Family Feud. Where to go from here?

[Anonymous]

Long story short...

MIL was extremely rude to a family member of mine and me at a gathering, and I called her out on it. It turned into a huge fight and she left.

I've since tried calling her twice and texting her to talk about it. She won't respond. DH has tried calling her with no luck as well.

Everyone who witnessed it (my family and hers, even friends) said she was in the wrong and should be the one to apologize, (and yes, DH and I are on the same page and he is supportive) but I took it upon myself to be the bigger person and reach out first.

Where do we go from here?

[Anonymous]

Stop reaching out. Let her come to you.

Was this out of character for her, or par for the course?

[Anonymous]

You don't do anything. The ball is in her court, you've tried reaching out and she isn't responding. Give her time to cool off and perhaps she'll come around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop reaching out. Let her come to you.

Was this out of character for her, or par for the course?

This is OP. Not out of character to ME, but first time she was rude to someone other than her family, and first time she had been put in her place.

[Anonymous]

Agree with others, you've done your part. Leave it alone now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop reaching out. Let her come to you.

Was this out of character for her, or par for the course?

This is OP. Not out of character to ME, but first time she was rude to someone other than her family, and first time she had been put in her place.

If she's used to getting away with this, it was probably a shock to her system that someone finally put their foot down and made her stop. She's likely licking her wounds and nursing her bruised pride right now and won't respond to anything other than an abject apology telling her she was right and you were wrong, which she doesn't deserve. Leave her be and she'll likely reach out pretending like nothing happened when she's ready to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop reaching out. Let her come to you.

Was this out of character for her, or par for the course?

This is OP. Not out of character to ME, but first time she was rude to someone other than her family, and first time she had been put in her place.

Sounds like my mil. She's currently not speaking to my dh. She stopped speaking to me several years ago. In the past she kept it together for people outside the family, but in recent years as she's gotten older, she's been less able to do so, and has run off most of her friends. It's unfortunate, but we don't know what we can do to change it.

[Anonymous]

Enjoy the peace and quiet!

[Anonymous]

Any chance you can describe the altercation so that we can offer better feedback? Understand if you need to chance the details a bit.

OP, do NOT apologize for anything that you don't feel sorry for. That is not a way forward so don't do it. And don't reach out any more about this asking her to talk. It's her turn. Let her cool off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any chance you can describe the altercation so that we can offer better feedback? Understand if you need to chance the details a bit.

OP, do NOT apologize for anything that you don't feel sorry for. That is not a way forward so don't do it. And don't reach out any more about this asking her to talk. It's her turn. Let her cool off.

+1

[Anonymous]

I had a similar falling out with my stepmother. It's been four months, and we're still not speaking. I've texted and called to apologize, but she won't respond. I'm just leaving it alone now. I hate the thought of being estranged from someone, but I can't control whether or not she chooses to forgive me for the perceived slight.

[Anonymous]

"Huge Fights", "Calling out", "Extremely Rude" is not normal.

maybe this family is best left apart.

So no one has to be a "Witness". Also odd, dramatic and not ordinary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Huge Fights", "Calling out", "Extremely Rude" is not normal.

maybe this family is best left apart.

So no one has to be a "Witness". Also odd, dramatic and not ordinary.

Says you. Others can relate!

[Anonymous]

I don't understand why you're reaching out.

You have to let her cool off. She's probably the type of person to resent being told off in front of a lot of people, so she might never forgive you just for that!.

[Anonymous]

Bullies don't like it when somebody stands up to them, especially after they'e beaten their own children and spouse into submission. I will take your word that she is that bully person and not doubt you as is customary on DCUM. Was the rest of the family on your side? You might see it as it happened, but she might not. People who are rude and obnoxious like to play the victim card. Most likely in her mind, you are the villain. She might not be able to realistically perceive her own behavior. I would let her steam. It was nice you tried to reach out, but don't beg.