ILs pressuring for sleepover

[Anonymous]

I've worked out twice but it's not getting easier.

DD is 6 and has several life threatening emergencies. My FIL
IsWorse than useless and my MIL thinks gluten free, vegan, and dairy/nut free are all the same thing. They don't understand cross contamination. And frankly I don't trust either of them to give her an epi if she accidentally eats something. She is still a weird age for self advocacy. DD also has some minor developmental delays that are really evident when she is around other kids -- and of course her cousins will be there. She cannot roughhouse the way they do -- even though she will get right in there -- because she injures far more easily due to poor eyesight, low tone and hyper mobile joints. She receives supports for these things at school.

Still, MIL thinks it's a JUST FABULOUS idea and, while DH doesn't want it either, he figures his mom raised him and he is in one piece.

Perhaps the biggest issue is the car seat. DD is still harnessed and will be in a five point for the foreseeable future due to
Gross and fine motor delays. DH's parents think it's fine for the kids to bounce around for a few
Miles. It's not safe, it's not legal, and it goes against our family rules.
I bought and installed a seat in their car, which my FIL took out promptly.

I have tried to be blunt: "you wouldn't be offended if I sent food?" I have tried to be subtle. I have told them that DD doesn't like sleeping anywhere but home.

Suggestions? DH would rather dodge as long as possible.

[Anonymous]

*wormed out

*life threatening allergies

Sorry, I'm a crap iPhone typist.

[Anonymous]

"That's easy! NO."

You answer just like that. Your child's safety compared to these nutjobs getting offended? It's time to be blunt, take the blame and leave cowardly DH out of it.

[Anonymous]

15:04: I know you're right. And I'm usually incredibly blunt but the way they minimize my very real concerns leaves me feeling impotent. Plus my p-a MIL brings it up TO MY DAUGHTER.

MIL is very kind and sweet and frankly not that bright, but I know when I'm being manipulated. We have a baby on the way now and I'm worried about fall out... again. They are the least helpful people who try to help ever.

[Anonymous]

"I'm sorry. Larla's doctor says she's too medically fragile to sleep away from home. No sleepovers for at LEAST the next few years, sorry. I know Larla would love it."

[Anonymous]

They probably think your kid doesn't really have any allergies, but that is some fashion nouveau thing you came up with and that "she'll be fine..."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I'm sorry. Larla's doctor says she's too medically fragile to sleep away from home. No sleepovers for at LEAST the next few years, sorry. I know Larla would love it."

Perfect. They don't respect your judgment as a parent, maybe they'll respect a doctor's opinion.

Good luck OP. I'm sorry you're dealing with such dense people. Do not compromise when it comes to your DD's safety and wellbeing. Hurt feelings be damned and I'd frankly tell my H to grow a spine and tell his parents NO.

[Anonymous]

Stop dodging. Use the doctor approach if need be, but I'd be more direct:

If you want Larla to spend time with you without either of us around here is what is medically required:

Then provide the detailed, comprehensive, list of everything it would take for your daughter to be safe.

Tell them that this is non-negotiable and these are the requirements for anyone - starting with your house and including her school, who are already in compliance. "You have dismissed these concerns before so I don't feel confident that Larla is safe with you."

[Anonymous]

I would talk to DD first. Explain to her that she is too young and she can when she is older. And tell her that when MIL brings it up, you don't want her to be sad, but if there is a different special time that you can do instead (and try to do one).

Then, when MIL brings it up, I would just say, "she is too young and that is my final decision." If she pushes, just smile. She does not need your answer twice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They probably think your kid doesn't really have any allergies, but that is some fashion nouveau thing you came up with and that "she'll be fine..."

This! Kids didn't really have food allergies 40 years ago in the way they do today. She probably thinks it's made up BS.

Stay strong, OP. Don't let your kid sleepover.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They probably think your kid doesn't really have any allergies, but that is some fashion nouveau thing you came up with and that "she'll be fine..."

This! Kids didn't really have food allergies 40 years ago in the way they do today. She probably thinks it's made up BS.

Stay strong, OP. Don't let your kid sleepover.

I'd also lay down the heavy on MIL repeatedly bringing this up directly to DD. It's not fair to your DD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop dodging. Use the doctor approach if need be, but I'd be more direct:

If you want Larla to spend time with you without either of us around here is what is medically required:

Then provide the detailed, comprehensive, list of everything it would take for your daughter to be safe.

Tell them that this is non-negotiable and these are the requirements for anyone - starting with your house and including her school, who are already in compliance. "You have dismissed these concerns before so I don't feel confident that Larla is safe with you."

I'm the immediate PP. You can't trust someone who doesn't grasp the concepts of things like hidden ingredients and cross-contamination.

OP isn't going to get her MIL up to speed with a stern talk and written instructions. There's just no room for error.

[Anonymous]

That would be a hell no from me.

[Anonymous]

This is just a no. List the reasons if you need to.

[Anonymous]

"Hell no." And that needs to come from DH.