Anyone else struggle with the veneer of professionalism?

[Anonymous]

^^and I'll add: they were competent and knew what they were doing. Part of that was acting the way they did. They got farther than I did.

[Anonymous]

^^and I'll add that they were competent and knew what they were doing including how they acted. They got to the top positions, and I and many others did not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know I can’t relate. I act professional because it makes it easier for the company to acheive goals when I act like that and I get paid well based on achieving those goals.


I’ll save my pity for people who have to pretend to be cheerful while serving French fries 2,000 times a day for like $12 an hour.

Is not misery Olympics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s an agency director? Is that a Club Fed thing?

PP, not federal, but government. The head of a department. I worked for a few, their deputies, and knew some of their peers from other agencies. A lot of them had MPA degrees, so I guess they planned specifically to be in government administration. I got near their level and wondered if I would have learned their way of dampening their personalities from this degree.

Dampening personalities is a great way of putting it

Depends on your line of work and natural persona

[Anonymous]

I work in a big bank. It is not a good match for me. I speak to the point, without pretense. At work, I need to use empty words because everyone does it.

The level of backstabbing, favoritism, hazing , gaslighting is unreal. It comes from the very top. The company likes to put people against each other and see who survives.

I am burned out. I am exhausted. I also feel like there is a better job out there for me, so I keep my hopes up and look for new opportunities.

[Anonymous]

I struggle with how often people in my corporate job say they are 'excited'. It makes it all seem even more fake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I relate completely, OP!!

To help people understand-for me the problem is having to actively participate in validating an alternate reality that I know is false, but I cannot say it’s false and keep my job. Like having to pretend to believe things that any idiot could know are false. It rots my soul and makes me feel like a bad person.

op - yesssss.

I'll give some more examples: at my work, barely anyone makes small talk ever or laughs or shares something funny or personal that happened to them (not in a forced way, just like human connection. All talk time is used for business but if you are on 7 hours of calls a day I start to sort of unravel - I need to like, feel like a human being for a second.
I could give more examples, but that's a huge one.

I will get flamed for this, but I feel more human at work with my office job. We go in a few days each week and telework the other days. It’s nice to actually physically see and chat with colleagues and leadership again, in person. It’s nice to meet in person in the conference rooms, and get fun treats from our admins like the monthly bday celebrations.

Yes it’s corny but it beats sitting alone working at home all day til my kid gets home, or the juggling I was forced to do during Covid. That felt like Groundhog day, same thing over and over, never ending.

OP have you considered getting an in person role, maybe hybrid? That may help you connect better and enjoy your job again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I struggle with how often people in my corporate job say they are 'excited'. It makes it all seem even more fake.

We’re thrilled! I gag every time I see “thrilled” on LinkedIn. Ugh

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I relate completely, OP!!

To help people understand-for me the problem is having to actively participate in validating an alternate reality that I know is false, but I cannot say it’s false and keep my job. Like having to pretend to believe things that any idiot could know are false. It rots my soul and makes me feel like a bad person.

op - yesssss.

I'll give some more examples: at my work, barely anyone makes small talk ever or laughs or shares something funny or personal that happened to them (not in a forced way, just like human connection. All talk time is used for business but if you are on 7 hours of calls a day I start to sort of unravel - I need to like, feel like a human being for a second.
I could give more examples, but that's a huge one.

I will get flamed for this, but I feel more human at work with my office job. We go in a few days each week and telework the other days. It’s nice to actually physically see and chat with colleagues and leadership again, in person. It’s nice to meet in person in the conference rooms, and get fun treats from our admins like the monthly bday celebrations.

Yes it’s corny but it beats sitting alone working at home all day til my kid gets home, or the juggling I was forced to do during Covid. That felt like Groundhog day, same thing over and over, never ending.

OP have you considered getting an in person role, maybe hybrid? That may help you connect better and enjoy your job again.

op - i have a hybrid job!
it's just the culture of certain companies to be all business all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I work in a big bank. It is not a good match for me. I speak to the point, without pretense. At work, I need to use empty words because everyone does it.

The level of backstabbing, favoritism, hazing , gaslighting is unreal. It comes from the very top. The company likes to put people against each other and see who survives.

I am burned out. I am exhausted. I also feel like there is a better job out there for me, so I keep my hopes up and look for new opportunities.

+1. Certain colleges are like this, as well. The level of unprofessionalism that is blatantly encouraged is mind blowing. Lazy people are coddled and receive training, while the strong, educated employees are left out in the cold. Not too different than Hunger Games - and yes, it absolutely comes from the top. The more toxicity, the more reward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would love to know what PPs feel they can't be candid about.
My experience is that when people say they can't be as candid as they'd like, the things they wish they could say are pretty inappropriate. If being your authentic self means being rude, ageist, dismissive of others, etc., or talking national politics at work, please continue to keep the quiet parts quiet.

+1. I don’t get what angle OP is talking about - her quirky self, fraud at the company, boring AF job, toxic culture workplace, etc.

I ended up on someone's blacklist when I pointed out that some of his direct reports are cutting corners. I was worried about safety issues; he took it personal that these things were happening under his purview. Engineering in a corporate environment. How does one manage people with massive egos?