Does etiquette dictate that I should go to this funeral?

[Anonymous]

Husband's ex wife (my step children's mom) has died. Her kids are of course going, but I feel like there is some awkwardness regarding me (the 2nd wife). FWIW, the split between my DH and her was generally amicable and they split 27 yrs ago. He met me 2 yrs later so there is no AP drama. I just feel like her family is going to be looking at me like I'm a terrible person, my daughter would also be attending with me. What do you suggest. Should we sit in the last row of the church and avoid going to the repast?

[Anonymous]

Go, sit towards the back, and skip the repast. It was 27 years ago, and she was important to your stepchildren.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go, sit towards the back, and skip the repast. It was 27 years ago, and she was important to your stepchildren.

+1

[Anonymous]

I think funerals are okay to avoid. Who really wants to go to one anyway? It's not like you were close. Reserve funerals for your own loved ones.

[Anonymous]

Funerals are for the living. You go to a funeral to show support for the surviving family members. If it is important for your stepchildren to have you there providing your support you go. If it would be disruptive for the family to have the second wife there or if the stepchildren would prefer to honor their mother without you, you stay home and send your polite condolences.

If you aren't sure, have your husband feel out how the children would feel if you attended.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go, sit towards the back, and skip the repast. It was 27 years ago, and she was important to your stepchildren.

You should check your tone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go, sit towards the back, and skip the repast. It was 27 years ago, and she was important to your stepchildren.

You should check your tone.

What problem do you have with PP's tone?

[Anonymous]

What was your relationship like with her?

What would your step children want?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go, sit towards the back, and skip the repast. It was 27 years ago, and she was important to your stepchildren.

You should check your tone.

You are way out of line pp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What was your relationship like with her?

What would your step children want?

I occasionally went to spend time with her over the past year and helped take care of her when her home health aide wouldn't show up and the rest of her family wasn't around to care for her. She had cancer and also sometimes I would give her a ride to chemo appointments and clean up her house while she was away because she was usually too tired to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What was your relationship like with her?

What would your step children want?

I occasionally went to spend time with her over the past year and helped take care of her when her home health aide wouldn't show up and the rest of her family wasn't around to care for her. She had cancer and also sometimes I would give her a ride to chemo appointments and clean up her house while she was away because she was usually too tired to do it.

You should go.

I had a friend in your position almost a year ago, except the kids were younger. Still Elementary School aged. My friend went to the funeral. She held one of the kids on her knee.

Another friend with an adult step child also went to his mother's funeral. She wouldn't hear of missing it - her step son wanted/needed her support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What was your relationship like with her?

What would your step children want?

I occasionally went to spend time with her over the past year and helped take care of her when her home health aide wouldn't show up and the rest of her family wasn't around to care for her. She had cancer and also sometimes I would give her a ride to chemo appointments and clean up her house while she was away because she was usually too tired to do it.

If you were close enough to do that for her when she was living, then you're close enough to attend the funeral.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What was your relationship like with her?

What would your step children want?

I occasionally went to spend time with her over the past year and helped take care of her when her home health aide wouldn't show up and the rest of her family wasn't around to care for her. She had cancer and also sometimes I would give her a ride to chemo appointments and clean up her house while she was away because she was usually too tired to do it.

If you were close enough to do that for her when she was living, then you're close enough to attend the funeral.

Absolutely. Surprised you are even asking given this additional information. And how on earth could her family give you the stink eye if you were helping like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What was your relationship like with her?

What would your step children want?

I occasionally went to spend time with her over the past year and helped take care of her when her home health aide wouldn't show up and the rest of her family wasn't around to care for her. She had cancer and also sometimes I would give her a ride to chemo appointments and clean up her house while she was away because she was usually too tired to do it.

You should go.

If the family has a problem with someone who helped care for their ailing loved one attending the issue is their's alone.

Sorry for your loss.

[Anonymous]

Stop making this about you. You go to the funereal to support your step kids and DH.