guests then either. But I did include gifts that the birthday person may like in the eVite (they were building a scotch collection at the time). Most guests brought a bottle of something unique for him to open later. Price of the bottle ranged all over. It was great. It may have been poor taste to make suggestions on scotch as a gift, but I knew the crowd and knew if they decided to bring something, they would want something that would be appreciated by the person receiving the gift. There were about 20 people, and the most expensive gift did not cover their "plate". The sailboat rental, staff/security/safety costs, catering, cake, or anything else. That's not the expectation. The expectation was for guests to enjoy making memories of a lifetime. Also, as a host, I recognized their sacrifice in time, location, and dock logistics to support his day. It was expensive. But I knew it would be, and I don't have events like this often. So it was a rare exception. Person told me later that it may have been the best birthday celebration ever. Friends still talk about it years later and often mention it was one of the most enjoyable, relaxing parties they'd joined at too. So I don't think there were any hard feelings about the gift suggestion. Any saltiness was washed away by the beautiful sunset, music, laughter and sound of the water. Good memories from that day. |
Anonymous
+1 I don't se the problem, it is basic consideration, and I want to see my friends, and be celebratory with them (not nickel and dime them). What I don't see is the people who compare who makes what and consequently develop an attitude, that is plain rude. Go or don't go to the wedding or birthday, but don't nickel and dime. |
Anonymous
To add, in someone's home, I would be less apt to inquire about chipping in - but would gladly do it, if asked. At a restaurant, I just assume everyone is chipping in, and paying for the birthday person, no problem. My gosh, it is just one night, and unless it is held at the Ritz or similar, I don't see any problem. Have fun or don't, your choice. |
Anonymous
Cool story, Lucille Bluth. |
Anonymous
| Weddings are the worst. There seems no end to the spending expected from guests at destination weddings, bachelorette weekends and the like. I decline most invitations and send a gift. |
Anonymous
Yeah, I’d like to see the end of weddings as exercises in extreme narcissism and money grabs. I won’t support them. |
Anonymous
New couple in the neighborhood was making friends (Bethesda) and invited a bunch of people to his wife's birthday party. At the end of the evening we got an email, "You can drop the $250 check off to me at drop-off or just stick in in my mailbox." I had no idea what he was talking about. Turns out that nobody else did, either. How socially awkward not to tell people up front that they're participating in a guest-pay dinner AFTER the fact. We didn't pay. We dropped him. |
Anonymous
PP, what kind of event cost $250 per couple? Did you go to a fancy restaurant? What did the followup email from the guy say? |
Anonymous
Lucille Bluth, ahaha! And, right?! |
Anonymous
It was a very expensive restaurant that brought prepared dishes to the table, so no menu ordering. They served large platters of seafood, pasta, salad, meat, and bottles of wine with dinner, then platters of dessert after with coffee. As expensive as the restaurant is, there is no way the bill would be $250 per couple. We had a glass of wine each and pasta. Didn't touch the meat or seafood, nor the dessert and coffee. Anyway, the follow up note said, "We wanted to do something fabulous for Jessica's 40th and assumed everyone would want to pitch in. It's not required. Most of the guests asked to pitch in, so we're sending out a friend-wide email letting them know their share." HOLY WHAT??? |
Anonymous
Wow! That is really weird. I wonder if anyone paid him. |
Anonymous
That's bizarre.....who does that? |
Anonymous
What jerks. They probably didn't like the big bill they received since they didn't do the proper research. Tried to recoup their loss, and guaranteed no one paid! |
Anonymous
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I think once people in your peer group start buying homes, getting married, and having kids, the "chip in" parties stop. The chip-in parties make sense when most people in the group don't have a lot of disposable income, and pooling expenses makes sense so that you can get together socially for a meal. However, once people become more financially stable, it is nice to be able to actually host a party.
I agree with PPs that there is a sense of entitlement to having expensive experiences that people use to justify having guests pay. You can be a host to an inexpensive, small dinner party that is really lovely and fun, where you truly are a gracious host. Some of the best dinner parties I've been to have been the most informal over pizza or Chinese ordered in by the host. |