I will never completely trust any man

[Anonymous]

OP, you are right that affairs are common - more common than we'd like to think. However, I do believe it's possible to have a loving, committed marriage built on mutual trust. You said that your husband has never given you any reason not to trust him. Is this a new feeling, or something that's been bothering you for some time? Has something happened that (deep down) has made you question his faithfulness?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, NP, but I have to say while I don't live my life like OP, I think some of the objecting PPs are equally hysterical if not more so. Study after study has confirmed that over 50% of men have cheated (and a considerable percentage of women too). That doesn't count all the other possible "untrustworthy" behavior that could develop in a long-term relationship - addiction, substance abuse, money problems, significant lying, etc. It is impossible to "know" that your spouse has never and will never engage in any such untrustworthy behavior, in fact, I think (just as a matter of statistics) the large majority has or will, to some degree at least. I don't go around actively worrying that my spouse will - but he is not perfect, nor am I - so I certainly accept that it is a possibility. If the fact that I accept human fallibility and my own lack of control over the actions of others makes me a "bitter harpy" (really PPs?), so be it.

Which means getting married is for the foolhardy and naive.

[Anonymous]

My STBXH believed I must be a cheater and basically torpedoed our marriage by his paranoia over my rare contact with old guy friends. . Though it's true you can't 100% trust a human, you have to trust your mate enough to share a lifetime commitment. Insane jealousy and paranoia kills the relationship.

[Anonymous]

I'm with you op. My brother in law killed my sister. Men suck.

[Anonymous]

I've been married twice as long as OP. I adore my wife and have always been faithful. But if she had OP's attitude that no man can be trusted you can be damn sure our relationship would be different. A constant undertone of mistrust just because I'm a man would ultimately eat away at our relationship. How could it not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm with you op. My brother in law killed my sister. Men suck.

Wha???? What happened?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been married twice as long as OP. I adore my wife and have always been faithful. But if she had OP's attitude that no man can be trusted you can be damn sure our relationship would be different. A constant undertone of mistrust just because I'm a man would ultimately eat away at our relationship. How could it not?

It's not an issue that keeps coming up though. It's not like I question him about his whereabouts or check his phone etc.

[Anonymous]

People need to have perspective. For many people, monogamy is really hard. People screw up. Assess your marriage, if its good, and it works, forgive. It's not a matter of trust, its accepting we are human and fallible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lifetime monogamy isn't a realistic expectation. So, no, I don't trust my spouse or any person I would date or marry to never cheat. I get what OP is saying.

For me, it's more about being realistic. If my spouse cheats, then what? Do I throw away my marriage over it?

I can understand the trust and honesty. Would not stay with someone that lies

But why do you equate trust with sex. It is just sex not love

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lifetime monogamy isn't a realistic expectation. So, no, I don't trust my spouse or any person I would date or marry to never cheat. I get what OP is saying.

For me, it's more about being realistic. If my spouse cheats, then what? Do I throw away my marriage over it?

If you have a backbone, yes!!,

If he cheats, he threw it away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been married twice as long as OP. I adore my wife and have always been faithful. But if she had OP's attitude that no man can be trusted you can be damn sure our relationship would be different. A constant undertone of mistrust just because I'm a man would ultimately eat away at our relationship. How could it not?

It's not an issue that keeps coming up though. It's not like I question him about his whereabouts or check his phone etc.

Do you use condoms? Or are you having unprotected sex with this man who lives in your house who you don't trust because you're too smart for that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DC has some of the most bitter, unhappy women I have ever seen anywhere. And we have lived all over. It's not just that you are unhappy. You cannot stand the idea that millions of men and women are happy. The reality is that your bitterness makes you unattractive both inside and out. You attract exactly what you manifest. Have you stopped to consider how miserable it must be for your poor husband to live with someone who doesn't trust him? Who would blame him if he cheated? I'm not even sure why he is still with you.

This is exactly how I feel about the women of DCUM. I'm a woman but I don't live in the area (found this message.board through a search and love the anonymity). Women here seem so miserable. Everyone is so focused on how they look to other people and material things. I know these same women turn their nose up at my small town life but it sure seems a million times better than the DC life from what I read on here.

I'm from a more rural area as well. We live in DC for about 18 months every five or six years. We have also lived all over this country and in two overseas locations. I'm telling you from experience- The women in DC are a special kind of miserable. My DH jokes and says if I ever start acting or looking like them we are never coming back. It's a bitterness and a coldness that I've never seen anywhere else. Even the women who are married hate men. They are shocked when their men cheat, but honestly, no man wants to be married to a miserable, untrusting, bitter, hardened women who in reality wants to be a man. They have lost the ability to be trusting, sweet, and feminine. And they are raising a generation of boys who don't dare open doors or offer seats to women. And daughters who have no idea what it means to be a lady. It's really sad.

I used to live in NYC and loved dating there. My dates ranged from great to mediocre. In D.C., however, my dates have ranged from mediocre to terrible. Women here seem so bitter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The women saying they feel the same way would be the same ones crying if their spouse said they'll never fully trust them. Or if they wouldn't trust them unless they could look through their phone. Ridiculous stupid women. And I am a woman myself.

I wouldn't have a problem with this and I'm a woman.