Is blaming EVERYTHING on anxiety a teen 'scheme'?
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Anonymous
| How do you grapple with this? My daughter is using her low Xanax script as a catch all for everything wrong in life. I have college professor friends who say they are bombarded with emails from kids blaming everything on anxiety, requesting extensions, extra time on exams, etc. |
Anonymous
| Curious about this too with my DD . Though looking back signs of anxiety appeared in early childhood. We do live in anxiety-provoking times as well. It is a hard balance trying to prepare them for adulthood and dealing with life and stressors etc. |
Anonymous
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Don't know if this helps, but my DS with anxiety and ADHD really tends to downplay both except when he can't avoid confronting it (like when it's 2:30 AM and he's laying awake in bed with an anxiety attack that has been keeping him awake for hours). I can't see him mentioning to anyone other than parents or therapist. He would be pretty mortified to say anything to a teacher about it. He did a study abroad trip years ago that was really negatively impacted by anxiety, and he finally talked to one teacher about it, but not to get out of work or anything.
DS does not take any prescriptions for anxiety (and would push back if anyone suggested). ADHD meds were a lifesaver in elementary school, but as DS got older he resisted increasing the (very, very low) dose to the point that Dr. said they were basically not doing anything for him anymore since his weight had tripled while the dose stayed the same, so this year he's quit taking them. He has done short bouts of therapy when anxiety was at its worst, but it seems to come and go, and it usually fades about the time he's a couple of weeks into therapy. |
Anonymous
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OP, is your kid also getting talk therapy for the anxiety, or just taking Xanax and not doing any form of therapy?
If she's not doing anything to change her thinking and behavior, and doesn't have a therapist/counselor/psychiatrist to give her a reality check as well as help her modify her thinking -- then she needs to be seeing someone like that. She may truly believe that every issue is related to her anxiety, especially if the diagnosis is fairly new. It may be coloring her whole view of her life right now that she's been told she has anxiety. And that can pass, but it will pass much faster if she has some professional guidance. You're suspicious that she's using anxiety intentionally as a cover for anything that goes wrong or that she does that doesn't work out. And that's possible. But it might not be intentional. She might not hear that at all when she hears herself talk. Talk to her doctor, talk to her shrink if she's seeing one, or see a family counselor together. She does need to be held accountable and have consequences for things she does (or doesn't do) like any normal teen, and I do get your suspicions about using the diagnosis as a "scheme." But get someone outside your relationship to give you a more objective view of how her anxiety is affecting her view of herself and your view of her as possibly using her anxiety to get away with things (which may or may not be the case). . She may be feeling like a victim all the time and might need help getting past that. |
Anonymous
| Mental illness is in, didn't you hear? As a mother of severe anxiety kid, diagnosed at 4, when it was a relief it wasn't autism, I have seen my other child, a teen, ( who doesn't have anxiety, went to psychiatrist for that)and most of her friends blame everything on something. My DD came home and told me she has dyslexia, anxiety, depression, oh and bipolar disorder. Dyslexia for a kid who reads levels and levels above and scores as high as you can imagine on first PSAT while being a whole year younger than other kids in her class. What she does have is lazy butt syndrome, and doesn't want to warm up the chair studying but has time and energy for socializing and, really that also is a mental issue, since this is stronger than her. This is ADHD, just that socializing is her symptom, and forgetting to submit the homework is also ADHD, and not because it was more important to chat with best 50 buddies! Anyway, sorry for my rant. You know your DD, if you suspect something is really wrong, see a Dr. I do think that more you pay to find something, more likely it is that something will be found, after all you are paying them and you are a source of income. But, you are the best judge of your kid's behavior. |
Anonymous
| Actually I wish I had known what anxiety was when I was a teen. It would've explained so many of my issues and arguments with my mother throughout my teen years |
Anonymous
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Anxiety and depression are absolutely hot excuses.
—tenured professor |
Anonymous
| They're real issues that can actually honestly impact everything in someone's life, sometimes profoundly. The important thing -- which many newly diagnosed people (which teens often are) and many teens with these diagnoses in general by virtue of being young people can struggle with -- is to learn to manage your condition(s) while minimizing the disruptive influence it has on your life. So, yes, a lot of things are likely the result of anxiety/depression if a person has them, but that's just an explanation... it only becomes an excuse if the person lets it, and life doesn't often accept that. Teens with anxiety and/or depression need their issues acknowledged and they need to be supported, but they also need to be gently and compassionately supported in figuring out how to work around those challenges and be successful anyway. I have both, diagnosed with anxiety at 8 and depression in my early 20s (have always had it but my father didn't believe in it). They're real issues, but they shouldn't be allowed to become real excuses for not owning your own shit. |
Anonymous
Wonderful and thoughtful feedback. I highly recommend that parents of young teens with anxiety read it very carefully. I wish someone said something like that to me when my DC was younger. |
Anonymous
Agree with this. Anxiety, ADHD, executive functioning disorder- they are all diagnosis, that should help teens understand how their brains work, however these diagnosis should not be excuses for not taking responsibility for their own behavior. Having a diagnosis helps you learn strategies to handle these conditions, or take medication to treat them, but do not give you an excuse to not follow the rules of society. Parents of children who are diagnosed with this conditions should also realize this and not use them as excuses, or expect their children to be excused from expected behaviors. Some researched accommodations are fine, but they are accommodations, not excuses. -Parent of a child with severe anxiety |
Anonymous
OP, first off, was your DD actually diagnosed with anxiety or was she just given a prescription b/c she complained of anxiety? Xanax is addictive and can easily turn into abuse. I would report any doctor who would give this to teen or young person. That seems incredibly irresponsible. If she truly has anxiety, she needs to be on a mood stabilizer, e.g., anti-depressant that she will take every day for the long term. She may need a full assessment if she hasn't already. CBT would also probably be useful if she's having trouble dealing with every day life. |
Anonymous
+1 all of this! |
Anonymous
It takes away from the validity of the many people that suffer from both. While I as in college mental illness was something that nobody ever talked about and I was ashamed, its at least good to know its more out in the open. I have an adhd kid that may be heading down the road of mild depression as well. |
Anonymous
I agree that this prescription is concerning. Xanax was made to be used very occasionally on an as needed basis when all else fails, and for that reason it is not usually given to children who cannot reason their way through their issues, and just ingest whatever will take the edge off. |
Anonymous
| Anxiety meds like Xanax can cause a depressed feeling after drug wears off or the next day. Xanax is the most habit forming in that family of drugs from my understanding. |