Staying with family and dealing with who purchases what.

[Anonymous]

I'm staying with my brother and his wife and kids for a month. My husband might come down for a week or a few days. This is the longest I've spent here since my early 20's. Usually when staying for holidays and such they insist on paying for everything. And my dh and I fight to cover dinners out and groceries. We are lucky if we cover 1-2 meals a week. I don't like the imbalance but I hate fighting with them over it. He is my older brother and they are more financially secure than we are....but still I want this trip to be different. And already, since being here a day they've paid for lunch, zoo, ice cream and dinner. I tried to pay for all of it and got shut down each time. I don't know how to successfully communicate tjat I don't need to be covered. That I got it. And it makes me happy to pick up the bill. I was thinking of doing a grocery delivery order and just putting their list on it along with things I'll need while here and just ordering it. I dont want to offend anyone especially his wife by doing this or something...

[Anonymous]

Get them a gift card for movies and dinner and offer to watch the kids.

[Anonymous]

When my parents visit it's the same fight. So what I do is that I whip out my credit card faster than my old Dad and win at Whole Foods or restaurants that way! The problem is that sometimes the kids distract me, and he takes advantage by paying when I'm not looking!

We're LUCKY, that's what we are, OP.

[Anonymous]

I would buy 2 $500 prepaid credit cards for them and put them in a beautiful card for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When my parents visit it's the same fight. So what I do is that I whip out my credit card faster than my old Dad and win at Whole Foods or restaurants that way! The problem is that sometimes the kids distract me, and he takes advantage by paying when I'm not looking!

We're LUCKY, that's what we are, OP.

Towards the end of the meal excuse yourself to the bathroom. Find the server and pay the bill.

[Anonymous]

Just talk to your brother privately. Explain you're grateful and proud of him for doing well but you also like standing on your own two feet. Tell him that being cared for like that leads to a feeling that you are being patronized. That to have the best relationship with him and his family that you can you need to be a fully contributing adult. Most people would understand.