cost of assisted living facility

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So depressing. My husband came home and told me that the OT told his mother that she can't drive for several weeks after falling a bunch of times, but "everything is fine." No we don't need to make any plans or discuss any options. Apparently his failing 85+ year old mother who can't hear, can't remember shit, and falls over periodically is just fine and can take care of herself.

I wouldn't listen to him and look at the options for her. I'm sorry you are going through that.

Well....maybe she'd rather stay in her home, even if it means dying because of a fall, rather than live longer but in a nursing home.

Well...one of the options that I have asked him to discuss with her is whether she would think about selling her place and moving in with us. We could hire some in home care as needed and I would be preparing her meals so we would know that she was eating. I have also asked him to discuss an ALF with her which is not a nursing home. My fear is that he continues to insist everything is fine, when it isn't, and she hurts herself because she is alone and we skip over 2 much more pleasant options to care for her than a nursing home.

I will refrain from inserting the eyeroll emoticon...barely.

I completely understand. It is easier to believe what you want to believe than it is to address a difficult situation like this.

I will tell you this from experience: It is much, much easier to make decisions in a proactive way than it is to make them in reaction to a crisis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Reading these posts makes me re-live the nightmare we had with my FIL. I've written about it before on other posts. In short, he had a massive stroke that left him paralyzed on one side, unable to toilet and some memory issues. From the hospital, he went to an ALF for rehab. I believe he was discharged after 3 months and returned to his home. My DH worked from home so he basically stayed with his dad during the day and an aide came to stay the night. It was awful. Given the choice of us divorcing or putting his dad back in an ALF, DH chose the ALF. As PP noted, it's hard to do from home so we waited until FIL had to go to the hospital and then moved him to an AFL from there.

After that, we met a financial planner with expertise in middle income clients and, importantly, well versed in elder care issues. She was a godsend and I wished we'd met her when this first happened. She had a lot of contacts and helped us to, once again, move FIL back home because it's a lot cheaper to get in-home care than it is nursing home care. But, you have to be willing to be more involved than at an ALF. For example, when there's a medical concern, the home aide will call you and you have to tell the aide what to do (do nothing, call 911, etc.). In an ALF, the staff will call you but you have assurances that 'someone' will take care of the issue if you're not available. There's a lot more peace of mind in an ALF - which you pay for.

The money issue is always hanging over you. With my FIL, he burned through all his liquid assets and there was only the house left. What do you do when you have no money to pay for care? Our stress level was huge. My DH spiraled into a depression, our marriage reached the breaking point and had no savings of our own because we had to pay for some of his care (which is one of many reasons our marriage was breaking - we have kids of our own, some with SN and had to halt therapies, etc.) And, I looked at FIL and thought what a shame it was that his quality of life was so poor. I'm getting OT here but it really brought home that just because we can prolong life, doesn't mean we should. If he'd been in his right mind, he would never have wanted things the way they were. I don't want to live that way and I don't want to put my loved ones through what we'd been through. I made sure I documented that and filed it with our trust/will documents. But, back to the story. My FIL died right before he was going to be moved back to an ALF. The plan was to get him to a hospital again and then move him to an ALF.

If you remember/read nothing else from my story, please remember to find a financial planner like we did to help you through this. I might be able to do it on my own now that I've been through it once but I wouldn't want to. If you can't find one, we used Amy Oviedo from Integrated Financial Partners (Amy dot Oviedo at IFPAdvisor dot com). She's located in Fairfax but if you live elsewhere, she can still likely help you or help you find someone. Hugs to everyone going through this.

I remember you! Because of your post we also hired Amy to help us with my MIL. She is amazing!!! She is truly a god send.

On a side note, I am like you pp about quality of life v. just living for the sake of living. It is depressing to see how most of the elderly end up - lucky are the ones who die on their sleep.

Anyway, thanks again for mentioning Amy a few years ago when we had an emergency. My Mil is at Sunrise now and while physically she is much better, mentally she is just gone.

[Anonymous]

Once the resources are gone, you go into a nursing home under medicaid. You don't need a financial planner. We simply refused to pay for care for my MIL. The nursing homes tried very hard to get us to commit to private pay. We then got APS involved to get her in. We have a child in a lot of therapy too. No way I was stopping that to pay for a nursing home. I slowed it down to temp. care for my MIL but I was not being financially responsible.

