PSA. Your child's sarcasm isn't cute.

[Anonymous]

I used to be a veritable tap of sarcastic commentary.

Then a very good friend told me - yes, people will laugh when you say something sarcastic and funny. But they won't want to be your friend or get close to you because they will always be mindful that you can direct sarcasm against them. No one wants someone like that. Sarcastic is too close to unkind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First of all, there is a broad spectrum of sarcasm (caustic/mean to light hearted and funny). So, it's hard to tell what you even mean in this post.

But I firmly believe that you do your kid a major disservice in life not to teach them how to be sarcastic at some level. It's a very useful tool in life and people who do not use or understand it are socially awkward.

No one ever gets into trouble or behaves in a socially awkward manner through NOT being sarcastic.

On the other hand, sarcasm offers much more potential for getting into awkward situations and turning people off you.

Not being sarcastic is a risk free proposition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First of all, there is a broad spectrum of sarcasm (caustic/mean to light hearted and funny). So, it's hard to tell what you even mean in this post.

But I firmly believe that you do your kid a major disservice in life not to teach them how to be sarcastic at some level. It's a very useful tool in life and people who do not use or understand it are socially awkward.

No one ever gets into trouble or behaves in a socially awkward manner through NOT being sarcastic.

On the other hand, sarcasm offers much more potential for getting into awkward situations and turning people off you.

Not being sarcastic is a risk free proposition.

Totally disagree. I honestly think you don't fully understand what it is. Sarcasm brings much needed levity to many situations and can be a very effective form of communication. It's sometimes a minefield to offer direct feedback in relationships (especially at work), even when it's necessary. Sarcasm offers a way to do it in a humorous, lower stakes way. It has been effective for me many, many times. Some of my best friendships/co-working relationships started with a sarcastic remark.

And as an example, there is a woman in our friend group who does just not detect sarcasm. So she ends up taking everything literally and responds to sarcasm with patronizing, awkward corrections when the other person was just being sarcastic/ironic. It's so brutal to watch and frustrating to be on the other end. And also, there is no way to form relationships with other people without some risk. That's silly.

[Anonymous]

I would also really like an example of clever sarcasm that a child can deliver without coming off as offputting or rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First of all, there is a broad spectrum of sarcasm (caustic/mean to light hearted and funny). So, it's hard to tell what you even mean in this post.

But I firmly believe that you do your kid a major disservice in life not to teach them how to be sarcastic at some level. It's a very useful tool in life and people who do not use or understand it are socially awkward.

No one ever gets into trouble or behaves in a socially awkward manner through NOT being sarcastic.

On the other hand, sarcasm offers much more potential for getting into awkward situations and turning people off you.

Not being sarcastic is a risk free proposition.

Totally disagree. I honestly think you don't fully understand what it is. Sarcasm brings much needed levity to many situations and can be a very effective form of communication. It's sometimes a minefield to offer direct feedback in relationships (especially at work), even when it's necessary. Sarcasm offers a way to do it in a humorous, lower stakes way. It has been effective for me many, many times. Some of my best friendships/co-working relationships started with a sarcastic remark.

And as an example, there is a woman in our friend group who does just not detect sarcasm. So she ends up taking everything literally and responds to sarcasm with patronizing, awkward corrections when the other person was just being sarcastic/ironic. It's so brutal to watch and frustrating to be on the other end. And also, there is no way to form relationships with other people without some risk. That's silly.

I do.

It can do all these things but it can also blow back at you if done poorly. It requires a finely tuned assessment of the situation as well as social hierarchy of the moment. There are many ways to do it wrong. From the risk perspective, not doing it is safer. There is no downside to not ever being sarcastic.

The woman in your example does not speak to the situation at hand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was talking to my kid via text earlier today about ordering food and I asked her if she wanted me to order her a cookie. She responded no I hate happiness no cookie for me.

Do you think that isn’t cute? I thought it was adorable. I got 2 cookies - one for her lunch tomorrow because she hates happiness so much

For those asking for an example, here is one from a PP. PP, this is cute between parent and child. However, if my child said this to a teacher or another adult, I'd be mortified. Most other adults will just want to hear "yes please!" in that situation.

[Anonymous]

There is a difference between the sort of sarcasm that puts a person down or makes a joke at their expense and the kind which adds levity by making a cute observation about the situation. I love good sarcasm but not when it makes another person feel bad …

[Anonymous]

DH and I are way too sarcastic and it’s rubbed off on our kids.

When my 8yo starts screeching and whining and having a meltdown, I might put up my feet and say- “they’d nothing like relaxing to the sounds of your children screaming after a long day at work!”

And when my kid goes off to school, they go “bye mom, Can’t wait to go torture myself with another day at school!”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid with ADHD was quite the talker pre-medication. He got in trouble in kindergarten for something. I was coming to pick him up so the principal brought me into her office while my son was there. She said he was going to get lunch detention for his infraction and he didn't say anything. She repeated it and he still just sat there. She said, " You seem indifferent to what I'm saying. Do you know what indifferent means?" Without missing a beat, he said "I don't care." Lol. We both had to turn sideways so he wouldn't see us smiling.

This isn't the charming example of how hilarious your child's sarcasm is. And as someone with ADHD you do your child no favors by excusing and laughing at poor behavior

Found the principal in our group! PP, I enjoyed this and could think they might have been DS' (blessed with ADHD too) principal also.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I used to be a veritable tap of sarcastic commentary.

Then a very good friend told me - yes, people will laugh when you say something sarcastic and funny. But they won't want to be your friend or get close to you because they will always be mindful that you can direct sarcasm against them. No one wants someone like that. Sarcastic is too close to unkind.

So you were a tap of sarcasm, yet you had a "very good friend" who told you "no one wants someone like that." That seems contradictory.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are way too sarcastic and it’s rubbed off on our kids.

When my 8yo starts screeching and whining and having a meltdown, I might put up my feet and say- “they’d nothing like relaxing to the sounds of your children screaming after a long day at work!”

And when my kid goes off to school, they go “bye mom, Can’t wait to go torture myself with another day at school!”

LOL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wit and sarcasm are not the same thing.

Wit can be positive and uplifting to people.

Sarcasm is nearly always negative, designed to cut people down.

Agree. I love someone with a droll/deadpan sense of humor. That's not sarcasm though.

[Anonymous]

Sarcasm is the lowest form of humor

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sarcasm is the lowest form of humor

You're right, sarcasm definitely comes below farts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid with ADHD was quite the talker pre-medication. He got in trouble in kindergarten for something. I was coming to pick him up so the principal brought me into her office while my son was there. She said he was going to get lunch detention for his infraction and he didn't say anything. She repeated it and he still just sat there. She said, " You seem indifferent to what I'm saying. Do you know what indifferent means?" Without missing a beat, he said "I don't care." Lol. We both had to turn sideways so he wouldn't see us smiling.

This isn't the charming example of how hilarious your child's sarcasm is. And as someone with ADHD you do your child no favors by excusing and laughing at poor behavior

+1. This was just rude. You and your kid. WOW.