Daycare nightmare -- warning about Bright Horizons - Reston Commerce Metro and Simon Center

[Anonymous]

I'm not a Simon Center parent. In fact, I could arguably be said to have an ax to grind against the Simon Center because I've been involved with another Reston non profit center for years and years.

But I don't believe a word of it. At all. Not with what I know about how the sausage is made at the non profit centers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I worked in daycares during college. Until you spend all day/every day at them, you have NO WAY of knowing what goes on there when parents aren't around.

+1. I swore then that my kids would never spend so much as an hour in daycare. I've seen too much horrific stuff in too many "great daycares". I wouldn't leave a young child with a nanny either. Some things are just not worth the risk.

I"ve never worked in daycare, but my office overlooks an purportedly well respected day care facility. I have plenty of opportunity to observe the daycare workers interacting with the kids. I'm sure the parents of many of those kids also swear that those workers love their kids--and I"m sure that they do like them, but some of the behaviour is pretty eye-opening.

This is true. Of course people who put their children in daycare feel that the providers love their children. The parents need to feel that way so that they can feel good about the choice they have made for their child.

Similarly, some women argue that all daycares are terrible to justify their life of bon-bons and tele-novelas while they are supposefly minding the children.



Seriously, though, the truth is in the middle.

Yeah, the vitriol from SAHMs who act like any daycare is child abuse is pretty pathetic.

[Anonymous]

I hate to say this but, if you put your kid in daycare or hire a nanny, they are not going to treat your kid like you do. You can't accept abuse, but they are going to do some things that you are not going to like. It's a stressful low paying job and they are human.

I have seen and heard of a lot of careless and mean things that daycare workers and nannies do to kids. It happens everywhere. If you can't accept the good with the bad, then be a stay at home parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate to say this but, if you put your kid in daycare or hire a nanny, they are not going to treat your kid like you do. You can't accept abuse, but they are going to do some things that you are not going to like. It's a stressful low paying job and they are human.

I have seen and heard of a lot of careless and mean things that daycare workers and nannies do to kids. It happens everywhere. If you can't accept the good with the bad, then be a stay at home parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I worked in daycares during college. Until you spend all day/every day at them, you have NO WAY of knowing what goes on there when parents aren't around.

+1

Duh, says everyone. That said, I'm pretty sure my spunky, happy kid who runs into his teacher's arms everyday isn't being abused. If he is, shame on me.

I have a kid in daycare. There is a huge continuum from "being abused" to "neglect leading to detergent swallowing" to "benign neglect" to "lukewarm supervision" to "acceptable engagement" to "well-cared for." I think most of us are probably getting care for our kids in the middle range.

+1000

This is reality. Daycare is not perfect care, hopefully it's safe care. If you are expecting daycare to be like Disneyland everyday, you are being unrealistic. These people don't love your kids, they get tired and overwhelmed by the stress of the job day in and day out. Like you would.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another Simon Center parent and supporter here. The OP sounds a bit unhinged.

Dude, you are LYING. There is no sane parent on earth who would think it's okay to hand a child laundry detergent.
How about we give your kid a drawer of sharp knives to play with? I think you should be reported to CPS for even suggesting this behavior is okay. You clearly aren't an adequate parent.

The laundry detergent incident did not happen at the Simon Center.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone actually eat bon-bons?

I actually find bon-bons rather insipid. Neuhaus does a very fine champagne truffle. Any time I decide to while away a few pleasant hours with my children safely filed away with their minimum wage caretakers, I never recline on my settee without a nice assortment of Belgian confectionery to ameliorate my ennui.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone actually eat bon-bons?

I actually find bon-bons rather insipid. Neuhaus does a very fine champagne truffle. Any time I decide to while away a few pleasant hours with my children safely filed away with their minimum wage caretakers, I never recline on my settee without a nice assortment of Belgian confectionery to ameliorate my ennui.

Nice to see you are putting your MRS degree with a minor in English Lit to good use.

[Anonymous]

I actually did an activity with detergent this weekend with my toddler. We made homemade bubbles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I worked in daycares during college. Until you spend all day/every day at them, you have NO WAY of knowing what goes on there when parents aren't around.

+1

Duh, says everyone. That said, I'm pretty sure my spunky, happy kid who runs into his teacher's arms everyday isn't being abused. If he is, shame on me.