That is one way of doing things and if you don't have many resources, it sounds fine. However, if your parents or in-laws do have savings, I would think a financial planner makes sense to help you make the most of the money and stretch it as long as possible to pay for quality care. In my Mil case while she had good savings, it was mostly under treasure bonds and plain saving accounts with almost no returns. A financial planner helped/guided us on how to invest the money to make it stretch. God know how long she will live still - at this rate I can see her going over 100!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Once the resources are gone, you go into a nursing home under medicaid. You don't need a financial planner. We simply refused to pay for care for my MIL. The nursing homes tried very hard to get us to commit to private pay. We then got APS involved to get her in. We have a child in a lot of therapy too. No way I was stopping that to pay for a nursing home. I slowed it down to temp. care for my MIL but I was not being financially responsible.

That is one way of doing things and if you don't have many resources, it sounds fine. However, if your parents or in-laws do have savings, I would think a financial planner makes sense to help you make the most of the money and stretch it as long as possible to pay for quality care. In my Mil case while she had good savings, it was mostly under treasure bonds and plain saving accounts with almost no returns. A financial planner helped/guided us on how to invest the money to make it stretch. God know how long she will live still - at this rate I can see her going over 100!

We had no resources so a financial planner would have not helped. We are in a medicaid bed and very happy with the facility and care. The staff has been wonderful to my MIL and to us. Sometimes you just get lucky with the staff. Medicaid isn't all bad, just very difficult (ok, a nightmare).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Room and board runs $5k to $7k per month in the greater DC area. But you pay for all of your medical care, medications, activities, hygiene items, etc. What you get is basically your college dorm and meal plan with an upgraded Resident Assistant for your $5k to $7k.

This is what my mom pays in DC proper for a so-so place. Sunrise facilities that I looked at in DC proper are newer than hers, have high buy-ins, and generally higher monthly rates. My mom also has a personal CNA aide that charges about $21/hour. My mom doesn't like to wait for anything, so having her aide means she can get her assistance immediately. A high price to pay for impatience or an unwillingness to plan ahead, but so be it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Room and board runs $5k to $7k per month in the greater DC area. But you pay for all of your medical care, medications, activities, hygiene items, etc. What you get is basically your college dorm and meal plan with an upgraded Resident Assistant for your $5k to $7k.

This is what my mom pays in DC proper for a so-so place. Sunrise facilities that I looked at in DC proper are newer than hers, have high buy-ins, and generally higher monthly rates. My mom also has a personal CNA aide that charges about $21/hour. My mom doesn't like to wait for anything, so having her aide means she can get her assistance immediately. A high price to pay for impatience or an unwillingness to plan ahead, but so be it.

That is too bad... we are getting really good care at the nursing home and no waiting. They are really attentive. Food looks bad but MIL loves it. They pay for the medications, but we provide the hygiene (I think they might if we don't but we just provided them) and I have not figured out activities. She would probably be better off at a better nursing home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Room and board runs $5k to $7k per month in the greater DC area. But you pay for all of your medical care, medications, activities, hygiene items, etc. What you get is basically your college dorm and meal plan with an upgraded Resident Assistant for your $5k to $7k.

This is what my mom pays in DC proper for a so-so place. Sunrise facilities that I looked at in DC proper are newer than hers, have high buy-ins, and generally higher monthly rates. My mom also has a personal CNA aide that charges about $21/hour. My mom doesn't like to wait for anything, so having her aide means she can get her assistance immediately. A high price to pay for impatience or an unwillingness to plan ahead, but so be it.

That is too bad... we are getting really good care at the nursing home and no waiting. They are really attentive. Food looks bad but MIL loves it. They pay for the medications, but we provide the hygiene (I think they might if we don't but we just provided them) and I have not figured out activities. She would probably be better off at a better nursing home.

It seems like pp's mother is in a assisted living facility. That is different from a nursing home.

In any event, we didn't have to pay any buy-in at Sunrise in VA.

