Restorative justice – looking for tips on good experiences with it -

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PSA on the term “bullying”. Run of the mill meanness is *not* bullying. Bullying is a repeated abuse of power.

https://www.ncab.org.au/bullying-advice/bullying-for-parents/definition-of-bullying/

Apologies for interrupting the regularly scheduled programming, but the term “bullying” is way overused these days. Carry on.

+1

Agree.

Parents who were ignored back in the day (by their OWN PARENTS, BTW) - are feeling "empowered" to report FALSE information - ie: "turn in" other kids.

Watch it. Be very careful, be very aware. The person you may be shooting might be - your very own foot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PSA on the term “bullying”. Run of the mill meanness is *not* bullying. Bullying is a repeated abuse of power.

https://www.ncab.org.au/bullying-advice/bullying-for-parents/definition-of-bullying/

Apologies for interrupting the regularly scheduled programming, but the term “bullying” is way overused these days. Carry on.

Girl got shoved three times and said Stop each time, the fourth push she said Stop it are you stupid? And pushing bully took her to the RJ session for saying the word stupid.

The RJ session empowered the bully. And everyone in the class and recess saw it play out and that the bully won.

Power and control enabled by RJ.

Meanwhile the teachers are coached to tell concerned parents that all the kids are nice kids.

DP here.

THIS.

Lemme guess. FCPS?

Knew mom of four boys who knew the FCPS trope backward and forward and talked her way out of a physical assault. Nope, make that TWO physical assaults. BOTH caught on camera!

Parents should know. Lawyer up and take FCPS to task. They deserve it. As a taxpayer, I say make them pay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Might be useful in ECE. In upper ES and beyond it does not work. Kids need boundaries and consequences. When there are no real consequences they figure it out real quick. A conversation about how they made someone feel and having to apologize is not a consequence.

+1

+1

That's not what happens in appropriately used restorative justice.

[Anonymous]

RJ is great…for the perpetrator - and those who just don’t want to deal with consequences. In our family (my siblings/parents not my kids/DH) one brother stole money from my sister and put her in a compromised position at her job because of it. Things really spiraled for sister. Rather than see the truth of the situation, my parents, wanted my sister to just ‘move on’ with no consequences to a-hole brother and the one brother who is so holier than thou for every other situation found it inconvenient to side with sister so instead started insisting on the healing power of restorative justice. What that ended up in practice was ‘all is forgiven’ (forgotten!!!) for my brother’s evil and my sister was cast as breaking up the family because she was unhappy. The ‘work’ of RJ never happened-just head in the sand. distanced myself from parents and me, sister and another brother see each other but the three of us and our families will not go to any family events where those two brothers might be. They’re the golden children in parents eyes and we ‘just can’t let it go.’

[Anonymous]

The community circles at my local middle school and high school really depend on but in from staff and students. They have not worked well in most classrooms so far. RJ was not supposed to be a replacement for consequences. It is meant as a way to restore relationships after consequences are applied. Most schools don’t have the right training, time and buy in to make it work in my experience, especially if the school throws it into some weird advisory period. As a teacher I have never been invited to a restorative meeting. I think excluding teachers is a huge problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As far as I can tell, it mainly serves as a way to revictimize the victim - there is absolutely no empowerment.

The perpetrator continues, just a little more sneakily.

I finally had to go in to the school and demand that the other child be kept away from my child if the school could not guarantee their protection outside of the classroom (recess, bathrooms, lunchroom, etc.). They complied, but the school still did not actually punish the perpetrator.

This mirrors our experience.

[Anonymous]

It is a major increase on the workload of teachers and administrators. There are many other indicators it is not the correct approach for most schools.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/between-the-lines/201903/nine-criticisms-school-restorative-justice

[Anonymous]

This thread is so sad. I was reading because as a Girl Scout leader I am always looking for ways to address and improve conflicts between the kids. Often kids are just kind of naturally narcissistic and don’t think about the consequences of their actions on others. Many do feel bad when they are faced with it, and put in a place of empathy. But it’s so hard to do that without the kids getting defensive and locking down or lashing out in response. It’s a very human impulse to strike back of you feel cornerned and I think that often happens with RJ.
Also agree that it’s not useful in every situation. But it would be wonderful if there was more training about how and when it can be used effectively.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Might be useful in ECE. In upper ES and beyond it does not work. Kids need boundaries and consequences. When there are no real consequences they figure it out real quick. A conversation about how they made someone feel and having to apologize is not a consequence.

+1

+1

That's not what happens in appropriately used restorative justice.

Successful restorative justice in schools is just unicorns and leprechauns.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Restorative justice seems like it offers many rewards – but is that only in theory?

I seek instances were restorative justice was particularly helpful; and what was it that made it so –

There are many factors that vary, for instance do parents/guardians need to be there in order to make it work? If parents and guardians are not present, is it really restorative justice - or just students in an office being told to say sorry.

Does someone have an experience where the bullying ("You're stupid and ugly”)/hitting/pushing/kicking actually diminished after a restorative justice circle?

It does but anything new or different is threatening to the far-right extremists.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Restorative justice seems like it offers many rewards – but is that only in theory?

I seek instances were restorative justice was particularly helpful; and what was it that made it so –

There are many factors that vary, for instance do parents/guardians need to be there in order to make it work? If parents and guardians are not present, is it really restorative justice - or just students in an office being told to say sorry.

Does someone have an experience where the bullying ("You're stupid and ugly”)/hitting/pushing/kicking actually diminished after a restorative justice circle?

It does but anything new or different is threatening to the far-right extremists.

Please stop it with the partisanship. Lots of independents, moderates, liberals, conservatives and far-left extremists also have concerns and those concerns are valid. While ot is likely a useful tool for handling minor issues like teasing it is not appropriate for more serious transgressions.

[Anonymous]

MCPS is currently evaluating its restorative justice program, and it hasn't been good.

https://moco360.media/2023/02/28/mcps-students-data-suggest-failing-grade-for-restorative-justice-practices/

Here's a discussion thread for it.

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1116180.page

RJ is just too hard to implement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is so sad. I was reading because as a Girl Scout leader I am always looking for ways to address and improve conflicts between the kids. Often kids are just kind of naturally narcissistic and don’t think about the consequences of their actions on others. Many do feel bad when they are faced with it, and put in a place of empathy. But it’s so hard to do that without the kids getting defensive and locking down or lashing out in response. It’s a very human impulse to strike back of you feel cornerned and I think that often happens with RJ.
Also agree that it’s not useful in every situation. But it would be wonderful if there was more training about how and when it can be used effectively.

And it would be great if the focus could be more on the victim and restoring the victim, rather than always focusing on the aggressor. Like you just did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Might be useful in ECE. In upper ES and beyond it does not work. Kids need boundaries and consequences. When there are no real consequences they figure it out real quick. A conversation about how they made someone feel and having to apologize is not a consequence.

+1

+1

That's not what happens in appropriately used restorative justice.

It's like communism; everyone just "does it wrong" but the concept is solid, right?

[Anonymous]

I feel like RJ can potentially work, but to do it right you need specialized facilitators who are experts at navigating conflict. Those people are uncommon and not cheap, and you probably need at least one per school.

If you can’t pull that off then it’s probably not worth trying RJ. All that funding on consultants and training could be better spent on just hiring more teachers and reducing class sizes.