What exactly is the problem with "over-programmed" kids?

[Anonymous]

My DH is giving me a hard time telling me that I am "over-programming" and "over-scheduling" the kids. I feel like I am helping turn them into well rounded kids, with music, and sports, and other such endeavors. It also keeps them out of trouble in my book.

Your take?

[Anonymous]

Over-programmed kids don't learn to take care of themselves as well because everything is put in front of them. They don't kearn to be self-sufficient, invent their own games, settle disputes with each other. Obviously this is a generalization and depends on the degree of scheduling. Think of it as the child equivalent of being "book smart".

[Anonymous]

Everyone has their own opinion on this. Mine is that children need plenty of "down time" where they're not in structured, planned activities that are directed by an adult. I think the down time helps kids learn to be imaginative -- to come up with creative play ideas on their own and to become somewhat self-directed in entertaining themselves.

My other concern about kids being over-programmed is that it's actually very stressful for some people to be "on the go" all the time. While plenty of people thrive on constant activity, many others get stressed and anxious without quiet/alone time. I think this relates to pretty core personality traits -- being an introvert/extrovert and being structured/unstructured about time. The key is to know your children and tailor their schedules to them as much as possible -- not just to your personality.

I'm sure there are plenty of child psychologists and authors who've weighed in on this subject, as well.

[Anonymous]

There was a US News and World Report (or something of that ilk) article many years ago which seem to suggest that "over-programmed" kids actually turned out to be very well rounded and well adjusted kids. Does anyone remember seeing this or similar articles?

[Anonymous]

Here's where to look for your answer:

a) Are you pulling your children away from fun, creative endeavors in order to do the next scheduled thing?

b) Are your children craving down-time? Or are they unable to cope with any down time?

c) Why are you sure your kids would be in trouble if left to their own devices?

d) Do your kids show signs of needing more sleep?

e) Are you asking them to do homework when tired?

f) Do they ever have play dates, or is there just no time?

I can't give you answers about the difference between "full life" and over-scheduled" - it varies by kid. I personally couldn't have coped (nor my child) with interactive activities every day of the week. So, if your answers to the above suggest your kids are less happy than they could be, then pull back.

[Anonymous]

From the studies I've read (can't quote them, they were references from NPR), there is a theory that kids actually learn a lot from free-play and that this lack of free play harms their ability to think for themselves. The idea is that because they spend so much time in structured evironments, they are constantly being told "do this now, do this now, do this now" that they don't develop independent thinking. There was also something about the importance of learning to get along with others without being in a structured environment (i.e. - how to act around other kids, learning to deal with peer pressure, learning how to take turns when an adult isn't around).

I'm not saying any of this is true, again, I did a lot of random reading and can't direct you back to any specifid articles, but it did resonate with me and I plan to make sure my kid has lots of free time.

[Anonymous]

I totally agree with 14:19!

I think that sometimes, when kids are involved in too many activities, they feel compelled to excel at ALL of them, which can lead to stress (even at such a young age).

My personal philosophy is to expose them to different types of activities, but let them choose one or two they really love to do, whether they are good at them or not. My son played t-ball this year. I got the sense that he didn't really dig it - he sometimes complained when he had practice or games. I made sure he finished out the season, but next season we're going to give t-ball a break and try something else.

A second philosophy I have is that I'm not going to let my kids' activities rule our family life. We tend to go out of town on weekends to visit family and friends, so we're probably not going to sign the kids up for club soccer or any of that because family takes priority.

Lastly, I honestly believe in down time - it helps stimulate the mind. While I love my job and the activities I do, I absolutely relish the time I have to sit by myself and read or go shopping.

[Anonymous]

I believe that over-programmed kids become restless adults.

I know that children need to discover their own passions, and not be driven from one thing to another.

I suspect that severely over-programmed kids begin to act ADD'ish as teenagers, because their baseline is constant activity.

And I wonder if a little boredom might not be a neccessary ingredient for imagination.....

[Anonymous]

My kids are too young to be over programmed or under programmed. But here's a question, doesn't it depend on the child?

[Anonymous]

14:19 here to 16:51: Yes, exactly. That's why I didn't answer my own questions. Homework gets thrown into the mix soon enough, and good study habits take work to develop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone has their own opinion on this. Mine is that children need plenty of "down time" where they're not in structured, planned activities that are directed by an adult. I think the down time helps kids learn to be imaginative -- to come up with creative play ideas on their own and to become somewhat self-directed in entertaining themselves.

My other concern about kids being over-programmed is that it's actually very stressful for some people to be "on the go" all the time. While plenty of people thrive on constant activity, many others get stressed and anxious without quiet/alone time. I think this relates to pretty core personality traits -- being an introvert/extrovert and being structured/unstructured about time. The key is to know your children and tailor their schedules to them as much as possible -- not just to your personality.

I'm sure there are plenty of child psychologists and authors who've weighed in on this subject, as well.

I agree, I think a lot depends on the child here, too. I personally need a lot of down time. So far, so does my son. My brother on the other hand, thrived in being in a million activities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are too young to be over programmed or under programmed. But here's a question, doesn't it depend on the child?

Sure. But I think there has been a general trend to have kids involved in numerous outside activities - since "everybody" does it, then "everybody else" feels compelled to do it too, whether it's right for their family or not.

IMO, I think the OP's husband perhaps is questioning why he has to spend time with the kids on their terms instead of the family's terms.

[Anonymous]

Here are some of the great NPR stories about the importance of free play:

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=89511072

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=73598288

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=19212514

[Anonymous]

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=the-serious-need-for-play

[Anonymous]

Kids today have very little free-time. NPR had this discussion a few months back where they said something like a 5 year old today is on the level of a 3 year old 60 years ago. They said that school success (and gen. success in life) comes from the ability to 'self-regulate' and that kids learn this through unstructured, unregulated play. I do think kids are 100% overscheduled...kids go from daycare all day or all day school to ballet class, art class, soccer, etc. sometimes filling every single afternoon with activities.

I tell you my child is prob. the only kid in his NW preschool that just goes and plays in the park or backyard or house after school. I am bombarded with requests for him to join 'abracodoodle, gymnastics, etc, etc' with his friends at school. now what I do notice is that my sons have an uncanny ability to play by themselves without needed constant adult interaction/stimulation. My oldest at 3.5 will loose himself in imaginative play,,,the 14month old looks at picture books..when other adults are over they leave me the hell alone while their friends are begging mommy to play every 5 seconds and high pitch whining if they don't. I always get asked how my kids are so calm and relaxed...i'm a total type A so it's not my genetics but i really think it has a lot to do with the pace my husband and I set for them. We aren't jam pack every single minute of after school and weekends with activities, trips, etc...

kids brains and imaginations need some time away from this crazy hectic pace. Just my 2 cents. and before someone blasts me...thisis what a teacher told me "Your child can always find something to entertain himself so what happens is every kid in the class will migrate over towards him because he is always having fun and then they want to do what he's doing'. He is a very social kid with lots of friends but after a full day of preschool he is thankful to have some downtime with his own things in his own home.