10 YO wants sleepover with friend tonight but I don't know the parents

[Anonymous]

DD came home from school asking for a sleepover with Larla who lives down the street. They've been hanging out a lot this year. The problem is that I barely know the parents. They both work full time and I'm usually interacting/ seeing the nanny when they have play dates. DD is at Larlas house now and said will let me once parents get home to approve sleepover. The other issue I have is that Larla has two older brothers (one in middle and the other on HS) also who I don know. I know most of her friends parents but not these. Would you let DD go?

[Anonymous]

I would set up times for them together first so I get to know the parents a little better at drop off and pick up. If the parents are really never home or all you get is the Nanny I would invite her over our house for the sleepover.

[Anonymous]

I would allow it if I had met the parents (you say you barely know them, but that could cover a wide range) or other adult who would definitely be home, but a major factor in my decision is that my DD already had a cell phone by that age and had demonstrated that she would definitely call me if she got uncomfortable with a situation, plans changed, or she otherwise needed me. I should note that I'm the exact opposite of a helicopter parent and am generally one of the most hands-off parents among my children's groups of friends, so whether I would do something matters less than your own comfort with doing so knowing your DD.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I'm the PP who said no....my child does not have a cell phone. That is another reason I would not be comfortable, but they aren't getting a cell phone at 10

[Anonymous]

Do you stay home? It sounds like you have some beef with these working parents; when do you meet other parents, I assume weekend of evening get together would work for them too. Your story is very weird, why do they have a nanny for a HS, MS, and a 10 year old...

[Anonymous]

I would invite the other girl over to your house instead. Don't know the parents and older brothers both would give me pause, especially in conjunction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you stay home? It sounds like you have some beef with these working parents; when do you meet other parents, I assume weekend of evening get together would work for them too. Your story is very weird, why do they have a nanny for a HS, MS, and a 10 year old...

Because they cant drive maybe? and need help with homework and dinner?

[Anonymous]

I probably wouldnt if I didnt know the parents very well.

[Anonymous]

OP here, Larla's mom came over to say hello and invite DD over tonight, so I'm feeling better about the situation and will let her go.

[Anonymous]

Really OP you need to establish a policy on sleepovers. And then stick with it.

[Anonymous]

No. A sleepover friend's dad tried to sexually assault me while he sent her to the corner store to pick up ice cream. I have a close friend that was assaulted by teen brother of a friend. I don't allow sleepovers unless I know the family pretty well or for slumber parties with multiples and scouts, school and church outings that had multiple adults present.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you stay home? It sounds like you have some beef with these working parents; when do you meet other parents, I assume weekend of evening get together would work for them too. Your story is very weird, why do they have a nanny for a HS, MS, and a 10 year old...

Because they cant drive maybe? and need help with homework and dinner?

*BUT* a nanny for a high schooler??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. A sleepover friend's dad tried to sexually assault me while he sent her to the corner store to pick up ice cream. I have a close friend that was assaulted by teen brother of a friend. I don't allow sleepovers unless I know the family pretty well or for slumber parties with multiples and scouts, school and church outings that had multiple adults present.

In principle I agree with this PP, but I think OP has no objection to sleepovers to people she knows even a modicrum better. OP -- have you kids ever been friends with kids with working parents before?

[Anonymous]

I would not allow it simply because the kids planned it. I don't allow railroaded plans like that - it puts people in awkward positions. Now the fact that the mom came over helps a little but I would have said no before she even came home and they had a chance to ask. The kid should clear it with mom first and then the parent extends the invitation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you stay home? It sounds like you have some beef with these working parents; when do you meet other parents, I assume weekend of evening get together would work for them too. Your story is very weird, why do they have a nanny for a HS, MS, and a 10 year old...

Because they cant drive maybe? and need help with homework and dinner?

*BUT* a nanny for a high schooler??

Calm down. No one said the nanny is for the high schooler. Perhaps their elementary school gets out earlier than the high school does. That's how our district works. My elementary schooler is done at 2:30 and my high schooler doesn't get home until 4:15. If she has sports, she's not home until 6 PM. If I worked outside the home I would need a nanny or babysitter to pick up my elem. kid after school and to drive him to soccer two days a week. Not a big deal.