7YO that doesn't make eye contact

[Anonymous]

Is this just normal 7YO boy, or something to worry about? He looks everywhere but at me (or dad) when talking, so sometimes it is hard to even hear him if he is looking away. He is very personable, warm, sensitive of people's feelings, so it is mostly a minor irritation when trying to follow along on a story while he is bobbing his head everywhere, but is there anything more serious I should explore?

[Anonymous]

This might doing snarky, but I don't mean it to be - have you told him that you need direct eye contact when he's speaking to you? Sometimes kids get into a habit and they think it's ok, and it takes clear re-direction to inform them it's not.

My kids are 7 and 5 and often say "water" when they want water... As if they're still toddlers with single words - I have to really remind them each time that the correct way to ask is "may I please have some water?" I don't think they're being intentionally rude, it's more that they're not being intentional at all. Perhaps your son is like that, too.

[Anonymous]

I don't think it sounds that abnormal. When you are talking and thinking about what you're talking about, your eyes might wander and don't always make eye contact. The listener usually makes the eye contact. Does he look at you when you're talking?

[Anonymous]

I would talk to your doctor about this. I have a niece that has had obvious eye contact problems since a toddler. Her parents ruled out autism and then basically ignored it. Now at 10, she has SEVERE social anxiety issues that have never been addressed and it breaks my heart. They are supportive, wonderful parents, but I feel like they missed an opportunity for early intervention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This might doing snarky, but I don't mean it to be - have you told him that you need direct eye contact when he's speaking to you? Sometimes kids get into a habit and they think it's ok, and it takes clear re-direction to inform them it's not.

My kids are 7 and 5 and often say "water" when they want water... As if they're still toddlers with single words - I have to really remind them each time that the correct way to ask is "may I please have some water?" I don't think they're being intentionally rude, it's more that they're not being intentional at all. Perhaps your son is like that, too.

We do tell him to look at us when asking for stuff, or look at a waiter when he is ordering at a restaurant, or whatever. It seems to make him really uncomfortable. But he is very social, talks to anyone, has lots of friends at school ... He isn't socially awkward.

[Anonymous]

It may be just that- it makes him really uncomfortable. I still have problems as an adult with this, probably more so than as a child. It is also situation dependent, like how well do I know the person.

[Anonymous]

I remember my boys not making eye contact at that age. But, we just worked with them to be able to do it. THey are teenagers now and are fine with it, but it took awhile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would talk to your doctor about this. I have a niece that has had obvious eye contact problems since a toddler. Her parents ruled out autism and then basically ignored it. Now at 10, she has SEVERE social anxiety issues that have never been addressed and it breaks my heart. They are supportive, wonderful parents, but I feel like they missed an opportunity for early intervention.

Please try not to think that way; it's not fair to your sibling and IL. It's impossible to second guess these types of things; who knows whether intervention would have helped at this point. Certainly impossible for a third party to do so.

Also, in all likelihood, she would have had the social anxiety either way. Therapy could have helped (and still can!) but would not have made this a non-issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This might doing snarky, but I don't mean it to be - have you told him that you need direct eye contact when he's speaking to you? Sometimes kids get into a habit and they think it's ok, and it takes clear re-direction to inform them it's not.

My kids are 7 and 5 and often say "water" when they want water... As if they're still toddlers with single words - I have to really remind them each time that the correct way to ask is "may I please have some water?" I don't think they're being intentionally rude, it's more that they're not being intentional at all. Perhaps your son is like that, too.

Your kids should have a few sessions with a speech therapist if they are still struggling with articulation. That is different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This might doing snarky, but I don't mean it to be - have you told him that you need direct eye contact when he's speaking to you? Sometimes kids get into a habit and they think it's ok, and it takes clear re-direction to inform them it's not.

My kids are 7 and 5 and often say "water" when they want water... As if they're still toddlers with single words - I have to really remind them each time that the correct way to ask is "may I please have some water?" I don't think they're being intentionally rude, it's more that they're not being intentional at all. Perhaps your son is like that, too.

We do tell him to look at us when asking for stuff, or look at a waiter when he is ordering at a restaurant, or whatever. It seems to make him really uncomfortable. But he is very social, talks to anyone, has lots of friends at school ... He isn't socially awkward.

Does he make eye contact with the kids and teachers at school? It could be any number of reasons. Usually by that age kids outgrow it so it would be concerning if you worked with him on it.

[Anonymous]

My DD was (still sort of is) this way. Turned out to be due to her anxiety which we did not even know she had. We do cognitive behavior therapy now and the therapist taught her to look at people's noses when they speak. It works, the other person has no idea DD is not making eye contact and it's less threatening for DD. The therapist told me asking someone with anxiety to make eye contact is extremely anxiety inducing and not helpful, so don't force it. You may want to look into anxiety. It's not something you want to go untreated.

[Anonymous]

My DS was the same at that age. He is shy and gets anxious when talking to anyone other than close friends. With some gentle prompting, he improved over time and, at 10, is much much better with this.

[Anonymous]

Anxiety, maybe. I still have trouble looking people in the eye for the *right* amount of time. Either I look away too quickly or I stare at their eyes.

[Anonymous]

I was shy. I don't remember looking right at my parents' faces. My memories of them are looking elsewhere. Shoulders, etc. Like Charlie Brown cartoons.

I started forcing myself to look at people in the eye in college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This might doing snarky, but I don't mean it to be - have you told him that you need direct eye contact when he's speaking to you? Sometimes kids get into a habit and they think it's ok, and it takes clear re-direction to inform them it's not.

My kids are 7 and 5 and often say "water" when they want water... As if they're still toddlers with single words - I have to really remind them each time that the correct way to ask is "may I please have some water?" I don't think they're being intentionally rude, it's more that they're not being intentional at all. Perhaps your son is like that, too.

We do tell him to look at us when asking for stuff, or look at a waiter when he is ordering at a restaurant, or whatever. It seems to make him really uncomfortable. But he is very social, talks to anyone, has lots of friends at school ... He isn't socially awkward.

I would have written this about my son. He has a HORRIBLE time making eye contact and is very extroverted, has lots of friends, and is extremely verbally articulate. When we do make him look us in the eye, you can tell how hard it is for him (seriously looks physically painful) and he can't maintain it for more than a couple of seconds (and this isn't when he is in trouble, just having a typical conversation.) We aren't sure what to do about it.