Inheritance Question

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If there’s a lawyer as the executor, just talk to them or don’t worry about it.

PS I also think people are being really unfair to the OP. Spouses divvy up financial management responsibilities differently, and she’s also a parent of beneficiaries. Inheritances are like other assets and you have to be diligent.

But I don’t think you should argue with the sister about it because that doesn’t do anything. Just contact the executor and ask for copies of anything you’re entitled to see and/or for a meeting to review.

Last thing, it’s really helpful imo to share the details of your estate plan and the documents with your adult children. There’s no reason why anyone needs to be in the dark unless they’re in a personal crisis or something. Just because inheritance involves someone dying doesn’t mean it needs to be secretive.

I totally agree with this. Some people feel very awkward about money and some people don’t want a large inheritance to influence their children’s’ work ethics. I understand the latter as a parent myself but it’s short sighted and creates a lot of confusion.

OP, your husband did you a disservice by asking you to fill in for him on the call. If my husband had asked me to do that I would have told him that he needed to be on the call and that if he couldn’t make it he should ask for it to be rescheduled. Your husband should call the lawyer and ask if he is confused. My husband’s parents have a large estate worth millions and even though they have included me in some discussions about it I make a point to let my husband ask questions. I may say “you should ask XYZ because of ABC” but I don’t ask myself and I would never get on a call in his place.

I understand some would not include want to discuss it with their in-laws but we aren’t like that. He’s just as included in my family and my husband writes my mother’s bills for her because her eyes are bad. I have been included in the estate planning for years. They have given me a check for the tax gift exemption along with my husband and two children every year for 20 years. When the federal tax estate was temporarily repealed around 2010 they gave us $400,000 (both our names). When the estate tax returned they went back to the estate gift tax exemption every year and gave each of us a separate check.

I explained to him about the marital bypass trust and the family trust will be partially funded as soon as they gather the assets. His sister tells him the opposite which is why he’s confused.

I know I’m right but I was hoping there might be experts who could chime in. Not so many know nothings talking about greed and leave it to my husband like it’s 1955. Thank you for the posters who tried to help in a civil way.

But this is not a 1955 thing. This is just a family dynamic/knowing your place thing. If the tables were turned and your husband were writing this everyone would say the same thing to him.

[Anonymous]

OP - YOU don't say anything. Not your family. Not your place. DH only discusses with his family.

[Anonymous]

If your SIL has had the opportunity to talk to the executor (I am assuming by herself based on your initial post) then your DH should also be able to discuss with the executor by himself, thereby avoiding any potential blow up.

Also, if you were on a conference call with executor and SIL, and you said monies should be available as soon as the trust is funded, what did the executor say? Or was this a conference call with SIL only.

Whatever the case, since there is clearly confusion on what is going to happen, at the very least there should be another conference call on which executor is included so this specifically can be addressed.

No attorney on DCUM can say for sure without seeing the documents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

The surviving spouse has enough of her own money to survive a lifetime. The dad wanted to leave the children and grandchildren his estate. But he lived in Massachusetts and the estate tax starts at a ridiculously low $2 million dollars.

While Massachusetts has an estate tax threshold much lower than the federal government, for large estates there is still a very strong reason to wait to bequeath assets until the second spouse dies to save on federal estate taxes.

That’s when the generation skipping trust comes in with the second spouse’s estate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your SIL has had the opportunity to talk to the executor (I am assuming by herself based on your initial post) then your DH should also be able to discuss with the executor by himself, thereby avoiding any potential blow up.

Also, if you were on a conference call with executor and SIL, and you said monies should be available as soon as the trust is funded, what did the executor say? Or was this a conference call with SIL only.

Whatever the case, since there is clearly confusion on what is going to happen, at the very least there should be another conference call on which executor is included so this specifically can be addressed.

No attorney on DCUM can say for sure without seeing the documents.

Regarding your first paragraph that’s exactly what they are doing. The attorney/executor wants to talk to my husband if he has any questions. I told him that’s a good idea because he is thinking his sister will be taking money from her mother who is no longer competent because of Alzheimer’s.

