Crunch Time: Pre-K or K?

[Anonymous]

I have to make a decision whether to send my son to K or pre-K next week (at the same school). He did fine on their entrance test and was deemed by the school to be "ready for kindergarten," but, with a late summer birthday, he would be one of the youngest, if not the youngest, boy in K. He would not be alone age-wise in pre-K, as there would be spring and summer birthdays in his class. Academically, he is what I would call very bright, and I think I am being objective. He has caught on to reading and math very quickly and has an impressive memory. He is not super, super accelerated, but I would guess that his academic skills are roughly at a first grade level? Maybe end of first grade? His handwriting and fine motor skills, though, are not outstanding. In terms of size, he has always been big for his age. Since he is young for grade, though, I don't think he would stand out as being "big" among other kindergarteners, but he might with the pre-K class (and then next year in K). Socially, he is very outgoing and thrives off of interaction with peers. He is very energetic and active and just a bundle of energy, but concentrates well when he is interested. Maturity-wise, I wouldn't say that he is particularly mature or immature. Hopefully his maturity is on par for his age, but he does still have meltdowns/tantrums and is what I would call both exuberant and intense. Probably his maturity level is what keeps me from fully deciding that I will just go forward with K. I keep hearing that "nobody regrets waiting," but I am wondering about the lack of academic challenge if I put him in pre-K. I don't think he would necessarily miss it, but frankly I have a hard time shelling out $$$ for him not to be learning anything that he doesn't already know. Plus, since it would be full-day pre-K, I wouldn't have as much time to work with him on reading, math, etc., outside the classroom, esp. since I have another young child and a child on the way. So, I'm concerned that the pre-K year would just end up being an expensive lost year with no academic growth - or worse, since I wouldn't have as much time to work with him outside of school, that he would regress academically. Why does this feel like such a hard decision? I worry about whether I would be sealing his fate in terms of athletics (if he even ends up being interested in that) if I send him as the youngest. If I don't send him, I'm concerned whether he would wonder why he wasn't sent "on time." Would he have more self-confidence knowing that he excelled despite being the youngest? Or more self-confidence as the oldest? DH has leaned towards waiting, but we both have gone back and forth on this. Any advice? I'm cross-posting this in the Private/Independent Schools forum. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

I have a boy with a summer birthday and need to make a similar decision next year.

I have read a lot about the pros/cons of holding back.

1 post I read earlier this year gave me a good perspective. It was from a mom who really wanted to push her son ahead as there were a bunch of other children on the block who would have been in the same class. As she sat back and observed the children together, she saw that her child was always a step behind in anything that was being done. For her, this was the thing that helped make her decision.

I am not sure if you have the time to do a similar observation.

One last thought. Private / Independent schools are usually conservative in the classification of K-ready for summer birthdays. If the school is saying he is ready - I would go for it.

[Anonymous]

I have a nephew who was put ahead in early elementary years (actually a fall birthday) who ended up doing sophomore year in high school two times (changed schools and "repeated" a year as part of the transition).

The issues were physical maturity -- being ready to drive, date, go out for sports. Although very bright and academically fine, socially high school wasn't working for him as the youngest in the class.

So, part of the wisdom of "no one's ever sorry if they wait" may not be obvious until years later when somone is sorry to be the youngest in his class.

[Anonymous]

Read the book The Outliers. It gives a good case why waiting a year is a good idea. We have the same issue and we are going to wait a year even though DC is already quite a head of the other kids in her preschool class.

[Anonymous]

My daughter's preschool teacher told me this year that her perspective on this issue is that if the child is ready academically, then they should go to kindergarten. If they can sit still, pay attention, follow instructions, and do the work expected at least as well as their peers, then they should just go and get on with it. Just thought I'd share her view.

[Anonymous]

My son is ready academically (more than ready really) but cannot sit still, pay attention and do worksheets for 7 hrs a day. Will he be ready to do this in another year? I don't really know that. I think this is a problem that a lot of parents of boys face. In this area, the boys may be ready academically (I remember learning my colors in K; now kids like my son come into K reading) but are still 5 yr old boys who aren't known for their skills in sitting still for long periods of time, focusing and doing things that require strong fine motor skills (like doing numerous worksheets day after day). I know quite a few moms in the OPs situation. I will be there next year. I would go w/ what you think. Both his former school and the current school say he is ready so I would just send him to K.

