Wife doesn't take our child outside enough?

[Anonymous]

The kid is awake for 15 hours needing child-rearing. Great to have a routine at some class for 2-3 hours, then lunch, then nap, then whatever.

I agree with PP, take a week off and figure out the perfect routine for your kid yourself. Then teach your wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When you’re not the one doing childcare all, you lose control over decisions like this. You can have opinions about what you would do in her shoes, but you can’t actually force her to do it the way you would prefer.

completely disagree

he has a job where expectations are set. she also has a "job" and certain expectations need to be set.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound really uninvolved in parenting your child. That's a lot worse in my book than preferring an indoor gym to going outside.

I am home several hours every evening. You're jumping to a lot of conclusions about me. You barely know anything about me except I have a job Monday- Saturday.

Then take your kid outside yourself, as has been recommended over and over again.

[Anonymous]

OP, you sound like a weirdo. Take some initiative for your family already. Love to hear what you actually do when you are home, if anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like dad doesn't spend a minute with kid? Mom has him all week and Sunday and Dad works Sat. Dad take him outside when u get home or take a long lunch break Sat and take him out?

Um no. I spend time with my child and I work. It's dark by the time I get home. You can't be this stupid. Right now weekends are the only time I can take my child outdoors.

Than take your kid outside on the weekend!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s a novel idea but you tried talking to your wife? What does she say?

Could you say, “Honey, it’s supposed to be really nice on Thursday. Could you invite some friends to meet at city park instead of the gym so that little Larlo can enjoy the fresh air?”

Sounds to me that you think she will say no, in which case your issue is bigger than you are letting on.

She doesn't really have any friends except the moms at the indoor gym. They don't spend time together outside the gym. The gym has storytime and crafts or yoga every morning. My wife thinks these classes are extremely important. She's obsessed with this place.

She can skip once or twice a week. Or if you think the gym is a bad influence, maybe cancel the membership? I’m a veteran SAHM but I’ve never heard of a gym like the one you describe. No daycare but has storytime and crafts? I get that she needs adult interaction but she doesn’t need to socialize 5x a week. Is she depressed? Maybe she isn’t cut out for staying home. Definitely don’t get her pregnant again until you sort this out!

It's like Gymboree. You've never heard of Gymboree?

Oh! I was picturing a fitness gym like Lifetime or something. I can't imagine spending 2-3 hours/5 days a week at Gymboree. OMG.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The funny thing is moms who are siding with his wife here would go ballistic if their nanny never took the child outside.

+1 The bias is unreal. You bitter ladies know you'd damn well lose your minds if your nannies or DH's never took your kids outside, but a husband complains about it and somehow it's his fault? Woooow.

Not the DH, but of course the nanny. If you cede all of one job to someone, they get to choose how to do it. Paid help is very different that equal partners in a marriage.

This is similar to the grief women get on the relationship forum when they complain that their DHs won't take a more ambitious, higher-paying, high-pressure job. If you aren't doing it, you don't get to say how it goes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you’re not the one doing childcare all, you lose control over decisions like this. You can have opinions about what you would do in her shoes, but you can’t actually force her to do it the way you would prefer.

completely disagree

he has a job where expectations are set. she also has a "job" and certain expectations need to be set.

And who exactly is her "boos?" It sounds like she's meeting the expectations SHE has for being the primary parent in her household.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like dad doesn't spend a minute with kid? Mom has him all week and Sunday and Dad works Sat. Dad take him outside when u get home or take a long lunch break Sat and take him out?

Um no. I spend time with my child and I work. It's dark by the time I get home. You can't be this stupid. Right now weekends are the only time I can take my child outdoors.

Than take your kid outside on the weekend!

He can't, remember. He doesn't get home until dark on Saturday, and Sundays are all church and family time. So I have no idea why he said what he did above.

OP, I can tell you why your wife isn't doing what you've asked. You're never home, and when you are, you tell her you don't like the way she's spending long, dull days with your child. You have a reason that you can't possibly get more involved, so her actions are telling you to "shut up" already! She is unhappy. She has also likely checked out of this marriage (filling up your one day off with church and her family is your clue there).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you’re not the one doing childcare all, you lose control over decisions like this. You can have opinions about what you would do in her shoes, but you can’t actually force her to do it the way you would prefer.

completely disagree

he has a job where expectations are set. she also has a "job" and certain expectations need to be set.

And who exactly is her "boos?" It sounds like she's meeting the expectations SHE has for being the primary parent in her household.

I've been a SAHM for 10 years. My husband doesn't micromanage me, but that doesn't mean he cedes the right to have any opinion on how his kids are being cared for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you’re not the one doing childcare all, you lose control over decisions like this. You can have opinions about what you would do in her shoes, but you can’t actually force her to do it the way you would prefer.

completely disagree

he has a job where expectations are set. she also has a "job" and certain expectations need to be set.

HAHAHHAHHAHA.

Sorry bucko, having a child is 24/7/365 and 100% from Dad and 100% from Mom. Your office or whatever job is no longer the priority -- your wife, child and household are. Don't fool yourself that this is the 1950s and your only 'duty' is to 'provide' a paycheck. you will be divorced so fast your head will spin!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's February, my friend. Write back when the weather is warmer.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife never takes our 2 year old outside. She takes him to an indoor gym for 2-3 hours almost everyday. Apparently all her mom friends take their kids to the indoor gym. So, basically, he's never outside. We live a few minutes away from the beach. It does get humid out here but for the winter months it's really nice. Wife says she's not a fan of being out in the sun because her skin burns easily.

Stop bitching and help out

[Anonymous]

Surely, every minute of Sunday is not taken with church and great grandmother is it? And if it is, and outdoor time is important to you, why haven't you said that you would like a little time with your child. Between church and family? Or after family.

Are you really looking for opportunities for you to take your son outside or are you shifting everything to your wife. I agree she should try and get some outdoor time (for herself too), but you can't force her. Maybe you can help her look for fun things they can do together when you are out.

[Anonymous]

Yikes, I dislike the outdoors. I never liked going to a playground if my kid’s friends were not there. When my kids were little I took them to indoor gyms with friends and organized tons of play dates. They are good, smart, social kids. In the summer months they are outside playing with friends 5-10pm, every day, but they are 9 and 10 and need minimal supervision. I always thought I was an active mom, out and about with my kids, ensuring they had plenty of play time and socialization, just not outdoors. My husband is really outdoorsy so he often takes them bike riding early in the morning or hiking in the evenings. If it’s that important to you, you should take the initiative to take them out over the weekend. It will be good bonding time for you and your kids.