Should I ask "Do you still love me?"

[Anonymous]

At that point where I want to know. But afraid to come off as needy.

Go ahead and just ask? Or suck it up and just let actions show the true emotion?

[Anonymous]

I'd like to know more about your relationship before I say.

My instinct is to say don't do it. If he/she says no, what will you do? I think I would rather work on my marriage before asking that question to ensure a positive answer.

But what's going on that you feel you need to ask?

[Anonymous]

Growing indifference. Feeling neglected and taken for granted. Asking for affection is like asking for a big favor that is sometimes ignored.

180 instead?

[Anonymous]

I would address the issues in the relationship, rather than asking if they still love you, which will probably get you a one-word answer than means very little and leave you feeling like you're in the same place you started (and maybe worse).
Tell your partner how you feel about the changes in your relationship.

[Anonymous]

PP here. For sure, don't ask.

So, I guess the 180. Erhm, are you the woman? because if so, I think the 180 might be effective. I think of the 180 as working on you, anyway. Work on YOU. And some marriage issues, if you think that is relevant. Making you the best person you can be ...

That said, if you are a woman married to a man, and if you have kids, you probably are being neglected and taken for granted. (and vice versa) Not all the time. And some more than others, obviously. But I think men respond to the 180 with renewed interest and attention (could be wrong)

I think women, who might be checked out already, respond to the 180 with relief.

[Anonymous]

And if he says yes, you feel relief for like 10 minutes right? He gets to go back to ignoring you. The problem is his behavior, not his answer to the question. Tell him how YOU feel. Don't ask him how he feels.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And if he says yes, you feel relief for like 10 minutes right? He gets to go back to ignoring you. The problem is his behavior, not his answer to the question. Tell him how YOU feel. Don't ask him how he feels.

+1. Words mean nothing. I had been feeling like this and instead, I asked my ex husband if he still wanted to be married to me. There was a long pause, so I knew his answer. We are happily divorced now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And if he says yes, you feel relief for like 10 minutes right? He gets to go back to ignoring you. The problem is his behavior, not his answer to the question. Tell him how YOU feel. Don't ask him how he feels.

+1. Words mean nothing. I had been feeling like this and instead, I asked my ex husband if he still wanted to be married to me. There was a long pause, so I knew his answer. We are happily divorced now.

Last year, on my anniversary I asked if he was glad we were still married. He shrugged. 4 months later he moved out and now I'm just waiting for VA's waiting period to be over so we can finalize the divorce. The question didn't cause him to leave, he would have left anyway. Just be prepared that getting the answer may be painful. But bring with someone who doesn't want to be with you is also painful.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are unlikely to get an honest answer to a direct question. I'd say observe and judge by the actions.

[Anonymous]

It depends on what you're looking for.

If you want to see if he can appear sincere while declaring his love for you, sure, ask. I've been in emotionally vulnerable situations where I wanted to hear my DH reassure me and asked and everything was fine.

If you think he doesn't still love you, or your gut tells you something is off, I think PPs are correct that you should be asking something else. Is he happy to be married for example. He's not likely to have a rehearsed response when you change the script like that so you're more likely to get a clear look at his primary, honest reaction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At that point where I want to know. But afraid to come off as needy.

Go ahead and just ask? Or suck it up and just let actions show the true emotion?

Not enough info. Without ANY info, answer is "no". Live life to tour best instead and don't feel you have to label it. It doesn't need a label.