Here is the one for Hillary: http://time.com/4539979/read-transcript-hillary-clinton-speech-al-smith-dinner/
I listened to the media coverage yesterday and read some news. I heard some jokes where the crowed booed. So was curious to read it myself. I found Hillary's speech really humorous. It was not derogatory towards's Donald, but pretty intelligently written roast. Here are some examples:
Donald wanted me drug tested before last night’s debate. And look, I’ve got to tell you, I am so flattered that Donald thought I used some sort of performance enhancer.
Now, actually, I did. It’s called preparation.
And looking back, I’ve had to listen to Donald for three full debates. And he says I don’t have any stamina.
That is four and a half hours. I have now stood next to Donald Trump longer than any of his campaign managers.
And if Donald does win, it will be awkward at the annual President’s Day photo, when all the former presidents gather at the White House, and not just with Bill.
How is Barack going to get past the Muslim ban?
Republicans in particular seem frustrated with their nominee. Paul Ryan told the Republican members of the House, you — you don’t have to support the top of the ticket. Don’t worry about anyone besides yourself. Just do what’s in your own best interests. So I guess Donald really has unified his party around his core philosophy.
But Donald, we have so much more in common than, actually, you may realize.
For example, I tried to inspire young people by showing them that with resilience and hard work anything is possible and you’re doing the same. A third grade teacher told me that one of her students refused to turn in his homework because it was under audit.
And here’s another similarity. The Republican National Committee isn’t spending a dime to help either one of us.
She also had many self-deprecating line.
This is such a special event that I took a break from my rigorous nap schedule to be here.
And as you’ve already heard, it’s a treat for all of you too, because usually I charge a lot for speeches like this.
I’m going to try my best tonight, but I understand I am not known for my sense of humor. That’s why it did take a village to write these jokes.
People say — and I hear them, I know — they say I’m boring compared to Donald. But I’m not boring at all. In fact, I’m the life of every party I attend and I’ve been to three.
I really liked her jokes. She has sense of humor, but she is no Obama. Hope you enjoy reading these.
As for Donald here is the Transcript: http://time.com/4539981/read-the-transcript-donald-trump-speech-al-smith-dinner/
There we two or so jokes that were intelligently funny roast:
And even tonight, with all of the heated back and forth, between my opponent and me at the debate last night, we have proven that we can actually be civil to each other. In fact, just before taking the dais, Hillary accidentally bumped into me and she very civilly said, “Pardon me.”
And I very politely replied, “Let me talk to you about that after I get into office.”
And Hillary was very gracious. She said if somehow she gets elected she wants me to be, without question, either her ambassador to Iraq or to Afghanistan. It’s my choice.
the media is even more biased this year than ever before — ever. You want the proof? Michelle Obama gives a speech and everyone loves it — it’s fantastic. They think she’s absolutely great. My wife, Melania, gives the exact same speech —
(LAUGHTER)
— and people get on her case.
These were funny, but his delivery was forced. Donald does not seem to have a sense of humor. He did not have to say "Just Kidding", or "Stand up, Melania. Come on. She took a lot of abuse."
But then some of the jokes that he did was totally inappropriate and ungracious. These are JMO. Read and decide for yourself.
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