Mom of 3 ....I feel like I'm drowning

[Anonymous]

I have an 8,6 and a 15 month old. I think we pretty much have a routine. But I think that this is my problem too, that in order for us to stay on that routine I feel like all I do is scream. Before the baby came along I used to be the mom that would chase my kids around the playground and laugh with them and now I don't remember the last time I have done that. They now prefer to be with their dad because I am always demanding something or just not fun. I wish I was more laid back and not worried so much on "what is the next thing we have to do". I worry to much on whats next, example
if they don't go to bed at 8 then the next morning is going to be fight to get them out of bed
if they don't eat dinner at 6 it will take too long then they will have tantrum because they wont have time to play before bedtime

As I write this , I don't know what I'm asking I guess this is just a vent.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you haven't had a baby for 5 years and things are certainly more complicated, as would be expected! Hang in there and know that the routine is important but try to have fun in between too!

[Anonymous]

I'm pregnant with a 5yo and 7yo so I am you one year ago. My plan is to get a mother's helper/babysitter for the afternoons. I'm a SAHM so I'd like to focus on baby during school hours and then focus on older kids after school.

[Anonymous]

Ask your husband to hang with the baby, and go chase your older kids around the playground laughing. Then they'll behave better.

[Anonymous]

I have an 8, 6, and 4 -- all boys. I work for the govt and my husband stays home. Although the boys are one crazy hurricane and we do yell sometimes, we aren't drowning. I've had to let some things go and prioritize those things that the evidence says matter. So, we are weak on baths and general orderliness but strong on lots of play. They have chores and have to pick up after themselves but sometimes we have to rewind several activities at a time. We have a morning routine (but often run late on it) and a semblence of an evening routine but I would go crazy if I expected regular compliance with the routines.

[Anonymous]

I think you can fix this with more of an attitude adjustment than just "letting stuff go." It sounds like you spend a lot of time worrying - if they don't X, then Y will happen. I find it keeps me calmer to just focus on X (say, ontime bedtime) without worrying that it if doesn't work, the whole next day will be shot (even though it will). Just focus on what needs to be done, not why. It takes the pressure off somehow.

And yes, stop cooking and cleaning for a bit. You're almost out of the haze if the baby is 16 months.

[Anonymous]

I find that the more tantrums I have myself, the more tantrums my oldest child (4) has. I obviously don't have experience with the older set, so this may not be helpful, but I do have experience being the family boot camp director and things go much better when I remember to try to be less adversarial/less of a yeller.

And get your DH on board with the routine. Mine understands the basis for it and has seen and acknowledged why it's important. He isn't great at doing the enforcing himself, but he's getting there. If everyone buys in that routine is important, then you don't need to be doing it all yourself.

[Anonymous]

Mom to newly turned 8, 7, 5, and 11 mo old. I get it Op.
We thrive on schedules and routines, but I learned you need to step back sometimes. Does it make a difference if dinner is at 620/630 instead of 6pm sharp? No. Plus it allows for wiggle room to transition from playing to dinner? ALso, the kids don't understand time and don't ever seem to have a sense of urgency. All they know is that they have a chunk of time to play after dinner/before bed. So, keep with that "chunk of time", it's all relative to them
In your mind you think, "oh, 15 min it's it's time to go to bed", but they don't see it that way. To them, it's just playtime.

Keep in mind, they're getting older. You don't need to be quite so engaged. Yea, it's fun to play tag at the playground, but don't feel you have to do that all the time. Their imaginations kick in, they see their friends, they play with others, they're testing independence, etc.

[Anonymous]

Thanks PPs for all the input. I know I just have to relax. I just feel like I'm always rushing them so we can get to the next step.
PP you are so right I just need to stop thinking about what is going to happen if we don't finish something on time.

[Anonymous]

Mine are 11, 8 and 2.5 The enjoyment factor definitely increases again with the age of the youngest! Give it another year, and things will look much different. That said, I agree with the posters who have said to try and relax and not worry too much about small deviations from the routine. It's important to keep everything running like a well oiled machine, but the cooperation level and buy-in especially from the older kids is much better if you leave a little bit of flexibility and room for fun. Goodl luck!

[Anonymous]

I am like that and I have just one kid.
I tell my DH if you have him play so hard at 8pm, it's going to be hard for him to get up in the morning and it is ME that has to get him out of bed, eat and for school. And I prefer all chores are done before any fun starts. I refuse to look at clean laundry for more than 2 days. And I am not folding them.

Express your thoughts and maybe ideas for solution to your DH. He can help. They don't know how they can help unless you put it on a to do list. Like, have him take care of dinner, him take the baby and you chat and spend time with the older kids on odd days. Do you work? If not, you probably think you should do it all, get all the dinner ready. Don't. It's stressful enough. If you have to, don't clean up. Do the older ones have chores? All they got to do is pick 1-2 chores in the house. The older ones can help you clean up the table and put things into the dish washer, minimizing the amount of stuff that needs to be washed right away (either by you or DH).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you haven't had a baby for 5 years and things are certainly more complicated, as would be expected! Hang in there and know that the routine is important but try to have fun in between too!

This. Good luck op!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks PPs for all the input. I know I just have to relax. I just feel like I'm always rushing them so we can get to the next step.
PP you are so right I just need to stop thinking about what is going to happen if we don't finish something on time.

I think that is exactly the case. What I always figured was that the price for fun was a few minutes of misery and to me that was worth it.

[Anonymous]

I know exactly how you feel. Your margin for error with 3 is significantly decreased. If one goes off the rails, it's like a domino.
I always wish I was a ruthlessly efficient mom, but I'm not. I'm a laid back person and it's really hard for me.
It does get better, definitely. But (I'm sorry to say) I think it gets worse before it gets better, as the little one moves around more and starts to get his/her own opinions (which are likely to be different than the older two's opinions).

The upside is that the 8 year old is really old enough to do a lot for him or herself. You should really make them rise to the occasion.

[Anonymous]

Make sure you aren't doing anything you don't have to do.