Right to resent MIL's guest list intrusion?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:We're hosting Easter brunch this year and MIL is being pushy about including my spouse's (adult) step sibblings. Neither my spouse nor I like the step sibblings and they don't particularly seem to like us either (so hopefully they just won't come). I just feel like if we're hosting we should be able to decide the guest list and if she doesn't like it she doesn't have to come. But we'll probably just do it anyway. Not thrilled. Mostly just venting.

I mean, I can understand where she is coming from. But what do you mean when you say she's being pushy? She asked to invite them and... then what?

She asked spouse if they were coming. Spouse deflected till she directly asked if they were invited, and then got upset when the answer was no. Spouse doesn't do well with anyone being upset so wants to just invite to keep the peace and just hope they don't show.

But what do you all normally do? If the Easter tradition is that everyone gets together and you've decided to only invite half the family then you're putting her in an awkward position. Maybe hosting the family isn't for you if you want to draw lines in sand and force the grandparents to choose. So much for peace and renewal and the spirit of Easter.

This. If they are always included you can't just decide you're hosting this year so you can cut off the people you don't care for. I mean you can but that's incredibly rude. If the family is not typically all together then MIL is being obnoxious expecting you to invite them if she doesn't.

Easter is not usually a big thing on either side (most of us aren’t even Christian). Some years we have big gatherings (if mil or my mom host), other years nothing at all, sometimes just a few people.I was excited ab hosting this year bc my son just turned 3 and he’s finally starting to get into holidays. The steps barely acknowledge his existence.

So you're not Christian, but are deciding to host an "Easter brunch" that excludes half the family and you want to show your son how to really get into the holiday by settling scores and shunning certain family members? Well, ok then. Kids are usually more the merrier but I can see you all care more about making a point than family togetherness. Why bother? Just have breakfast on Saturday and only invite MIL.

I want to have a nice family holiday with fun secular easter things with actual family who love and care about my son. Neither spouse nor the step siblings consider each other family, hence why they did not invite us to their recent wedding, which is fine! If they show up, that's nearly half of the whole gathering who don't even acknowledge him (or us).

Cool, they should invite your family for a nice fun secular passover and not invite you.

dp Why are you being so mean? I agree with op. Invite MIL and let her decide if she wants to come or not

I'm sure this has everything to do with keeping the peace with MILs husband. He wants his own children there and won't come if they aren't there. And then MIL will side with her husband and skip. So, OP isn't going to get the idyllic secular Easter she's fantasizing about.

OP here. I honestly would've been fine if MIL/FIL boycotted, a gathering of nine is still nice, especially for the size of our house. But as it turns out, we did extend the invitations to keep the peace and the only one who is apparently coming is the wife of one of the step brothers, go figure. I guess they're having marital problems, and/or she'd rather spend her holiday with us, which is not surprising knowing what I know about her husband. I like her just fine and one extra is managable.

So what was all the fuss about?

I was worried they would actually show up. Since my MIL had to make a fuss about it I the first place.

Asking her son if they were coming is hardly making a fuss. This really had nothing to do with you at all.

…except that I was going to be the one hosting them in my/our house. And it was a bit more than asking spouse if they were coming…

It's pretty clear there is no relationship here. Of course they were never going to come. Have they ever been to your house? Or you to theirs?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:We're hosting Easter brunch this year and MIL is being pushy about including my spouse's (adult) step sibblings. Neither my spouse nor I like the step sibblings and they don't particularly seem to like us either (so hopefully they just won't come). I just feel like if we're hosting we should be able to decide the guest list and if she doesn't like it she doesn't have to come. But we'll probably just do it anyway. Not thrilled. Mostly just venting.

I mean, I can understand where she is coming from. But what do you mean when you say she's being pushy? She asked to invite them and... then what?

She asked spouse if they were coming. Spouse deflected till she directly asked if they were invited, and then got upset when the answer was no. Spouse doesn't do well with anyone being upset so wants to just invite to keep the peace and just hope they don't show.

But what do you all normally do? If the Easter tradition is that everyone gets together and you've decided to only invite half the family then you're putting her in an awkward position. Maybe hosting the family isn't for you if you want to draw lines in sand and force the grandparents to choose. So much for peace and renewal and the spirit of Easter.

This. If they are always included you can't just decide you're hosting this year so you can cut off the people you don't care for. I mean you can but that's incredibly rude. If the family is not typically all together then MIL is being obnoxious expecting you to invite them if she doesn't.

Easter is not usually a big thing on either side (most of us aren’t even Christian). Some years we have big gatherings (if mil or my mom host), other years nothing at all, sometimes just a few people.I was excited ab hosting this year bc my son just turned 3 and he’s finally starting to get into holidays. The steps barely acknowledge his existence.

