Is it too late to be part of something important?

[Anonymous]

What I hear OP asking for is an “intense” bond with other people. Not necessarily “exclusive” in the snobby sense of excluding others, but in the sense of having the very tight bond that comes from doing something intense together.

Amusingly, I still feel this way 20 years later about the 10+ lawyers I worked with on a massive, four year litigation. It probably sounds nuts - BigLaw is not known for its relationships. But the experience had so many phases, all intense and some quite miserable. But we were all in it together (partners and associates) and bonded hard while navigating ridiculous deadlines, extended travel, all-nighters etc. There were a lot of bad nights, exhaustion, and and interpersonal drama, but also a ton of laughs and in-jokes along the way. And though none of us are in touch regularly, when we do connect, it’s surprisingly deep, fond, and meaningful.

Did our shared experience change the world? Absolutely not. We were not curing cancer, protecting the United States, or even helping a minimally worthy cause.

But it did change US. As individuals and as a group. We experienced something big together, and we grew (and grew close) as a result. Exclusive? Yes, but only in the sense that it was a fixed group - we were our own weird community for those years. But no, in that we weren’t special - so many other people have done similar things - and again, we weren’t exactly healing the world.

OP: It sounds like you need community (i.e. a shared experience) and maybe you’d like it to be intense - so it feels meaningful to you, and so you feel meaningful to others. You don’t have to be young, or brilliant, or famous, or even special to do this. But you have to join a group, and if that one doesn’t work, try another.

So that’s my advice: Join a GROUP that is passionate about something you are passionate about, too.

No need to over-research. If you enjoyed your GAL work, find a GAL group that works together to support each other. Maybe an off-shoot of the training program? Start by contacting them and asking if such a thing exists. Or other groups for people who work in the very hard space of child custody. (Intense work + similarly minded people + opportunity to do something more together.)

Or, as PPs suggested above, a political campaign or even better, voter protection/ election volunteering work! It’s certainly intense, and people involved care A LOT about what they’re doing. No doubt you have a lot to offer, and you would absolutely be involved in something impactful and important. If you do it as part of an organized group, you will grow close to other people, and together you all will remember and be bonded together as a result of the 2024 election.

From there, who knows? Just take it one step at a time. GL!

[Anonymous]

There are churches. Local community organizations, that support kids, the environment, political causes. You are not too old to find people who share dedication to a worthwhile cause.

[Anonymous]

You’re definitely not too old but you’re thinking of it in reverse. First identify HOW you want to give back, then I assure you you can find a community of people dedicated to that service.

Or join something like Kiwanis or Junior League or Shriners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I look back at the friends and family whose lives I envy, and they each one thing - they were a part of something larger than themselves, a group that had kinship-like ties. Whether that was college athletics, the military, even an MLB player, they were part of a "exclusive" community. There's nothing like that for a woman pushing 50, right?

I never thought about it, but guys are far more likely to play on sports teams people actually watch, serve in special military units, become high-power attorneys, surgeons, scientists & otherwise do stuff where they feel extra special in the eyes of others.

Women don’t seem as likely to get in positions where they are put on a pedestal unless they are an Olympic gymnast, pro tennis player, or stripper.

Maybe this is a reason (as James Carville recently said) that women have turned to politics & gotten very aggressive in asserting their views.