[Anonymous]

Can you wait another year? Have him do K and then decide to repeat or go to Gr. 1? It's amazing what another whole year will show you and having him repeat a year with some greater academic content (K vs. PK) might be a better option if you do decide to hold him.

[Anonymous]

Let him wait. What on earth is the rush? Childhood passes by rather fast as it is.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't hold back just to hold back, and I'm saying that as someone who agonized over this decision for my own summer birthday son (I'm keeping him back). In my son's case the issues were academic non-readiness, poor motor skills, and being noticeably socially behind. His pre-K teachers felt he would benefit from another year. In your son's case it sounds like none of those things are true, so it becomes more about his maturity down the road (in high school) which seems hard to predict from here. I would probably weigh the teacher's opinion heavily.

[Anonymous]

We were in a similar position with our summer b'day son -- advised by preschool teachers and by our local MCPS elementary to go ahead, but advised by an independent school to wait for a year. We went with the public school and sent him the year he turned 5. He's now in high school, attending a competitive-entrance independent school which he entered at middle school. He's done well academically, socially and athletically; however, his fine motor skills have made things tougher for him as have his poor -- though improving -- organizational skills. I do think these skills develop more quickly in girls, and in coed schools girls set the pace in the classroom. I can see this from my experience with our younger daughter, who doesn't have our son's firepower academically, but who compensates with stronger organizatonal and fine motor abilities. If I were to do it again, I'd let our son wait a year.

[Anonymous]

We were advised by our preschool teacher to hold back, not because she wasn't academically ready (which she was) but because thinking long term (high school, driving, drugs, drinking, etc.), and socially that holding back has all the benefits. No one ever regrets holding back, only pushing forward and these things often don't become clear until many, many years later. I wasn't totally confident with our decision, but now that my daughter has finished K, I am so happy with our decision. She is so confident---truly beaming with confidence and is not acting out at home, etc. as some other kids are who are frustrated with their writing/reading skills. Also, I have been reminded constantly from her teachers that we didn't "hold her back" we put her where she should be. Just some thoughts. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

I just had to go through this same decision with my son, and it really changed my thinking about this. But having said that, in your entire post I find only two "reasons" to even consider holding him back:

1) late birthday, and
2) the meltdowns

This is simply my own opinion, but I think reason #1 is a dumb reason to hold a kid back. I really do. Frequently, younger kids also have OTHER issues (lack of maturity, lack of fine motor skills, etc. etc. that go hand-in-hand with their age) when compared to their peers (and by this I mean the kids within a year OLDER than they are, because that would be their kindergarten class) -- that are legitimate reasons to question whether or not to push a kid forward or hold him back. But please please please don't do is "just" because of his birthday. It is a meaningless marker in terms of any given INDIVIDUAL child, and you should make your decision based on your child.

In all other respects, he sounds ready. He's social, he's bright, he's not unduly small, etc. The school has said he's ready. These are all good markers. As for the meltdowns, I think that's something to look at. ALL kids have meltdowns. Unless his are noticeably different than his peers, I wouldn't worry about it, and i'd send him. I think social maturity is very important for kids... and in fact this was the kicker for my son, and what persuaded us to hold him back... but I think I'd analyze whether his meltdowns are just normal meltdowns (as compared to his peers), or whether they are markedly more prolonged, frequent, etc., such that maybe its a sign that he's socially not really ready. But honestly, by your description, he sounds ready.

At the end of the day though, make the best decision based on your child. You know him best. For my son (also a late birthday), he's also very bright, has a very good attention span, is very dextrous, etc. But physically he is smaller (which isn't a huge deal to me, but a factor), and... most importantly, he is really noticeably immature compared to his peers. He doesn't play with his classmates -- really at all. He doesn't interact with them. He is very slow to make friends and tends to seek out kids about a year younger than him to play with. Even with this, it was a hard decision, because we weighed his intellectual capability (we think, quite high) with his social capabilities (quite low). But really, I think we're making the best decision. For your son, though, it sounds like his meltdowns haven't significantly interrupted his ability to make friends and socialize appropriately. I think that's a key difference.

[Anonymous]

Congratulations that your first grader successfully completed kindergarten this year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Congratulations that your first grader successfully completed kindergarten this year.

Congratulations that you feel some need to be snarky.

[Anonymous]

Assuming a late summer birthday means August vs. September, I'd send him. If a late summer birthday is referring to a birthday in mid-September, I'd wait a year.