So you're not Christian, but are deciding to host an "Easter brunch" that excludes half the family and you want to show your son how to really get into the holiday by settling scores and shunning certain family members? Well, ok then. Kids are usually more the merrier but I can see you all care more about making a point than family togetherness. Why bother? Just have breakfast on Saturday and only invite MIL.

I want to have a nice family holiday with fun secular easter things with actual family who love and care about my son. Neither spouse nor the step siblings consider each other family, hence why they did not invite us to their recent wedding, which is fine! If they show up, that's nearly half of the whole gathering who don't even acknowledge him (or us).

Cool, they should invite your family for a nice fun secular passover and not invite you.

dp Why are you being so mean? I agree with op. Invite MIL and let her decide if she wants to come or not

I'm sure this has everything to do with keeping the peace with MILs husband. He wants his own children there and won't come if they aren't there. And then MIL will side with her husband and skip. So, OP isn't going to get the idyllic secular Easter she's fantasizing about.

OP here. I honestly would've been fine if MIL/FIL boycotted, a gathering of nine is still nice, especially for the size of our house. But as it turns out, we did extend the invitations to keep the peace and the only one who is apparently coming is the wife of one of the step brothers, go figure. I guess they're having marital problems, and/or she'd rather spend her holiday with us, which is not surprising knowing what I know about her husband. I like her just fine and one extra is managable.

So what was all the fuss about?

I was worried they would actually show up. Since my MIL had to make a fuss about it I the first place.

Asking her son if they were coming is hardly making a fuss. This really had nothing to do with you at all.

…except that I was going to be the one hosting them in my/our house. And it was a bit more than asking spouse if they were coming…

It's pretty clear there is no relationship here. Of course they were never going to come. Have they ever been to your house? Or you to theirs?

I don't think we can assume anything. People accept and decline for all sorts of reasons, not just prior acquaintanceship.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:We're hosting Easter brunch this year and MIL is being pushy about including my spouse's (adult) step sibblings. Neither my spouse nor I like the step sibblings and they don't particularly seem to like us either (so hopefully they just won't come). I just feel like if we're hosting we should be able to decide the guest list and if she doesn't like it she doesn't have to come. But we'll probably just do it anyway. Not thrilled. Mostly just venting.

I mean, I can understand where she is coming from. But what do you mean when you say she's being pushy? She asked to invite them and... then what?

She asked spouse if they were coming. Spouse deflected till she directly asked if they were invited, and then got upset when the answer was no. Spouse doesn't do well with anyone being upset so wants to just invite to keep the peace and just hope they don't show.

But what do you all normally do? If the Easter tradition is that everyone gets together and you've decided to only invite half the family then you're putting her in an awkward position. Maybe hosting the family isn't for you if you want to draw lines in sand and force the grandparents to choose. So much for peace and renewal and the spirit of Easter.

This. If they are always included you can't just decide you're hosting this year so you can cut off the people you don't care for. I mean you can but that's incredibly rude. If the family is not typically all together then MIL is being obnoxious expecting you to invite them if she doesn't.

Easter is not usually a big thing on either side (most of us aren’t even Christian). Some years we have big gatherings (if mil or my mom host), other years nothing at all, sometimes just a few people.I was excited ab hosting this year bc my son just turned 3 and he’s finally starting to get into holidays. The steps barely acknowledge his existence.

So you're not Christian, but are deciding to host an "Easter brunch" that excludes half the family and you want to show your son how to really get into the holiday by settling scores and shunning certain family members? Well, ok then. Kids are usually more the merrier but I can see you all care more about making a point than family togetherness. Why bother? Just have breakfast on Saturday and only invite MIL.

I want to have a nice family holiday with fun secular easter things with actual family who love and care about my son. Neither spouse nor the step siblings consider each other family, hence why they did not invite us to their recent wedding, which is fine! If they show up, that's nearly half of the whole gathering who don't even acknowledge him (or us).

Cool, they should invite your family for a nice fun secular passover and not invite you.

dp Why are you being so mean? I agree with op. Invite MIL and let her decide if she wants to come or not

I'm sure this has everything to do with keeping the peace with MILs husband. He wants his own children there and won't come if they aren't there. And then MIL will side with her husband and skip. So, OP isn't going to get the idyllic secular Easter she's fantasizing about.

OP here. I honestly would've been fine if MIL/FIL boycotted, a gathering of nine is still nice, especially for the size of our house. But as it turns out, we did extend the invitations to keep the peace and the only one who is apparently coming is the wife of one of the step brothers, go figure. I guess they're having marital problems, and/or she'd rather spend her holiday with us, which is not surprising knowing what I know about her husband. I like her just fine and one extra is managable.

So what was all the fuss about?

I was worried they would actually show up. Since my MIL had to make a fuss about it I the first place.

Asking her son if they were coming is hardly making a fuss. This really had nothing to do with you at all.