[Anonymous]

If either of your parents were a Veteran who meet the criteria of service and have limited resources, one can apply for the Veteran's long-term benefit which if one qualifies for most is $2,000 a month and then half for the surviving spouse. My friend also said you want to use a lawyer who is familiar with this benefit as a trust of some sort also has to be set up and the application can take a long time.

In general if you know folks may need Medicaid in the future, then you want to transfer assets before 5 years as there is a 5-year Look Back period on such transactions, but if done before then, it is OK>

Also, you may want to ask around what is generally accepted by care places for folks who come in as private pay and then will need Medicaid. About 2 hours out of the DC area, our friend was told that it was 3 years of private pay in evaluating folks in terms of resources and this is a lovely 3-tier place.

In our case we have wonderful long term care insurance for ourselves, but a young adult daughter with a disability who resides with us, and there is very little chance she will get an ID waiver until there is a real crisis as we age out.

Also, our daughter has already gotten the new approach of Managed Care for those on Medicare and Medicaid which I will go to a town meeting to learn about this week. I doubt we will move on it until we see how it is going, but I think it is the wave of the future for all of us.

It just seems unless you have an estate of about $3million+ that one is really hamstrung no matter what your situation. A friend has her Mom in a wonderful assisted living center, but she has dementia and can easily get up and fall as she does not remember she is old. So to prevent this there is a private sitter 24/7 to provide the coverage. There are funds to cover it from a relative's estate, but still will end in 6 years. Mom is 93 - but even in our close circle - do you realize how many parents are now 90 plus. Mine are 92, my husband's mother is sleeping it away at almost 103. And among 3 other couples: one set of parents is 89, one Mom 98 and the one I mentioned 93. No easy answer on what to do.

[Anonymous]

My dad was in Florida, and ended up in the hospital and then a nursing home. The nursing home tried and tried to get us to sign to take on his bills, but I signed nothing. He did go home eventually, but we determined he needed assisted living. We found a place in Florida that he liked that was only about 2 grand a month, with a shared room. We did front the money to get him in , then he applied for a special Veteran's benefit, Aid and Attendance, listed below. It goes for both the vet and his spouse. We applied, and it took a few months, but then we got all the back pay, from the time we applied. So we were able to get the money we paid back, and my father lived there for a year, basically covered by Aid & Attendance.

http://www.veteranaid.org/

Many families overlook the A&A Pension as it pertains to veterans who are still independent, but have an ill spouse. Keep in mind that in this situation, if the spouse's medical expenses completely depletes their combined monthly income, the Veteran can file as a Veteran with a sick spouse.

The Aid and Attendance Benefit is considered to be the third tier of the VA's Improved Pension. The other two tiers are known as "Basic" and "Housebound". Each tier has its own level of benefits and qualifications. While the objective of this site is to disseminate information on the Aid and Attendance level of the Pension, often referred to as A&A, we encourage you to view the other two levels in the event you or your loved one does not qualify for A&A. Click Here for more information about the Basic and Housebound tiers. The Improved Pension is not a new benefit, and has in fact been an entitlement for 61 years sitting idle while millions have and still are missing out on.

Please browse this site using the menu on the left to learn more about the Aid & Attendance Pension, FAQ's, Eligibility Requirements, How to Apply, What to Expect, and Resources to help you with filing for this critical benefit. Our forum offers a wealth of information and insights to the process of filing for Aid and Attendance. Be sure to take advantage of this resource.

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[Anonymous]

Over 6000 per month

[Anonymous]

My father never invested in long-term care. Years later, he was diagnosed with Parkinson's, and over $1m was gone just for in-home care. Mom paid $60K/year for nursing services and of course, there were medical supplies and meds - and trips to the ER.

My husband and I invested shortly after Dad died. There's no way I'm sticking my kids with my health issues.

Anonymous wrote:My elderly cousin who has been paying out of pocket for round the clock at home care is about to run out of all of his assets. I am worried my parents are going to run through their own retirement assets supporting him, which means they will have none for themselves, which means I won't be able to support myself in old age, etc etc.

He gets about two thou a month in SS. He lives with his sister rent free. But he needs nursing care. Would he be eligible for Medicaid nursing home or home health aides?