My sister treats me like crap

[Anonymous]

She can never apologize or admit when she's wrong. I am so tired of having to take the high road, be the bigger person, and basically ignore her transgressions. The most recent situation between us was of her making yet I am the one who is having to reach out and try to make things better. The way she is treating me - icing me out, not responding to my attempts to communicate - is so not fair. I try to keep the peace for the sake of our children, but she clearly does not care. It is very upsetting.

Has anyone else been in this situation where you feel like you are being treated so unfairly by your own sibling? Do you just hope it gets better? Because I don't know what else I can do as I obviously can't force her to talk to me.

[Anonymous]

Just remember you can only control yourself. So if each encounter with your sister is painful, have less of them. You don't need to make yourself miserable "for the sake of the children." That's silly.

[Anonymous]

You don't have to reach out to her. It's okay to let the silence hang for a bit.

[Anonymous]

My sister is 50 and still single. Guess why?

[Anonymous]

I gave my sister 50 years to get a clue. She didn't and I just stopped trying. I should have stopped trying 48 years ago.

[Anonymous]

I decided that the sibling relationship wasn't worth putting up with being mistreated years ago. Now my sister complains that the cousins never get to see each other. I'm willing to give it another try, but if I get yelled at again we'll be back to me just not engaging for a while. Maybe one day she'll recognize the pattern and what causes me to step away, maybe she won't. Maybe she'll even learn to control how she speaks to me. But if she doesn't, all I can control is not putting myself in a position to be treated like crap.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I have about given up on a relationship with her, but my young children don't see their cousins unless I manage that. They love their cousins and it breaks my heart that she doesn't care about those relationships. Do I just try my best and assume maybe when the kids are older they will seek each other out? It is just such a shame as they live nearby and it could be so wonderful for the kids.

[Anonymous]

My sister is similar -- down to feeling bad because the kids don't get together. But the other posters are right that you can only control yourself. I have pulled back from my sister, which is something that will probably always be a source of sadness for me, but I don't think she is capable of having a genuine relationship with me (or, frankly, with anyone else.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She can never apologize or admit when she's wrong. I am so tired of having to take the high road, be the bigger person, and basically ignore her transgressions. The most recent situation between us was of her making yet I am the one who is having to reach out and try to make things better. The way she is treating me - icing me out, not responding to my attempts to communicate - is so not fair. I try to keep the peace for the sake of our children, but she clearly does not care. It is very upsetting.

Has anyone else been in this situation where you feel like you are being treated so unfairly by your own sibling? Do you just hope it gets better? Because I don't know what else I can do as I obviously can't force her to talk to me.

"She can never apologize or admit when she's wrong." .... umm maybe you're the one who is in the wrong?? Maybe you need to be the bigger person here? If there is negative toxic vibes between you two, then why force the situation? I prefer not be around people who are going to put me in a bad mood.

[Anonymous]

Unfair is unimportant

Don't strive to be BFFs and you won't be disappointed. Find close relationships elsewhere

[Anonymous]

My sister treated me like crap all my life. She would take money from me when I had a paper route. She would pay zero attention to me until she wanted something. She became heavy into drugs. She told me she could have had my husband. Who says that???? Every time I saw her she would pick something and say something not nice to me. 9 years ago I told her to call when she grows up. Never did. Today I go to her funeral. Why? I was taught to respect my elders even though she treated me like crap. Still trying to figure that out. She overdosed. Stupid woman.

[Anonymous]

Are you the "why is my sister eating salad" poster?

If so, GOOD GOD LEAVE HER ALONE.

[Anonymous]

For now, adjust your expectations of what a sister relationship SHOULD be.

Focus on what you most want: the ability to be with her so that your kids and her kids can spend time together.

Can you do that now? Yes? Good. Then, for now, treat her as an acquaintance/play date mom you don't know very well. Be polite, be courteous, certainly be civil, but don't expect to be best friends.

Once you've got the surface-level relationship down, see what you can add on. Birthday phone call? Great! (And no, you can't expect for it to be reciprocated.) Get together to see a movie, an easy activity because you don't have to talk much? Great! (And no, you can't expect her to invite you to a movie in return.)

Keep adding on until you hit a "level" that opens to a bad encounter. At that point, back off, and go one step more surface.

Whatever it is, it is. Whatever it will be, it will be. Get as close as you can without getting hurt/setting yourself up for failure, then accept. Maybe it will someday change, and you can get closer. Maybe not. If not, focus on your friendships with your close girlfriends.

[Anonymous]

Why on earth are you reaching out?

There's a reason why nasty people are isolated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you the "why is my sister eating salad" poster?

If so, GOOD GOD LEAVE HER ALONE.

Link? I'm curious to see what you mean by this.