I have a kid in daycare. There is a huge continuum from "being abused" to "neglect leading to detergent swallowing" to "benign neglect" to "lukewarm supervision" to "acceptable engagement" to "well-cared for." I think most of us are probably getting care for our kids in the middle range.

+1000

This is reality. Daycare is not perfect care, hopefully it's safe care. If you are expecting daycare to be like Disneyland everyday, you are being unrealistic. These people don't love your kids, they get tired and overwhelmed by the stress of the job day in and day out. Like you would.

Exactly. Just like parents do. And teachers do, when your kids, you know, go to school unless you plan to helicopter via homeschooling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone actually eat bon-bons?

I actually find bon-bons rather insipid. Neuhaus does a very fine champagne truffle. Any time I decide to while away a few pleasant hours with my children safely filed away with their minimum wage caretakers, I never recline on my settee without a nice assortment of Belgian confectionery to ameliorate my ennui.

Nice to see you are putting your MRS degree with a minor in English Lit to good use.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, the daycare people are here posing as "parents." No body gets this defensive about a good experience at a daycare.

Nope - not a daycare person posing as a parent. I'd suspect everyone 'posing' as a parent. Happy to chat about my experience if there was a way to post non-anonymously.

I'm a genuine parent with real kids in actual classrooms who are happy.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, though, you people are impossible. I once posted about a daycare issue and didn't name the school, and I was shamed for not naming. Now a parent names, and she's being called a liar and unhinged. You're like a bunch of schoolyard bullies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I worked in daycares during college. Until you spend all day/every day at them, you have NO WAY of knowing what goes on there when parents aren't around.

+1

Duh, says everyone. That said, I'm pretty sure my spunky, happy kid who runs into his teacher's arms everyday isn't being abused. If he is, shame on me.

He may not be being abused, but is he spoken to kindly? Is he shamed? Yelled at? Belittled? Laughed at? Left to cry or throw a fit for hours instead of being helped through the emotions? These things aren't necessarily abusive, but they're damaging. And they happen at daycares without anyone having a clue.

Do your kids ever just wear you out? Do they have moments where they're just impossible or absolutely insane? Multiply that by 10-15 kids and then by about 10 hours a day...every day. This is what it's like to be a daycare teacher. I did it for about 6 months, and then I realized I was getting frustrated with the job and I didn't want to take it out on the kids (like I saw all around me), so I quit. No one. Not even the kindest teacher in the world can keep their cool 100% of the time.

[Anonymous]

These are not Simon Center families posting.

That is not how families respond to hearing about potentially harmful behavior. Most parents aren't immediately dismissive...instead they ask more questions, are concerned etc. They don't write 5 star reviews like the multiple responses here.

Daycares are staffed with humans. Humans who get tired, frustrated, who are mad at their boss, who have money problems and life stress and coworker issues. They work to pay the bills. There aren't a lot of jobs where you don't need an education so if you like kids then daycare is a great option. But then you take the stress and frustration of dealing with lots of kids...all day long. And their parents, and the parents who don't come back for 10 hours. You deal with irritable parents, demanding parents, critical parents, parents who stay and talk at the end of your very long day. You want all the pics and details as though they were the ones with the kids all day every day. You deal with kids fighting and biting and crying and pooping and yelling and complaining and whining...and multiply this my 10 or more kids...day in and day out.

The best daycare workers have bad days. The worst ones have good days. The good ones get so frustrated with the bad ones who don't pull their weight or who make the situations worse. its a job that is hard to leave. There aren't many other options when you don't have an education and your experience is daycare, so you burn out but stay.

You care about the kids, but they aren't your kids. It is like when you have other people's kids over. Fun to have them but glad when they leave. They are exhausting and tiring. You always have to act happy and smiling and keep the parents happy. You have to be energetic and calm and not get annoyed or mad at the kids even though they are annoying and maddening. You bottle it up and let it out when no one is looking.

I have no doubt both those things happened to OP. They happen in every daycare, in the ones that win awards and the ones that don't. Some people and places work harder to cover it than others. People make mistakes (like playing with laundry soap), they get frustrated and put a kid down on a chair too hard. That is the reality of daycare and the humans who work there. Not all that different from how annoyed and frustrated you get with your own kids when you spend 40-50 hours a week with them, with other kids around, and all while staying in the same space.