…except that I was going to be the one hosting them in my/our house. And it was a bit more than asking spouse if they were coming…

It's pretty clear there is no relationship here. Of course they were never going to come. Have they ever been to your house? Or you to theirs?

I don't think we can assume anything. People accept and decline for all sorts of reasons, not just prior acquaintanceship.

But they weren’t invited to the wedding so seems like a barely there relationship

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We're hosting Easter brunch this year and MIL is being pushy about including my spouse's (adult) step sibblings. Neither my spouse nor I like the step sibblings and they don't particularly seem to like us either (so hopefully they just won't come). I just feel like if we're hosting we should be able to decide the guest list and if she doesn't like it she doesn't have to come. But we'll probably just do it anyway. Not thrilled. Mostly just venting.

I mean, I can understand where she is coming from. But what do you mean when you say she's being pushy? She asked to invite them and... then what?

She asked spouse if they were coming. Spouse deflected till she directly asked if they were invited, and then got upset when the answer was no. Spouse doesn't do well with anyone being upset so wants to just invite to keep the peace and just hope they don't show.

But what do you all normally do? If the Easter tradition is that everyone gets together and you've decided to only invite half the family then you're putting her in an awkward position. Maybe hosting the family isn't for you if you want to draw lines in sand and force the grandparents to choose. So much for peace and renewal and the spirit of Easter.

This. If they are always included you can't just decide you're hosting this year so you can cut off the people you don't care for. I mean you can but that's incredibly rude. If the family is not typically all together then MIL is being obnoxious expecting you to invite them if she doesn't.

Easter is not usually a big thing on either side (most of us aren’t even Christian). Some years we have big gatherings (if mil or my mom host), other years nothing at all, sometimes just a few people.I was excited ab hosting this year bc my son just turned 3 and he’s finally starting to get into holidays. The steps barely acknowledge his existence.

Inviting them = some extra food, extra chairs
Not inviting them = tension between you and your MIL, tension between MIL and her son, tension with your step FIL (who I'm sure you want nothing to do with), and most certainly tension with the "steps."

But hey. They didn't pay enough attention to Larlo so they should be banned from your holidays.

Also, have you considered that they might want to be with their father on this holiday?

When you are hosting, inviting someone you don't connect with at all in a small home is not just extra food and chairs. It's awkward and less enjoyable. Your sarcasm is rude. Hosting is a lot of work and you want to invite people you enjoy, who are genuinely kind and get along well withe eachother. Guests should not dictate a guest list.

[Anonymous]

Here's my 2 cents. Your MIL is rude. Sounds like they are already invited. See if you can get a script for a xanex. Pop one as you prep and deal with these people. When it's over, if it was stressful, inform MIL, you will not be hosting anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's my 2 cents. Your MIL is rude. Sounds like they are already invited. See if you can get a script for a xanex. Pop one as you prep and deal with these people. When it's over, if it was stressful, inform MIL, you will not be hosting anymore.

They were invited and aren't even coming. This was much ado about nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We're hosting Easter brunch this year and MIL is being pushy about including my spouse's (adult) step sibblings. Neither my spouse nor I like the step sibblings and they don't particularly seem to like us either (so hopefully they just won't come). I just feel like if we're hosting we should be able to decide the guest list and if she doesn't like it she doesn't have to come. But we'll probably just do it anyway. Not thrilled. Mostly just venting.

I mean, I can understand where she is coming from. But what do you mean when you say she's being pushy? She asked to invite them and... then what?

She asked spouse if they were coming. Spouse deflected till she directly asked if they were invited, and then got upset when the answer was no. Spouse doesn't do well with anyone being upset so wants to just invite to keep the peace and just hope they don't show.

But what do you all normally do? If the Easter tradition is that everyone gets together and you've decided to only invite half the family then you're putting her in an awkward position. Maybe hosting the family isn't for you if you want to draw lines in sand and force the grandparents to choose. So much for peace and renewal and the spirit of Easter.

This. If they are always included you can't just decide you're hosting this year so you can cut off the people you don't care for. I mean you can but that's incredibly rude. If the family is not typically all together then MIL is being obnoxious expecting you to invite them if she doesn't.

Easter is not usually a big thing on either side (most of us aren’t even Christian). Some years we have big gatherings (if mil or my mom host), other years nothing at all, sometimes just a few people.I was excited ab hosting this year bc my son just turned 3 and he’s finally starting to get into holidays. The steps barely acknowledge his existence.

So you're not Christian, but are deciding to host an "Easter brunch" that excludes half the family and you want to show your son how to really get into the holiday by settling scores and shunning certain family members? Well, ok then. Kids are usually more the merrier but I can see you all care more about making a point than family togetherness. Why bother? Just have breakfast on Saturday and only invite MIL.

