How to make Christmas Special With Just Immediate Family/Only Teenagers?

[Anonymous]

Ok my family actually hosted a weekly meal for the homeless at a church. They shopped, cooked, served, once a month for years. It was such a big job that took many people, usually our friends and extended family would come help us monthly.

In December we would have a lot of "random" (and by random I mean individuals not affiliated with the church or local clubs or groups) come and want to help. Usually these folks only wanted to serve. Not cook, not clean up. Serve and leave. And we always tried to accommodate (find more opportunities to have them serve- especially parents who wanted their kids to do something) and try to be thankful for the extra help. But it was hard because it was predictably around the holiday and people who seemed to want to get some gratification of "helping people." We didn't resent or make fun. But they weren't as helpful as they thought they were being.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok my family actually hosted a weekly meal for the homeless at a church. They shopped, cooked, served, once a month for years. It was such a big job that took many people, usually our friends and extended family would come help us monthly.

In December we would have a lot of "random" (and by random I mean individuals not affiliated with the church or local clubs or groups) come and want to help. Usually these folks only wanted to serve. Not cook, not clean up. Serve and leave. And we always tried to accommodate (find more opportunities to have them serve- especially parents who wanted their kids to do something) and try to be thankful for the extra help. But it was hard because it was predictably around the holiday and people who seemed to want to get some gratification of "helping people." We didn't resent or make fun. But they weren't as helpful as they thought they were being.

That's all totally understandably. But the bolded is the difference here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Volunteer to help those in need through your church, a food bank or the Salvation Army.

This is funny. I come from a family of real do-gooders. They're at the soup kitchens every Friday through freezing rain and blizzards, etc., etc. Anyway, you should hear how the "real" do-gooders make fun of and resent the "one timers" who come out on Thanksgiving or Christmas.

Really? That is truly ironic. I guess they're not such good people after all. Anyone who would mock another for being moved by a volunteer spirit ANYTIME and for ANY REASON is not a good person.

Oh, they're terrible: 40 years of volunteering through the icy snowy northeastern winters, feeding homeless, working with elderly, always welcoming the poor and blind into our home, tithing more than asked by the church, spending vacations on missions to Haiti (before it was popular to do so), teaching for no pay to cover the cost of one student's tuition. You must be right; they must be bad people.

They may be generous with their time and money, but they do sound miserly in spirit. It's one thing to "do good" toward the poor downtrodden masses unlike you, it's another to have compassion and appreciation for the people who surround you every day. It's rare that "sanctimonious" is properly used on DCUM, but it certainly applies to the people you describe who behave in an (I assume) Christian manner only than feel entitled to mock and judge others who they believe do less than they do.

Well if they're bad, I wish I could be so bad. I'd love to know what you've done lately in terms of sharing your time, money, vacations, holidays, dining table with the truly poor.

It's entirely possible to do all that stuff and still suck as a person. No, really. See, the truly generous spirit would be grateful for anyone moved to charity and kindness, even if it's seasonal, and would do their best to welcome and encourage those people to continue, rather than snickering behind their hands or eye-rolling with the other "saints."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When my siblings and I were teenagers my parents handed over Christmas dinner to us. We were given a budget and the family cookbooks and told to make it work. We had to decide on the menu, bake the desserts, make the dinner the whole shebang. It was empowering to be trusted with this. And it was great adulthood training. We were proud of it too, but it wasn't perfect ( I thought you were supposed to baste with water and just used the squirted from the sink to "baste" the turkey)

+1. My parents did this too. They relaxed while Christmas fell to my brother and I. We really enjoyed it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my siblings and I were teenagers my parents handed over Christmas dinner to us. We were given a budget and the family cookbooks and told to make it work. We had to decide on the menu, bake the desserts, make the dinner the whole shebang. It was empowering to be trusted with this. And it was great adulthood training. We were proud of it too, but it wasn't perfect ( I thought you were supposed to baste with water and just used the squirted from the sink to "baste" the turkey)

+1. My parents did this too. They relaxed while Christmas fell to my brother and I. We really enjoyed it.

I think that is such a neat idea. This year I let the kids decorate the tree and take care of a lot of the inside decorating. They did a good job. I'll have them help make some of the Christmas dinner, too, this year. Maybe put them each in charge of a dish. I've already planned it and I can give them instructions this year. But maybe in a year or two they'll be ready to try it solo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, pp, how do you make Christmas special?

For ourselves, we cook traditional meals on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. In the month before I go around to the farmers' markets and collect the meats, because I like to support local farmers (all year, but particularly during the holidays as they're heading into the lean winter months). I bake and freeze pies ahead of time, and anyone in the family is welcome to join me in making them. Often a friend comes over to help and we share the pies we make. Along these lines, we visit pick-your-own farms through the fall for apples and peaches and I can treats for the holidays (typically cranberry sauce and mincemeat); the kids are more interested in helping prepare and put out the dinner when they have been involved in acquiring the ingredients. We limit the amount we spend for each other, so we also spend some time trying to creatively acquire or make gifts that fall within the defined limits. We also go to events around DC, like another PP mentioned, at the Kennedy Center or embassies. I really like the Revels performance at GW, and the sing-a-long aspect can make it fun (albeit a bit corny) for all ages.

For our friends and neighbors, we have an open-door policy for all of our holiday activities at home. Cookie baking, tree trimming, Christmas Eve and Christmas Day dinners. Our kids are expected to be around for the big ones (they're excused from baking) but their friends are also always welcome. We have a late Christmas Eve tradition, where we eat and sing carols until midnight, so people sometimes stop by after they go to church (or just later in the evening after their dinner). We also go to events that friends invite us to: a holiday house tour, a potluck dinner, and a fair trade gift fair are the few that happen nearly every year.

In terms of our additional charitable behavior around the holidays, we make sure to donate any winter items that we've outgrown early in the fall so that it can be distributed by the time its needed. We purchase gifts for a family at our local battered women's shelter (the kids really like having input into what they think the children in these families would like) and we make additional monetary donations to the Capital Food Bank. We also donate bedding and toiletries to the local churches who have a rotating program to house the homeless through the winter months. On Christmas Eve and Christmas Day we take food to Town Hall for the police officers and public works guys who are on duty, and we donate to the annual fund for their holiday bonuses.

Our family traditions center around sharing food and around being grateful for what we have. We always say a version of grace that thanks all the people who grew and transported the food we're eating and remembers those less fortunate. This is true all year, but we really emphasize how lucky we are to have a warm safe home to celebrate in.

Wow...this sounds amazing. Wish I could stop by!

[Anonymous]

It is kind of weird that this thread has resurfaced for a couple of years, like someone has an ax to grind... but I do remember being sick of all the drama of Christmas. Going a year or two where it was really scaled back because my mother had to work helped me appreciate what she did and start contributing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I felt like a servant to the Holidays. Running around like crazy to make everything perfect. Cooking, cleaning, decorating, gifting. It was all too much, and I was not really making others happy either. They would just sit back and say, "Why are you so unhappy? Mom's mad again" Then I decided, they are not 3 years old anymore and began to assign them some responsibility.

They do not decorate like Martha Stewart, but it is theirs. They are not perfect cooks, but it gets done, and we all enjoy it more. The key is to limit the tasks, let them do it their way, and after they are done, they can just relax. Or we can do a Holiday event. My teenagers are tired. All that school work, activities, sports.
They do many service projects during the year. It is a break for everyone. Hanging out is fine for 10 days or so.
We try not to travel too much during the winter Holidays -- the mark up is just huge.

Never mind all that. We go to a nice resort now. Works perfectly for everyone ?