I did ask the attorney and he agreed and explained that the investment firm will be funding the trusts to be available as soon as they’re done.

Another reason for not transferring all assets to the spouse is the sister and one of her children have been 100% supported by their father / grandfather. She has a slight intellectual disability and her son is a deadbeat. He wouldn’t leave them with no means of support and he would make it fair to all family members.

The Trusts are pretty basic and straightforward. Thank you for understanding.

[Anonymous]

OP is not greedy. She wants to know. That's different.

However OP, you have to be super careful how you come across to your in-laws. Trust is fundamental. Don't give an impression you don't want to give.

But I would make incredibly sure I know what's going on, personally. So your husband has to get all the paperwork and you two have to trust, but verify.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your SIL has had the opportunity to talk to the executor (I am assuming by herself based on your initial post) then your DH should also be able to discuss with the executor by himself, thereby avoiding any potential blow up.

Also, if you were on a conference call with executor and SIL, and you said monies should be available as soon as the trust is funded, what did the executor say? Or was this a conference call with SIL only.

Whatever the case, since there is clearly confusion on what is going to happen, at the very least there should be another conference call on which executor is included so this specifically can be addressed.

No attorney on DCUM can say for sure without seeing the documents.

Regarding your first paragraph that’s exactly what they are doing. The attorney/executor wants to talk to my husband if he has any questions. I told him that’s a good idea because he is thinking his sister will be taking money from her mother who is no longer competent because of Alzheimer’s.

I did ask the attorney and he agreed and explained that the investment firm will be funding the trusts to be available as soon as they’re done.

Another reason for not transferring all assets to the spouse is the sister and one of her children have been 100% supported by their father / grandfather. She has a slight intellectual disability and her son is a deadbeat. He wouldn’t leave them with no means of support and he would make it fair to all family members.

The Trusts are pretty basic and straightforward. Thank you for understanding.

I am incredibly confused what your question even is. You originally asked if you were right about how the trusts work, but now you say they are basic and straightforward, and you know you are right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
OP is not greedy. She wants to know. That's different.

However OP, you have to be super careful how you come across to your in-laws. Trust is fundamental. Don't give an impression you don't want to give.

But I would make incredibly sure I know what's going on, personally. So your husband has to get all the paperwork and you two have to trust, but verify.

Sadly my father-in-law died and my mother-in-law has Alzheimer’s. We have always had a close trusting relationship. Good advice, thanks

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your SIL has had the opportunity to talk to the executor (I am assuming by herself based on your initial post) then your DH should also be able to discuss with the executor by himself, thereby avoiding any potential blow up.

Also, if you were on a conference call with executor and SIL, and you said monies should be available as soon as the trust is funded, what did the executor say? Or was this a conference call with SIL only.

Whatever the case, since there is clearly confusion on what is going to happen, at the very least there should be another conference call on which executor is included so this specifically can be addressed.

No attorney on DCUM can say for sure without seeing the documents.

Regarding your first paragraph that’s exactly what they are doing. The attorney/executor wants to talk to my husband if he has any questions. I told him that’s a good idea because he is thinking his sister will be taking money from her mother who is no longer competent because of Alzheimer’s.

I did ask the attorney and he agreed and explained that the investment firm will be funding the trusts to be available as soon as they’re done.

Another reason for not transferring all assets to the spouse is the sister and one of her children have been 100% supported by their father / grandfather. She has a slight intellectual disability and her son is a deadbeat. He wouldn’t leave them with no means of support and he would make it fair to all family members.

The Trusts are pretty basic and straightforward. Thank you for understanding.

I am incredibly confused what your question even is. You originally asked if you were right about how the trusts work, but now you say they are basic and straightforward, and you know you are right.

I wanted confirmation so I can stop doubting myself every time I talk to my sister in law. I have a better relationship with my sil than my husband does. He is cruel to her and I’m embarrassed to write that but he goes too far. He thinks she misinforming him on purpose.

I’m surprised how many replies were from people who don’t know anything about estate planning. And mean spirited too.