Why do parents decide to have more than 2 children

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Assuming this is a first marriage (i.e. no children from previous relationships), why would you and your husband decide to have more than just 2 children?
When I was a kid, all my friends had usually just one sibling. Now, I see families with more than 2 kids all the time. Usually 3+. Obviously, having one sibling is better than being a single child. But why more?

I teach my children that it is highly irresponsible to replace two people with more than just two. I also think it is much better for a family life (less activities to go to, more time to spend as a family, less financially demanding, less stressful, etc.)

Because we don't care what your had friends growing up, or what you teach your children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Statistically speaking, the children that people like us bring into the world are net producers for our society and economy. We need responsible, married, UMC people to be having MORE children, not fewer.

If everyone only had two, humans would become extinct.

Colonialism aside, having MORE UMC kids will lead to more people using a disproportionate amount of the world's resources.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I had planned on world domination, but were completely exhausted by the time we had our third. We reassessed and moved on to plan b.

ROFLMAO! Your post wins.

[Anonymous]

From my perspective I think its the opposite -- when I was a kid there seemed to be many family's with more than two children, and there are far less of them now. My husband and I are both one of three, so to us that seems to be the ideal number of children. I would love to have three but for financial reasons I seriously doubt it will happen. I think part of me will always feel incomplete without having a third though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From my perspective I think its the opposite -- when I was a kid there seemed to be many family's with more than two children, and there are far less of them now. My husband and I are both one of three, so to us that seems to be the ideal number of children. I would love to have three but for financial reasons I seriously doubt it will happen. I think part of me will always feel incomplete without having a third though.

+1. We had 2 kids in my family growing up, and I knew (and envied!) plenty of families with 3-4 kids. My husband had 3 in his family and they remain very close and have a great time together as adults. 3 kids keeps it much busier and more fun, IMO. I get it that it's more expensive now, and especially in this area. We had 3 before moving here. I'm thrilled for my kids to have each other growing up. Cost notwithstanding, it's still an extremely fulfilling, warm and fun family life. Of course I know plenty of people with 2 kids and I can see how that's quite "rational", but it sure as heck isn't "irrational" for a family to decide on 1, 3, or more. You profess to be non judgmental, OP, but your words and thoughts are extremely judge-y.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Assuming this is a first marriage (i.e. no children from previous relationships), why would you and your husband decide to have more than just 2 children?
When I was a kid, all my friends had usually just one sibling. Now, I see families with more than 2 kids all the time. Usually 3+. Obviously, having one sibling is better than being a single child. But why more?

I teach my children that it is highly irresponsible to replace two people with more than just two. I also think it is much better for a family life (less activities to go to, more time to spend as a family, less financially demanding, less stressful, etc.)

With such an open mind, I'm sure you'll make a great MIL one day.

[Anonymous]

Because we love the chaos of a large family and have a great husband who is an equal partner, so why not? Kids are awesome. This is the best part of life so far, it doesn't get better than this. We would have had 5 had it not mean needing some sort of crazy van to drive them around safely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Assuming this is a first marriage (i.e. no children from previous relationships), why would you and your husband decide to have more than just 2 children?
When I was a kid, all my friends had usually just one sibling. Now, I see families with more than 2 kids all the time. Usually 3+. Obviously, having one sibling is better than being a single child. But why more?

I teach my children that it is highly irresponsible to replace two people with more than just two. I also think it is much better for a family life (less activities to go to, more time to spend as a family, less financially demanding, less stressful, etc.)

Where on God's green earth did you grow up? I grew up on Long Island and all families were big and that was pervasive into NYC.

[Anonymous]

I teach my (four) children that failing to contribute our superior genes to society (by reproducing at well above replacement rate) is highly irresponsible. I wished I could have adopted, because adoption is nice and all, but my biological pull to share my biological awesomeness was simply overwhelming. I'm not judging anyone, by the way. And also, I just want to note that my personal decisions are much better than anyone else's, unless they are the exact same as mine, in which case they are brilliant.

[Anonymous]

Many of my friends planned for two and the third was an oops. They're all happy anyway.

I think in some families, if the first two are one sex, they want to try at least once more for one of the other sex. I'm pretty sure that's why my parents had 3 - they wanted that boy after two girls.

I'm always surprised/impressed when people purposely have 4 or more. I just can't imagine that having that many. Seems chaotic, but the moms usually seem pretty unflappable, which makes it more impressive.

[Anonymous]

This is a crazy question. Who said 2 children was the norm and any more than that people have to have a reason? They have more because they want more.

- Signed, mom who only wants 2 children.

[Anonymous]

I teach my children that it is highly irresponsible to to be as intransigent and judgmental as OP. I teach them that every family has to make their own decisions on what is the right family size and the right way to raise their children.

[Anonymous]

I have two and my husband wants to stop at two, and that's fine with me, but I definitely WANT another child. For whatever reason, I still don't feel our family is complete yet. We come from larger families, so i suppose it feels like they need more kids in the house. I also think it helps when you're mad at one sibling to have another to talk to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.... I don't check the board very often, just once a day.

Several observations:

1) Of course, if you end up being pregnant with multiples, congratulations, such is life. If you end up merging families, such is life. If an "accident" happens, such is life. If you end divorcing with children but remarrying a spouse without children, I do understand that you might want to have a child with the spouse. And yes, adopting is a wonderful thing. There are many children in need of loving families. I wish I could just adopt INSTEAD of having my own children, but my longing to have my own biological children was stronger. It is difficult to provide an exhaustive list of all variables in the introductory paragraph of a new post. You know what I meant when I said "decide." A well-thought through decision between a man and a woman about their family future.

2) I am not judging. I am just asking. I am not telling anyone how to reproduce. "Why do I care?" I just want to know, because I see large families everywhere around me, and it is different from what I was seeing around me growing up.

3) I understand what the replacement fertility rate is. But I also know that the world population is growing constantly. Ideally, every family would have between 2 and 3 children. This way, the world population would remain stable. We all know that some people don't have any kids, while some have 10+. But overall, people are having more kids than what is needed. For those posters, who were offended by my "highly irresponsible" remark, I understand that how many children to have is mostly an emotional, not a rational decision. I don't think you are having 3 kids because the replacement fertility rate is 2.1 children per family. You couldn't care less what the rate is.

4) To all offended mothers of singletons: What I meant was, for a child, having a sibling at home is better. A peer, a playmate, a confidant, a competitor (i.e. you are not the center of the universe), etc. If you disagree, fine, this is not the point of my post. You are not contributing to the world's overpopulation.

5) I also understand that growing up in a large family and generally being surrounded by a large family is an important factor: it is what you know, like, and cannot think of changing. I also understand that if you were one of two children and "hated" it, you decide not to have two children (maybe none, maybe only one, maybe more than 2). Again, I see this as an emotional, not a rational reason.

6) The "what if one sibling dies and there is a lot of pressure and reliance from parents on this one child only" argument is ridiculous. This is a reasoning from 1900s, when families had 5+ children because they knew that one diphtheria outbreak can wipe them all out in one short week.

7) The "status" or "luxury" observation is interesting. Maybe the reason why I am seeing it here more is the fact that this is very a very affluent area.

OP! I'm so surprised! Your decision to not adopt sounds so emotional. Tsk. Tsk.

[Anonymous]

We just like to have lots of sex. Our fifth was an "oops."