I want to have a nice family holiday with fun secular easter things with actual family who love and care about my son. Neither spouse nor the step siblings consider each other family, hence why they did not invite us to their recent wedding, which is fine! If they show up, that's nearly half of the whole gathering who don't even acknowledge him (or us).

Cool, they should invite your family for a nice fun secular passover and not invite you.

dp Why are you being so mean? I agree with op. Invite MIL and let her decide if she wants to come or not

I'm sure this has everything to do with keeping the peace with MILs husband. He wants his own children there and won't come if they aren't there. And then MIL will side with her husband and skip. So, OP isn't going to get the idyllic secular Easter she's fantasizing about.

OP here. I honestly would've been fine if MIL/FIL boycotted, a gathering of nine is still nice, especially for the size of our house. But as it turns out, we did extend the invitations to keep the peace and the only one who is apparently coming is the wife of one of the step brothers, go figure. I guess they're having marital problems, and/or she'd rather spend her holiday with us, which is not surprising knowing what I know about her husband. I like her just fine and one extra is managable.

So what was all the fuss about?

Oh that's a relief. That should be easy enough I hope.

OK people you can stop criticizing OP and getting in a tizzy. She invited and one wife is coming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We're hosting Easter brunch this year and MIL is being pushy about including my spouse's (adult) step sibblings. Neither my spouse nor I like the step sibblings and they don't particularly seem to like us either (so hopefully they just won't come). I just feel like if we're hosting we should be able to decide the guest list and if she doesn't like it she doesn't have to come. But we'll probably just do it anyway. Not thrilled. Mostly just venting.

I mean, I can understand where she is coming from. But what do you mean when you say she's being pushy? She asked to invite them and... then what?

She asked spouse if they were coming. Spouse deflected till she directly asked if they were invited, and then got upset when the answer was no. Spouse doesn't do well with anyone being upset so wants to just invite to keep the peace and just hope they don't show.

But what do you all normally do? If the Easter tradition is that everyone gets together and you've decided to only invite half the family then you're putting her in an awkward position. Maybe hosting the family isn't for you if you want to draw lines in sand and force the grandparents to choose. So much for peace and renewal and the spirit of Easter.

This. If they are always included you can't just decide you're hosting this year so you can cut off the people you don't care for. I mean you can but that's incredibly rude. If the family is not typically all together then MIL is being obnoxious expecting you to invite them if she doesn't.

Easter is not usually a big thing on either side (most of us aren’t even Christian). Some years we have big gatherings (if mil or my mom host), other years nothing at all, sometimes just a few people.I was excited ab hosting this year bc my son just turned 3 and he’s finally starting to get into holidays. The steps barely acknowledge his existence.

So you're not Christian, but are deciding to host an "Easter brunch" that excludes half the family and you want to show your son how to really get into the holiday by settling scores and shunning certain family members? Well, ok then. Kids are usually more the merrier but I can see you all care more about making a point than family togetherness. Why bother? Just have breakfast on Saturday and only invite MIL.

I want to have a nice family holiday with fun secular easter things with actual family who love and care about my son. Neither spouse nor the step siblings consider each other family, hence why they did not invite us to their recent wedding, which is fine! If they show up, that's nearly half of the whole gathering who don't even acknowledge him (or us).

Cool, they should invite your family for a nice fun secular passover and not invite you.

dp Why are you being so mean? I agree with op. Invite MIL and let her decide if she wants to come or not

I'm sure this has everything to do with keeping the peace with MILs husband. He wants his own children there and won't come if they aren't there. And then MIL will side with her husband and skip. So, OP isn't going to get the idyllic secular Easter she's fantasizing about.

OP here. I honestly would've been fine if MIL/FIL boycotted, a gathering of nine is still nice, especially for the size of our house. But as it turns out, we did extend the invitations to keep the peace and the only one who is apparently coming is the wife of one of the step brothers, go figure. I guess they're having marital problems, and/or she'd rather spend her holiday with us, which is not surprising knowing what I know about her husband. I like her just fine and one extra is managable.

So what was all the fuss about?

I was worried they would actually show up. Since my MIL had to make a fuss about it I the first place.

Asking her son if they were coming is hardly making a fuss. This really had nothing to do with you at all.

…except that I was going to be the one hosting them in my/our house. And it was a bit more than asking spouse if they were coming…

It's pretty clear there is no relationship here. Of course they were never going to come. Have they ever been to your house? Or you to theirs?

I don't think we can assume anything. People accept and decline for all sorts of reasons, not just prior acquaintanceship.

But they weren’t invited to the wedding so seems like a barely there relationship

OP is extremely emotionally immature and doesn't understand what you're saying or why her MIL wants them invited knowing that there is almost zero chance they will come.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Extending an invitation to step siblings feels like the lowest bar of decency.

Agreed. Get over it, OP. It's one day. A family holiday. Be annoyed, fine. But that's the business of family. And invite them.